Without thinking, I charged and swung my sword at my father with everything I had. Giant shards of ice encased the blade. I wasn’t sure what I was trying to do at that moment, In truth, I probably wasn’t actually trying to do anything. I wasn’t aiming for his vitals, I wasn’t trying to teach him a lesson, or even vent my emotions. My thoughts were blank.
He grabbed the sword with his bare hand again, but I pulled it back, gashing his fingers as it slid cleanly from his grip and I swung again. I hit him three times after that. True to his teaching he took all three blows without so much as flinching. On to the left forearm, followed by one to the same side shoulder, and finally a strike to the head with the flat of the blade.
With each strike, a searing hot red flame burst from the point of impact, and ice erupted from the ground.
The flames progressively grew hotter and hotter, and the ice expanded, until the final blow where the entire courtyard overturned and dirt and stone was uprooted from the earth.
The ice weaved around me seamlessly, but the sharp spikes had poked him more than once, never managing to pierce his skin.
As the conflicting forces of ice and fire coming out of my body clashed. I started to feel a surging pain and all the ice around me burst into glittering dust with a red eruption like fireworks.
I dropped my sword again, throwing it away for the first time, unsure of what came next. I still couldn’t feel my tears, but as I tried to rub my aching eyes I could feel the streaks of water stuck to my skin under my left eye.
We both stood there, just staring at each other. Every fiber of my being told me I had to run, but I couldn’t move. Even though the ice had melted, it still felt like my feet were frozen to the ground.
True to the mechanical persona I had given him, my father remained stern, his expression unchanging. I couldn’t help but wonder if it wasn’t just out of shock.
His hair was scorched black on the right side of his face. Long streaks of ash covered it from one side to the other. His shirt was burned through, his shoulder cut, oozing and blistering as blood trickled down and dripped into a small pool on the ground under his left hand.
“You can’t even beat me and I’m not fighting back. That’s why you’re weak.”
A part of me wanted to run away again, but I knew I’d never be able to face myself if I did. I took a big gulp, imagining I was swallowing all of my emotions and burying them deep down inside. “Really? Because the way I see it, I not only drew first blood, but second, third, fourth, and even managed to help fix that stupid face of yours...” I may have sounded tough, but I couldn’t stop my legs from shaking.
He washed the ash from his face with the blood from his hand and looked me dead in the eye. “And yet this is all you could do, even with magic. This is why you’ll never be as good as you’re sister.”
His words were spiteful, but somehow I didn't get that feeling from them at all. His cold lifeless voice made it feel like he was just stating facts, rather than actively trying to bring me down. “What… Are you upset I finally managed to beat Daddy’s little girl?”
I was trying to act smug, but my stomach was twisted in knots as the thought of me hurting her played through my mind over and over. I recalled the feeling of the wolves' bodies going limp in my hands and had to bite my lip to stop myself from reacting too strongly and allowing my facade to crumble.
“Do you see now why I had to throw you to the wolves? The struggle of fighting for your life brings out exponential growth.”
“I thought you said I wouldn’t have to face life or death challenges anymore…” I grumbled.
“Right. I only needed to make you think that you were.” He grabbed one of the swords and slammed the blade into my shoulder before I could react.
I felt the impact strike heavily, bruising me, but the cut was shallow. ‘It's… not sharp?’ The blade was more so tearing the skin, than actually cutting it.
“Sharp enough to cut, too dull to kill, well, at least on its own. And no pointed tip to pierce. You were two little girls playing with butter knives. Although I suppose YOU were in some level of danger. Even if you did hit her the strike would have landed on the side of her neck, and I doubt it would have been deep enough to leave a scar.”
“You could have at least told Lu that…” I muttered…
“This was important for her too, she needs to learn what it feels like to fight with her life on the line. It was a good experience for her. I only stopped you from hitting her because I could tell you were getting emotional. If you hit her like you hit me, that could actually hurt her.”
‘He’s finally explaining himself… But he sounds like an idiot. It isn’t even worth trying to explain why I would only ever be able to hit him like that. Honestly, that doesn’t even matter to me anyway… Not as much as everything else…’
I could still clearly recall Lu’s pale face and my own shaking hands. “I’m sorry… But you’re wrong…”
“What was that?”
“Even if everything you said is true… This wasn’t the way to do it…” I looked at the leftover water from ice, lying in a pool in the ground where the stone floor tiles used to lay. The water reflected my own face. It was hard to look at.
Even if I didn’t almost kill her it all just felt wrong. I felt gross inside, like I was just forced to eat live centipedes, and they were still crawling around inside my stomach.
“If you made Airsidh fight me, or Mara… Or even Bhaltair, even though I’ve been dreading having to look him in the eye when I finally see him again… If you did any of those things I wouldn’t have thought anything different than the last test… But this? I…”
As hard as it was to look at my own face, it was even harder to look at his, but I forced myself to anyway. I wanted… I needed to look him in the eyes, no matter how much it hurt. “If this ends up hurting my relationship with Lu, then I’ll h–-…”
It was the first time I ever formed the word hate in my mouth, but I still couldn’t say it. I felt lightheaded as time started to move in slow motion and my memories of him flashed before my eyes as though I had just seen him fall from a cliff. “I’ll never forgive you… Even if it doesn’t… I still might not…”
It was like the twine that had snapped in my head was the rope he was holding onto. When it snapped he died to me. Any other side to him there may have been, or memories I had from years ago, they all lit up in flames.
They were once my most precious treasures, but in that moment they might as well have all turned to ash. It seemed almost fitting, after all, my frost may been terrifying, but on the inside my fire had always burned hotter.
I turned and walked away, unable to stand being there any longer.
“Siya, Come clean this up!” He yelled. I knew it was some kind of travesty to leave a sword lying on the ground, even more so if it was out of its sheath, but I didn’t care. Neither did I care that the courtyard was in shambles, or the ground was stained with ash and blood.
I didn’t respond, turn around, or even flinch as he raised his voice. I just went to my room and closed the door, unable to stop thinking about Lu’s face.
‘I was the one that said sisters don’t hurt each other wasn’t I? And I almost…’ More tears fell to the ground, staining my sheets.
After standing up to my father it seemed almost laughable there could be something harder… ‘I have to talk to her… Even if she rejects me I have to at least tell her I’m sorry.’
It was so hard for me to bring myself to move towards her room that I physically had to roll and fall out of my bed, my legs refusing to stand up.
When they finally did, My brain wouldn’t let me walk towards her room… To stall I somehow convinced myself I only got up to go wash myself off. The longer I avoided it the harder it seemed to become… I never even cleaned myself off, just paced back and forth in the bathhouse.
Finally, I came up with a solution.
The bath was still full, even if it wasn’t heated. I froze it nearly solid, chunks of ice floating around in the water. ‘It seems so long ago now… What was the time she gave me again?’ I paused, looking at the cold water as my skin got goosebumps all over. ‘Right… Three minutes. Last time she pulled me out early.’
I climbed up the stairs to the tub, but when my toes touched I shuddered pulling them back out. ‘If I’m immune to the cold then why does it still suck so much…’ I took a deep breath. ‘Three minutes… If I can do this on my own, without any reason or motivation… I can do anything right?’
I sat down, holding my breath as I dangled my legs into the water letting out a whiny groan as I convinced myself to go further. Finally sliding in my whole body. Letting out a yip I started shivering almost immediately. ‘I can’t use magic to stay warm… That’s cheating. I need to hold out on my own.’
My whole body went numb and my skin turned bright red as I finally cleared my mind. There was so much tension in my body from the cold that any other tension, emotional or psychological, seemed to vanish. When the three minutes were up I jumped out as fast as I could and got dressed.
‘Three minutes… Talking to my sister a bit is easy compared to that right?’
After pulling myself together I went to her room and knocked on the door still shivering from the cold water.
Without thinking, I charged and swung my sword at my father with everything I had. Giant shards of ice encased the blade. I wasn’t sure what I was trying to do at that moment, In truth, I probably wasn’t actually trying to do anything. I wasn’t aiming for his vitals, I wasn’t trying to teach him a lesson, or even vent my emotions. My thoughts were blank.
He grabbed the sword with his bare hand again, but I pulled it back, gashing his fingers as it slid cleanly from his grip and I swung again. I hit him three times after that. True to his teaching he took all three blows without so much as flinching. On to the left forearm, followed by one to the same side shoulder, and finally a strike to the head with the flat of the blade.
With each strike, a searing hot red flame burst from the point of impact, and ice erupted from the ground.
The flames progressively grew hotter and hotter, and the ice expanded, until the final blow where the entire courtyard overturned and dirt and stone was uprooted from the earth.
The ice weaved around me seamlessly, but the sharp spikes had poked him more than once, never managing to pierce his skin.
As the conflicting forces of ice and fire coming out of my body clashed. I started to feel a surging pain and all the ice around me burst into glittering dust with a red eruption like fireworks.
I dropped my sword again, throwing it away for the first time, unsure of what came next. I still couldn’t feel my tears, but as I tried to rub my aching eyes I could feel the streaks of water stuck to my skin under my left eye.
We both stood there, just staring at each other. Every fiber of my being told me I had to run, but I couldn’t move. Even though the ice had melted, it still felt like my feet were frozen to the ground.
True to the mechanical persona I had given him, my father remained stern, his expression unchanging. I couldn’t help but wonder if it wasn’t just out of shock.
His hair was scorched black on the right side of his face. Long streaks of ash covered it from one side to the other. His shirt was burned through, his shoulder cut, oozing and blistering as blood trickled down and dripped into a small pool on the ground under his left hand.
“You can’t even beat me and I’m not fighting back. That’s why you’re weak.”
A part of me wanted to run away again, but I knew I’d never be able to face myself if I did. I took a big gulp, imagining I was swallowing all of my emotions and burying them deep down inside. “Really? Because the way I see it, I not only drew first blood, but second, third, fourth, and even managed to help fix that stupid face of yours...” I may have sounded tough, but I couldn’t stop my legs from shaking.
He washed the ash from his face with the blood from his hand and looked me dead in the eye. “And yet this is all you could do, even with magic. This is why you’ll never be as good as you’re sister.”
His words were spiteful, but somehow I didn't get that feeling from them at all. His cold lifeless voice made it feel like he was just stating facts, rather than actively trying to bring me down. “What… Are you upset I finally managed to beat Daddy’s little girl?”
I was trying to act smug, but my stomach was twisted in knots as the thought of me hurting her played through my mind over and over. I recalled the feeling of the wolves' bodies going limp in my hands and had to bite my lip to stop myself from reacting too strongly and allowing my facade to crumble.
“Do you see now why I had to throw you to the wolves? The struggle of fighting for your life brings out exponential growth.”
“I thought you said I wouldn’t have to face life or death challenges anymore…” I grumbled.
“Right. I only needed to make you think that you were.” He grabbed one of the swords and slammed the blade into my shoulder before I could react.
I felt the impact strike heavily, bruising me, but the cut was shallow. ‘It's… not sharp?’ The blade was more so tearing the skin, than actually cutting it.
“Sharp enough to cut, too dull to kill, well, at least on its own. And no pointed tip to pierce. You were two little girls playing with butter knives. Although I suppose YOU were in some level of danger. Even if you did hit her the strike would have landed on the side of her neck, and I doubt it would have been deep enough to leave a scar.”
“You could have at least told Lu that…” I muttered…
“This was important for her too, she needs to learn what it feels like to fight with her life on the line. It was a good experience for her. I only stopped you from hitting her because I could tell you were getting emotional. If you hit her like you hit me, that could actually hurt her.”
‘He’s finally explaining himself… But he sounds like an idiot. It isn’t even worth trying to explain why I would only ever be able to hit him like that. Honestly, that doesn’t even matter to me anyway… Not as much as everything else…’
I could still clearly recall Lu’s pale face and my own shaking hands. “I’m sorry… But you’re wrong…”
“What was that?”
“Even if everything you said is true… This wasn’t the way to do it…” I looked at the leftover water from ice, lying in a pool in the ground where the stone floor tiles used to lay. The water reflected my own face. It was hard to look at.
Even if I didn’t almost kill her it all just felt wrong. I felt gross inside, like I was just forced to eat live centipedes, and they were still crawling around inside my stomach.
“If you made Airsidh fight me, or Mara… Or even Bhaltair, even though I’ve been dreading having to look him in the eye when I finally see him again… If you did any of those things I wouldn’t have thought anything different than the last test… But this? I…”
As hard as it was to look at my own face, it was even harder to look at his, but I forced myself to anyway. I wanted… I needed to look him in the eyes, no matter how much it hurt. “If this ends up hurting my relationship with Lu, then I’ll h–-…”
It was the first time I ever formed the word hate in my mouth, but I still couldn’t say it. I felt lightheaded as time started to move in slow motion and my memories of him flashed before my eyes as though I had just seen him fall from a cliff. “I’ll never forgive you… Even if it doesn’t… I still might not…”
It was like the twine that had snapped in my head was the rope he was holding onto. When it snapped he died to me. Any other side to him there may have been, or memories I had from years ago, they all lit up in flames.
They were once my most precious treasures, but in that moment they might as well have all turned to ash. It seemed almost fitting, after all, my frost may been terrifying, but on the inside my fire had always burned hotter.
I turned and walked away, unable to stand being there any longer.
“Siya, Come clean this up!” He yelled. I knew it was some kind of travesty to leave a sword lying on the ground, even more so if it was out of its sheath, but I didn’t care. Neither did I care that the courtyard was in shambles, or the ground was stained with ash and blood.
I didn’t respond, turn around, or even flinch as he raised his voice. I just went to my room and closed the door, unable to stop thinking about Lu’s face.
‘I was the one that said sisters don’t hurt each other wasn’t I? And I almost…’ More tears fell to the ground, staining my sheets.
After standing up to my father it seemed almost laughable there could be something harder… ‘I have to talk to her… Even if she rejects me I have to at least tell her I’m sorry.’
It was so hard for me to bring myself to move towards her room that I physically had to roll and fall out of my bed, my legs refusing to stand up.
When they finally did, My brain wouldn’t let me walk towards her room… To stall I somehow convinced myself I only got up to go wash myself off. The longer I avoided it the harder it seemed to become… I never even cleaned myself off, just paced back and forth in the bathhouse.
Finally, I came up with a solution.
The bath was still full, even if it wasn’t heated. I froze it nearly solid, chunks of ice floating around in the water. ‘It seems so long ago now… What was the time she gave me again?’ I paused, looking at the cold water as my skin got goosebumps all over. ‘Right… Three minutes. Last time she pulled me out early.’
I climbed up the stairs to the tub, but when my toes touched I shuddered pulling them back out. ‘If I’m immune to the cold then why does it still suck so much…’ I took a deep breath. ‘Three minutes… If I can do this on my own, without any reason or motivation… I can do anything right?’
I sat down, holding my breath as I dangled my legs into the water letting out a whiny groan as I convinced myself to go further. Finally sliding in my whole body. Letting out a yip I started shivering almost immediately. ‘I can’t use magic to stay warm… That’s cheating. I need to hold out on my own.’
My whole body went numb and my skin turned bright red as I finally cleared my mind. There was so much tension in my body from the cold that any other tension, emotional or psychological, seemed to vanish. When the three minutes were up I jumped out as fast as I could and got dressed.
‘Three minutes… Talking to my sister a bit is easy compared to that right?’
After pulling myself together I went to her room and knocked on the door still shivering from the cold water.
