My whole body felt heavy as I began to come back to my senses, unsure if I had fallen asleep, or fallen into a trance.
I could feel a warm towel lying on my head. Despite being awake, I couldn't bring myself to move. It wasn't just my bruises and muscles that ached, but now it was as if the inside of my body was sore as well.
‘Couldn't he have told me beforehand that this was going to happen? Even Mara always explains training exercises before she puts me through them… Well, I guess he’s always been like this though… I just didn’t realize it. I always thought he was the only one on my side. Even if he wasn’t fighting in my army, I imagined him as a general, or at least an advisor… I certainly didn’t think he was actually the opposing army’s king.’
A dull chatter started to cut through the ringing in my ears as I stayed motionless, wallowing in my own thoughts.
I always thought of myself as a strategist, a tactician. Even though my body was weak, I thought that made up for it somehow, it gave me value, even if no one else could see it… But… To be so blind to what was so obviously in front of me for so long… I felt like what little value I had was imaginary like I was just a disposable little girl.
Before long the drifting voices came into focus like I was sitting at a computer wearing headphones. I could tell instantly where each person was, but I could also hear them as if they were right next to me.
‘I don't want to talk to anyone right now… I just want to be alone…’ Even if they did speak to me I probably wouldn't answer, especially if a groan would suffice as a response. Thankfully, it didn't seem like they were all too interested in me anyway chatting away.
After all, why wouldn't they, it wasn’t like anything changed, or like anything was different, especially not for them.
Bhaltairs' voice was the first that I could clearly make out. “Naturally as the strongest, I will inherit father's land and title.”
It normally sent shivers down my spine, but even as my head began to clear I felt nothing. It was deep but smooth like silk. I wanted to hate it, to find its sound disgusting, but ultimately I ended up just finding it a pity that such a smooth voice belonged to such a cruel man.
Without looking up I could see him clearly in my mind. Every feature of his face burned into my memory. As the images of him beating me flashed through my mind I didn’t feel fear or even pain. I felt a cold determination. If I was going to either succeed or die, then I was done letting other people decide how I should train.
‘When the time came I nearly begged him to stop, but my feet still followed after him.’
“What about you then Airsidh, what do you want to do when you graduate.” My little sister was sitting across from me kicking her legs that still couldn't even reach the ground… Of course, mine couldn't either. I felt each slight brush of air reach my skin from under the table and heard each breath she took.
Airsidh’s voice came from my left. “Who me? I'm going to own the world of course.”
‘The only person I’ve ever called brother…’ There was still so much about him I didn’t understand. ‘I am grateful for him… He’s… Well, I’m not sure if kind is the right word… He’s human.’
“Wait, so that would mean you'd be above Bhaltair right?” Lu ended up taking him at his word. I wasn't sure if she knew what a lie was, but she definitely didn't understand sarcasm. I couldn't help but find myself smiling as the sound of Bhaltair's jaw clenching reached my ears.
“As for me, I'm going to be a general, maybe I'll help you take it over.”
‘A general…’ I pictured her. Both the sweet child I played with, and the fierce warrior she had already become. ‘Even if you don’t cry at my funeral… I hope you’ll at least bring flowers…’
I ripple cascaded through my mind as a perfect image of the space around me took shape.
There was no doubt. I was experiencing yet another mysterious power that in all likelihood consumed manna, so after the awe wore off, my first thought was how I might turn it off. My second thought was if I even cared.
‘If I waste too much manna I'll end up in a bad state again… It must have activated instinctively like the others, responding to my lack of sight and feeling of being in the dark. So maybe all I have to do is open my eyes?’
I hardly cared about my own well-being, starting to try and move simply out of curiosity about whether or not my suspicion was right.
The talking around me stopped and my mind went blank. All my senses returned to normal, which felt incredibly dull in comparison. ‘Well, at least I won't get another nosebleed. It still hurts from the last one…’
placing a hand on the warm towel covering my head I let out a groan as my aching joints cried for me to just go back to sleep. Immediately I regretted waking up, wanting to just listen to them, but it was too late. If I was going to move I was going to move, I wanted more than anything to just be alone. To both have time to think, and to not think at all.
‘Is my father really any different from the rest of them? Is he worse? Are Airsidh and Lu family? What about Mara, has she really just been acting under my father's orders this whole time?’
Just as I lifted my head, a sharp yank on my hair jerked my neck back and nearly flung me out of the seat.
“Finally awake huh?” Bhaltairs' devilish voice reached out to me, his mouth half filled with bread.
The sudden movement sent a jolt through my whole body, causing me to recoil as the muscles in my neck tightened.
“Yeah well, it's hard to sleep with a devil nearby…”
My body was still too tired for me to even speak clearly, so I just let out a loud groan in response, putting my head back down on the table and covering it with my hands.
No matter what he did to me, I wouldn't cry out. Not in pain, not for help, and certainly not for mercy. It wasn’t just that though. I was fed up with it, with all of it him, and my entire family as a whole. “Go screw yourself.”
Silence covered the room, and Bhaltair himself was the only one who dared to disturb it.“What was that? I don't think I heard you. I barely touched you and you already shaking so much you can't talk straight?”
His voice was fiery, but it wasn't warm like Airsidh’s, or my father's. It was hot. Every time he spoke it was as if he breathed fire, his words burning into me. I knew he was trying to get a reaction, fear, panic, anything. ‘I won't let it show… I won't let him…’ The image of him rolling out his set of knives vividly replayed in my mind along with my own thoughts. ‘This isn’t training… I can fight back right?’
Our relationship was like a war between a dragon and a bear. I was always forced to hide, never given an opportunity to attack. Of course, that didn't stop me from trying.
Without a word, I planted my elbow on the table and raised my pinky and index fingers into the air. ‘The devil's horns…’ As soon as my hand made the gesture I started regretting it. He certainly deserved it, but it made me feel dirty to stoop so low as to use it. Still… ‘If My goal was to piss him off, that’ll do it for sure…’
He certainly didn't like it when I talked back to him, or when did something “Ina[ro[riate.” Which of course included vulgar jokes, words, and gestures. He… Didn’t like a lot of things though, even scolding me once for dressing inappropriately when I only had one set of clothes.
On the surface, it made sense that if I acted inappropriately it would bring shame to the family, but it was pretty obvious it was just another excuse for him to bully me.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if just hearing my voice at all made him angry. Regardless, I resolved within myself to never let it get to me. Even if it made things worse I didn’t care. He could hurt me, but in my entire life, he never went so far as to break my bones or knock me out.
So in the end all he ever did was cause pain, and a little pain was nothing if it meant I could keep my sanity. If I had to describe him, the word sadistic came to mind, but I wasn’t much different.
After all, hearing his jaw clench and his teeth grind. It brought a grin to my face that I couldn’t deny. Even if I knew it was about to get wiped away soon.
‘Am I only going this far because of this heaviness in my chest?’ I slowly relaxed my hand, bringing it back down to the table. ‘Well, it’s too late to go back now…’
My whole body felt heavy as I began to come back to my senses, unsure if I had fallen asleep, or fallen into a trance.
I could feel a warm towel lying on my head. Despite being awake, I couldn't bring myself to move. It wasn't just my bruises and muscles that ached, but now it was as if the inside of my body was sore as well.
‘Couldn't he have told me beforehand that this was going to happen? Even Mara always explains training exercises before she puts me through them… Well, I guess he’s always been like this though… I just didn’t realize it. I always thought he was the only one on my side. Even if he wasn’t fighting in my army, I imagined him as a general, or at least an advisor… I certainly didn’t think he was actually the opposing army’s king.’
A dull chatter started to cut through the ringing in my ears as I stayed motionless, wallowing in my own thoughts.
I always thought of myself as a strategist, a tactician. Even though my body was weak, I thought that made up for it somehow, it gave me value, even if no one else could see it… But… To be so blind to what was so obviously in front of me for so long… I felt like what little value I had was imaginary like I was just a disposable little girl.
Before long the drifting voices came into focus like I was sitting at a computer wearing headphones. I could tell instantly where each person was, but I could also hear them as if they were right next to me.
‘I don't want to talk to anyone right now… I just want to be alone…’ Even if they did speak to me I probably wouldn't answer, especially if a groan would suffice as a response. Thankfully, it didn't seem like they were all too interested in me anyway chatting away.
After all, why wouldn't they, it wasn’t like anything changed, or like anything was different, especially not for them.
Bhaltairs' voice was the first that I could clearly make out. “Naturally as the strongest, I will inherit father's land and title.”
It normally sent shivers down my spine, but even as my head began to clear I felt nothing. It was deep but smooth like silk. I wanted to hate it, to find its sound disgusting, but ultimately I ended up just finding it a pity that such a smooth voice belonged to such a cruel man.
Without looking up I could see him clearly in my mind. Every feature of his face burned into my memory. As the images of him beating me flashed through my mind I didn’t feel fear or even pain. I felt a cold determination. If I was going to either succeed or die, then I was done letting other people decide how I should train.
‘When the time came I nearly begged him to stop, but my feet still followed after him.’
“What about you then Airsidh, what do you want to do when you graduate.” My little sister was sitting across from me kicking her legs that still couldn't even reach the ground… Of course, mine couldn't either. I felt each slight brush of air reach my skin from under the table and heard each breath she took.
Airsidh’s voice came from my left. “Who me? I'm going to own the world of course.”
‘The only person I’ve ever called brother…’ There was still so much about him I didn’t understand. ‘I am grateful for him… He’s… Well, I’m not sure if kind is the right word… He’s human.’
“Wait, so that would mean you'd be above Bhaltair right?” Lu ended up taking him at his word. I wasn't sure if she knew what a lie was, but she definitely didn't understand sarcasm. I couldn't help but find myself smiling as the sound of Bhaltair's jaw clenching reached my ears.
“As for me, I'm going to be a general, maybe I'll help you take it over.”
‘A general…’ I pictured her. Both the sweet child I played with, and the fierce warrior she had already become. ‘Even if you don’t cry at my funeral… I hope you’ll at least bring flowers…’
I ripple cascaded through my mind as a perfect image of the space around me took shape.
There was no doubt. I was experiencing yet another mysterious power that in all likelihood consumed manna, so after the awe wore off, my first thought was how I might turn it off. My second thought was if I even cared.
‘If I waste too much manna I'll end up in a bad state again… It must have activated instinctively like the others, responding to my lack of sight and feeling of being in the dark. So maybe all I have to do is open my eyes?’
I hardly cared about my own well-being, starting to try and move simply out of curiosity about whether or not my suspicion was right.
The talking around me stopped and my mind went blank. All my senses returned to normal, which felt incredibly dull in comparison. ‘Well, at least I won't get another nosebleed. It still hurts from the last one…’
placing a hand on the warm towel covering my head I let out a groan as my aching joints cried for me to just go back to sleep. Immediately I regretted waking up, wanting to just listen to them, but it was too late. If I was going to move I was going to move, I wanted more than anything to just be alone. To both have time to think, and to not think at all.
‘Is my father really any different from the rest of them? Is he worse? Are Airsidh and Lu family? What about Mara, has she really just been acting under my father's orders this whole time?’
Just as I lifted my head, a sharp yank on my hair jerked my neck back and nearly flung me out of the seat.
“Finally awake huh?” Bhaltairs' devilish voice reached out to me, his mouth half filled with bread.
The sudden movement sent a jolt through my whole body, causing me to recoil as the muscles in my neck tightened.
“Yeah well, it's hard to sleep with a devil nearby…”
My body was still too tired for me to even speak clearly, so I just let out a loud groan in response, putting my head back down on the table and covering it with my hands.
No matter what he did to me, I wouldn't cry out. Not in pain, not for help, and certainly not for mercy. It wasn’t just that though. I was fed up with it, with all of it him, and my entire family as a whole. “Go screw yourself.”
Silence covered the room, and Bhaltair himself was the only one who dared to disturb it.“What was that? I don't think I heard you. I barely touched you and you already shaking so much you can't talk straight?”
His voice was fiery, but it wasn't warm like Airsidh’s, or my father's. It was hot. Every time he spoke it was as if he breathed fire, his words burning into me. I knew he was trying to get a reaction, fear, panic, anything. ‘I won't let it show… I won't let him…’ The image of him rolling out his set of knives vividly replayed in my mind along with my own thoughts. ‘This isn’t training… I can fight back right?’
Our relationship was like a war between a dragon and a bear. I was always forced to hide, never given an opportunity to attack. Of course, that didn't stop me from trying.
Without a word, I planted my elbow on the table and raised my pinky and index fingers into the air. ‘The devil's horns…’ As soon as my hand made the gesture I started regretting it. He certainly deserved it, but it made me feel dirty to stoop so low as to use it. Still… ‘If My goal was to piss him off, that’ll do it for sure…’
He certainly didn't like it when I talked back to him, or when did something “Ina[ro[riate.” Which of course included vulgar jokes, words, and gestures. He… Didn’t like a lot of things though, even scolding me once for dressing inappropriately when I only had one set of clothes.
On the surface, it made sense that if I acted inappropriately it would bring shame to the family, but it was pretty obvious it was just another excuse for him to bully me.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if just hearing my voice at all made him angry. Regardless, I resolved within myself to never let it get to me. Even if it made things worse I didn’t care. He could hurt me, but in my entire life, he never went so far as to break my bones or knock me out.
So in the end all he ever did was cause pain, and a little pain was nothing if it meant I could keep my sanity. If I had to describe him, the word sadistic came to mind, but I wasn’t much different.
After all, hearing his jaw clench and his teeth grind. It brought a grin to my face that I couldn’t deny. Even if I knew it was about to get wiped away soon.
‘Am I only going this far because of this heaviness in my chest?’ I slowly relaxed my hand, bringing it back down to the table. ‘Well, it’s too late to go back now…’
