My father's voice was soft. It had returned to the same tone I remembered. My kindheated father from my memories I was starting to think it was just my mind playing tricks on me. ‘So he really does have a side like this…’
We walked in and sat down on my bed next to each other. At first, we sat in silence, but after a moment he wrapped an arm around me, squeezing me tight to his chest. “I’m proud of you. You passed the first test.”
‘First… test?’ “What do you mean the first? I thought you said I proved myself.”
“You never get the luxury to stop having to prove yourself. Especially someone like you.”
I felt the heat drain from my face. ‘A-ah… False hope… My old friend… Nice to see you again.’
I almost laughed, realizing how ridiculous it was to hope for the finish line to come early. I pushed myself away from him. “Is that all you have to say…”
He removed his arm from my shoulders and cleared his throat. “Right, you should be more careful in the future. Chasing glory is only worth it if you survive. No one cares how glorious it would have been if you survived, if you die you’re just a weekling.”
‘Chasing glory? I guess that sounds a lot better than running away…’ I sighed, chuckling to myself, deciding not to correct him. “Yeah… I get it. I didn’t think it through very much.”
He stood up. “As long as you understand.” He walked out the door, turning around just before closing it. “We will continue our training tomorrow. You're progressing fast. Keep it up.”
“Sure thing…”
I was sad to see him go so soon, but not for the reason one might think. I would have thought I would feel a longing for him to stay longer, and show me more of that side of him, that I would have felt good when he praised me, but I didn’t… I was sad precisely because I felt nothing of his kindness anymore.
I still wanted to believe it was real, just a different side of him, and I did to an extent… But no matter how much my brain told me he meant it. I couldn’t convince my heart he wasn’t faking.
‘Keep it up huh…’ I plopped down on my bed, gently griping the sheets of my still unfamiliar soft bed. ‘If it was up to me… I probably wouldn’t even leave my room tomorrow…’
Just like he said, our training started the next morning. I was almost expecting it to be something crazy like him dropping a boulder on my head and telling me to lift it or die.
It was pretty tame though. After I got the basic technique down we just practiced shooting my bow and moving around a few heavy braziers.
‘Now that I think about it the actual training for the last skill wasn’t that harsh either, just the test.’
“Good, I think you're ready.” I let loose another arrow from a heavy war bow and turned to look at him, only to see a knife flying at my face, much faster than the last time he had thrown it.
‘THIS AGIAIN!.’ I dodged just in time to stop the blade from passing through my forehead, clenching my jaw “ARE YOU TRYING TO FREAKING KILL ME!”
He suddenly looked dumbfounded, as if it was somehow inconceivable that I would get mad or yell at him. Either that or he was surprised I managed to dodge… I didn’t know which one was worse.
Quickly wiping his expression and becoming stern again, he spoke. “You’re still running away. The strong don't dodge their problems or avoid them, they face them head-on.” He pounded his chest with his fist.
‘Is he seriously saying I was supposed to block the attack with my face? Is he stupid?’
I set my bow down and picked up the knife, channeling my magic into my muscles to strengthen them just as I was taught.
‘First, reinforce the body, and strengthen the bones, then reinforce the muscle and lower my body's natural instinct to limit force output. Finally… Move.’
I flung the dagger back at him as hard as I could.
He didn’t even flinch, or try to move, he just stood firm as it penetrated straight down to the hilt. ‘He… Didn’t move…’ I looked down at my hand, starting to feel nauseous again at what I had done. I was almost unable to believe I threw it hard enough to even pierce his skin, but with magic, I wasn’t as weak as a fly anymore.
He pulled the knife out like it was nothing, blood filling his shirt. “Good, good, I’d say you’re about as strong as you’re sister now.”
I tensed my hand as hard as I could to try and get the jitters out. Everything was still ok, so I tried not to let it bother me, wiping the sweat from my palms on my pant leg. It was still unsettling though, if the knife blade was longer, or his chest wasn’t so buff, it would have pierced his heart…
A devilish grin slowly crossed his face and it gave me chills as he almost started to laugh.
‘I guess… Were 4 to 1 now…’
“Like that, that’s how you take a hit like a man! See, that is the example you should strive for!”
“But… I’m a girl though…”
He just continued to laugh.
I gulped. ‘He really is stupid…’
Words were forming in my mind, but I almost felt too scared to say anything. ‘It really is the same as with Bhaltair… That means that even if there are consequences I have to open my mouth. If I don’t it’s like I’m tipping over my own king, it’s like I’m admitting he broke me…
“Even Mara, who has as many scars as it gets, still managed to protect her chest somehow. It’s like the one place that isn’t scarred… Don’t just laugh. It’s important” My heart raced in my chest, but my voice was calm. ‘Of all the things that’s what I say?’ At that moment, I wanted to disappear.
To a certain extent, I was glad when he chose to just ignore me completely, rather than engage in a debate on how important it was for me to protect my breasts… Even the thought of it made me want to hide. ‘I feel like I’m actually getting more awkward…’
He wiped the blood off his knife. “We will fix that cowardly habit of yours with this next test. Even if we don't you're ready to take it.”
‘Please don't throw it back again…’
He put it back in his belt and led me to the courtyard where Lu was waiting. When she saw me she waved. It made me happy to see her, so of course I waved back, timid though it was. ‘She really is starting to warm up to me.’
“Grab a sword, a real one.” My father said, walking out in front and taking the instructor's position.”
I did as he said, taking my own position by Lu’s side. ‘Happy memories…’ I thought sarcastically as I remembered the last time we were lined up like that.
“I guess we're going to be training together again,” Lu said cautiously. It seemed she didn’t know what to expect either, and had the same bad feeling that I did.
Still, I laughed. Trying to look tough in front of my baby sister. “Maybe it will even go as well as it did last time.”
She smiled, but it wasn’t a happy smile. Instead, it was more like she didn’t know what she was supposed to do, so she just defaulted to that. “Please don’t die.”
I laughed again. It was surprising how good it felt to hear someone say that. “I’ll do my best.”
My father cleared his throat to grab our attention. “You two will fight until only one of you can stand.”
I got chills again. ‘There it is…’
I looked over at Lu. She may have been younger, but her body was larger and tougher. ‘I was afraid of something like this…’
“To prove you are strong enough to survive, you will have to be able to hold your own against people like your sister every day while at the academy. This test combines both techniques you have learned so far.”
I walked up to the start position on the dueling ground and tightened my sheath to my sword. ‘She refused to fight last time… But what about now? Will she dare to oppose him?’
I looked back down at my blade, realizing I would have to fight someone either way. ‘With magic, I should at least stand a chance… I’ll probably run out fast though if I’m using both spells nonstop from the beginning.’
“But Dad… What do you mean?”
He raised an eyebrow. “A series of duels, fight her till she can't stand back up, or you can’t stand back up, or I call it off.”
She looked over at me, and then back at her sword. “But… I can’t. Sisters aren’t supposed to hurt each other, we're supposed to protect each other.” Her voice was shaking as much as my hands. I couldn’t help but admire how brave she was.
I liked to consider myself a professional at talking back, and even I froze up for a moment in front of him.
His eyebrows both narrowed. “Sometimes hurting someone is the only way for them to grow.”
I sighed. ‘Sounds like his personal motto.’
She lowered her sword. “I can’t…”
He placed a hand on her shoulder. “Lu, I am giving you an order.”
I saw her posture fail as he tightened his grip and her arm went limp for a moment. “Y-yes sir!” She said out of reflex. I could tell she hadn’t actually acknowledged the order at all, rather she had just said the only thing a soldier could say to someone stronger than them, like a crying uncle under pressure.
‘You can smack me around fine… But if you ever hit her…’ My heart pounded in my chest even harder as my breath quickened. ‘I honestly don’t know what I would do… But it wouldn’t be nothing.’
He stepped back. “Now then, begin whenever you're ready.”
Lu looked at me, still hesitant. She knew all too well the gap in our strength, she saw it herself. To her, it must have felt like she was being asked to be an executioner.
I looked over to our father. ‘He didn’t hit her, but who knows what will happen if she disobeys orders… If he does… Wouldn’t it hurt her even more than when he struck me… She’s still just a child… As much as I don't want to fight her… I don’t want her to get in trouble either…
I swallowed, slowly lifting my eyes, forcing a smile to try and tell her it was ok. “Lu… It’s fine. We're just sparring, right? We're not going to hurt each other if that’s all. Remember when I fought Airsidh? I didn’t even get a bruise. It's like that.”
‘The rules in that one weren’t fight till you can’t stand… But I hope she’ll buy it.’
She hesitantly tightened her sheath, checking the leather straps and locking it around her blade. “Are you sure…?”
I nodded. “Don't underestimate your big sister. I’m not someone who gets hurt so easily.”
We took our positions and readied our blades. Neither of us had much resolution, but we were ready for whatever came next. At least… I thought we were.
“Lu!” our father yelled, “Without the sheath…”
My sword tip fell to the dirt as my arms lost tension from shock. ‘These blades are dulled right?’
My father's voice was soft. It had returned to the same tone I remembered. My kindheated father from my memories I was starting to think it was just my mind playing tricks on me. ‘So he really does have a side like this…’
We walked in and sat down on my bed next to each other. At first, we sat in silence, but after a moment he wrapped an arm around me, squeezing me tight to his chest. “I’m proud of you. You passed the first test.”
‘First… test?’ “What do you mean the first? I thought you said I proved myself.”
“You never get the luxury to stop having to prove yourself. Especially someone like you.”
I felt the heat drain from my face. ‘A-ah… False hope… My old friend… Nice to see you again.’
I almost laughed, realizing how ridiculous it was to hope for the finish line to come early. I pushed myself away from him. “Is that all you have to say…”
He removed his arm from my shoulders and cleared his throat. “Right, you should be more careful in the future. Chasing glory is only worth it if you survive. No one cares how glorious it would have been if you survived, if you die you’re just a weekling.”
‘Chasing glory? I guess that sounds a lot better than running away…’ I sighed, chuckling to myself, deciding not to correct him. “Yeah… I get it. I didn’t think it through very much.”
He stood up. “As long as you understand.” He walked out the door, turning around just before closing it. “We will continue our training tomorrow. You're progressing fast. Keep it up.”
“Sure thing…”
I was sad to see him go so soon, but not for the reason one might think. I would have thought I would feel a longing for him to stay longer, and show me more of that side of him, that I would have felt good when he praised me, but I didn’t… I was sad precisely because I felt nothing of his kindness anymore.
I still wanted to believe it was real, just a different side of him, and I did to an extent… But no matter how much my brain told me he meant it. I couldn’t convince my heart he wasn’t faking.
‘Keep it up huh…’ I plopped down on my bed, gently griping the sheets of my still unfamiliar soft bed. ‘If it was up to me… I probably wouldn’t even leave my room tomorrow…’
Just like he said, our training started the next morning. I was almost expecting it to be something crazy like him dropping a boulder on my head and telling me to lift it or die.
It was pretty tame though. After I got the basic technique down we just practiced shooting my bow and moving around a few heavy braziers.
‘Now that I think about it the actual training for the last skill wasn’t that harsh either, just the test.’
“Good, I think you're ready.” I let loose another arrow from a heavy war bow and turned to look at him, only to see a knife flying at my face, much faster than the last time he had thrown it.
‘THIS AGIAIN!.’ I dodged just in time to stop the blade from passing through my forehead, clenching my jaw “ARE YOU TRYING TO FREAKING KILL ME!”
He suddenly looked dumbfounded, as if it was somehow inconceivable that I would get mad or yell at him. Either that or he was surprised I managed to dodge… I didn’t know which one was worse.
Quickly wiping his expression and becoming stern again, he spoke. “You’re still running away. The strong don't dodge their problems or avoid them, they face them head-on.” He pounded his chest with his fist.
‘Is he seriously saying I was supposed to block the attack with my face? Is he stupid?’
I set my bow down and picked up the knife, channeling my magic into my muscles to strengthen them just as I was taught.
‘First, reinforce the body, and strengthen the bones, then reinforce the muscle and lower my body's natural instinct to limit force output. Finally… Move.’
I flung the dagger back at him as hard as I could.
He didn’t even flinch, or try to move, he just stood firm as it penetrated straight down to the hilt. ‘He… Didn’t move…’ I looked down at my hand, starting to feel nauseous again at what I had done. I was almost unable to believe I threw it hard enough to even pierce his skin, but with magic, I wasn’t as weak as a fly anymore.
He pulled the knife out like it was nothing, blood filling his shirt. “Good, good, I’d say you’re about as strong as you’re sister now.”
I tensed my hand as hard as I could to try and get the jitters out. Everything was still ok, so I tried not to let it bother me, wiping the sweat from my palms on my pant leg. It was still unsettling though, if the knife blade was longer, or his chest wasn’t so buff, it would have pierced his heart…
A devilish grin slowly crossed his face and it gave me chills as he almost started to laugh.
‘I guess… Were 4 to 1 now…’
“Like that, that’s how you take a hit like a man! See, that is the example you should strive for!”
“But… I’m a girl though…”
He just continued to laugh.
I gulped. ‘He really is stupid…’
Words were forming in my mind, but I almost felt too scared to say anything. ‘It really is the same as with Bhaltair… That means that even if there are consequences I have to open my mouth. If I don’t it’s like I’m tipping over my own king, it’s like I’m admitting he broke me…
“Even Mara, who has as many scars as it gets, still managed to protect her chest somehow. It’s like the one place that isn’t scarred… Don’t just laugh. It’s important” My heart raced in my chest, but my voice was calm. ‘Of all the things that’s what I say?’ At that moment, I wanted to disappear.
To a certain extent, I was glad when he chose to just ignore me completely, rather than engage in a debate on how important it was for me to protect my breasts… Even the thought of it made me want to hide. ‘I feel like I’m actually getting more awkward…’
He wiped the blood off his knife. “We will fix that cowardly habit of yours with this next test. Even if we don't you're ready to take it.”
‘Please don't throw it back again…’
He put it back in his belt and led me to the courtyard where Lu was waiting. When she saw me she waved. It made me happy to see her, so of course I waved back, timid though it was. ‘She really is starting to warm up to me.’
“Grab a sword, a real one.” My father said, walking out in front and taking the instructor's position.”
I did as he said, taking my own position by Lu’s side. ‘Happy memories…’ I thought sarcastically as I remembered the last time we were lined up like that.
“I guess we're going to be training together again,” Lu said cautiously. It seemed she didn’t know what to expect either, and had the same bad feeling that I did.
Still, I laughed. Trying to look tough in front of my baby sister. “Maybe it will even go as well as it did last time.”
She smiled, but it wasn’t a happy smile. Instead, it was more like she didn’t know what she was supposed to do, so she just defaulted to that. “Please don’t die.”
I laughed again. It was surprising how good it felt to hear someone say that. “I’ll do my best.”
My father cleared his throat to grab our attention. “You two will fight until only one of you can stand.”
I got chills again. ‘There it is…’
I looked over at Lu. She may have been younger, but her body was larger and tougher. ‘I was afraid of something like this…’
“To prove you are strong enough to survive, you will have to be able to hold your own against people like your sister every day while at the academy. This test combines both techniques you have learned so far.”
I walked up to the start position on the dueling ground and tightened my sheath to my sword. ‘She refused to fight last time… But what about now? Will she dare to oppose him?’
I looked back down at my blade, realizing I would have to fight someone either way. ‘With magic, I should at least stand a chance… I’ll probably run out fast though if I’m using both spells nonstop from the beginning.’
“But Dad… What do you mean?”
He raised an eyebrow. “A series of duels, fight her till she can't stand back up, or you can’t stand back up, or I call it off.”
She looked over at me, and then back at her sword. “But… I can’t. Sisters aren’t supposed to hurt each other, we're supposed to protect each other.” Her voice was shaking as much as my hands. I couldn’t help but admire how brave she was.
I liked to consider myself a professional at talking back, and even I froze up for a moment in front of him.
His eyebrows both narrowed. “Sometimes hurting someone is the only way for them to grow.”
I sighed. ‘Sounds like his personal motto.’
She lowered her sword. “I can’t…”
He placed a hand on her shoulder. “Lu, I am giving you an order.”
I saw her posture fail as he tightened his grip and her arm went limp for a moment. “Y-yes sir!” She said out of reflex. I could tell she hadn’t actually acknowledged the order at all, rather she had just said the only thing a soldier could say to someone stronger than them, like a crying uncle under pressure.
‘You can smack me around fine… But if you ever hit her…’ My heart pounded in my chest even harder as my breath quickened. ‘I honestly don’t know what I would do… But it wouldn’t be nothing.’
He stepped back. “Now then, begin whenever you're ready.”
Lu looked at me, still hesitant. She knew all too well the gap in our strength, she saw it herself. To her, it must have felt like she was being asked to be an executioner.
I looked over to our father. ‘He didn’t hit her, but who knows what will happen if she disobeys orders… If he does… Wouldn’t it hurt her even more than when he struck me… She’s still just a child… As much as I don't want to fight her… I don’t want her to get in trouble either…
I swallowed, slowly lifting my eyes, forcing a smile to try and tell her it was ok. “Lu… It’s fine. We're just sparring, right? We're not going to hurt each other if that’s all. Remember when I fought Airsidh? I didn’t even get a bruise. It's like that.”
‘The rules in that one weren’t fight till you can’t stand… But I hope she’ll buy it.’
She hesitantly tightened her sheath, checking the leather straps and locking it around her blade. “Are you sure…?”
I nodded. “Don't underestimate your big sister. I’m not someone who gets hurt so easily.”
We took our positions and readied our blades. Neither of us had much resolution, but we were ready for whatever came next. At least… I thought we were.
“Lu!” our father yelled, “Without the sheath…”
My sword tip fell to the dirt as my arms lost tension from shock. ‘These blades are dulled right?’
