Chapter 32: The Talk

This is weird.

“This is very weird.” Alyssa had imagined many scenarios throughout her life. Recently, she had expected, for example, her mother to be angry if she got hurt one too many times doing something bad. Another one was mom chewing her out for using her powers inside the house, or mom asking her to get something from the roof by flying up there. There were a lot of conversations she’d expected to have. 

She had not expected to stand in front of her mom, arms crossed, like she was chiding a teenager. The thin blue line – that was to say, half of it – was on the sofa next to Lauren, who looked exactly like a teenager who had been caught sneaking out. 

“I’m going to be honest, Mom,” Alyssa said, “this is absolutely one of the strangest things anyone has ever been caught doing in this house, and I feel like I gotta remind you that you caught me being a superhero in the bathroom.”

“There’s worse things to be caught doing in the bathroom,” Lauren said. 

“Mom!”

“I’m sorry!” Lauren sat back on the sofa and rubbed her face in her hands. “I’m sorry.”

“Explain it to me, Mom,” Alyssa said. “Dad’s old friends come by here like, every couple of weeks to put that sign back up and you never tell them you don’t want it so why are you the one tearing it down? I don’t get it.”

“I don’t– I didn’t want to have this conversation with you yet, Aly,” Lauren said, the nickname rolling out of her mouth like it was the most natural thing in the world. 

Gotta be honest, it’s winning her some points, Amaranth said. It was hard to disagree. It made Alyssa feel like something better than a rockstar. It made her feel like a daughter. Hard to beat, that. 

“What conversation, Mom?” Alyssa said. “Is this going to be one of those situations where the hero finds out that their mom is secretly a villain who becomes their reluctant nemesis because I’ve seen those movies and usually either the mom reforms or dies and I’m not in the mood for one of those.”

“Uh,” Lauren said, “no.”

“That’s what a villain would say,” Alyssa said, narrowing her eyes, and then sat down in the seat opposite her. “Just tell me what this is about, Mom. I deserve to know after catching you in the act.”

“It’s not going to be easy, honey. Or pretty,” Lauren sighed. “You’re young and there’s things you care about that I don’t want to take away from you. Not yet, you know?”

“Well, is this one of those things where, if you tell me in five to fifteen years, I’ll go ‘oh my god so my whole life was a lie?’ because if so, I prefer you tell me now so I can get that over with and I can just, like, live my life for the next five to fifteen years.”

“It’s about your dad.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Lauren stood up. “I’m going to make us some tea. Come.” Usually, Alyssa didn’t really see her mom like this. She was in her mid-thirties, and took care of herself, but there was a tiredness there now she usually hid well. Her shoulders drooped like they usually didn’t. The only sound in the kitchen for several minutes was her mom pouring water and turning the electric kettle on, the clinking of mugs, and the little half-ripped box of tea bags. Finally, holding two mugs, Lauren turned to Alyssa. 

This, Amaranth said, does not look like it’s going to be pleasant. 

“Yeah,” Alyssa said. Her mom cocked her head, and then pursed her lips. 

“That’s Amaranth, right? Amy? Who you’re talking to?” Alyssa nodded. “Yeah, alright. Can I talk to her for a second?” Nod nod. 

“I’m here. How can I help?”

Lauren sat the mug down in front of Alyssa. “I feel like I should’ve gotten you both one. Anyway, you’re an alien, right?”

“That’s technically correct, yeah,” Amy said. “I mean, my only experience being alive has been here, and so is Penumbra, my parent.”

“Okay,” Lauren said. “So you, like, understand human emotions?”

Probably a bad time for me to tell her I technically feed on them. “Yes, Ma’am. Everything Alyssa feels, I feel too. She taught me how to be a person just by being herself. I like to think I’m pretty likable but if I am that’s only because of your daughter.”

“Okay, good. I’m asking because I want to be sure there’s someone who’s there for my baby who knows what she’s going through when I’m done, because it’s possible she’s not going to want to talk to me anymore after that.”

“Mom?” Alyssa asked. “What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry for keeping things from you, sweetie,” Lauren said, and sipped her tea. “You must have done the math. You were born when I was sixteen. I had to drop out of high school, my parents were furious. Your dad, he…”

“Oh my god,” Alyssa said, gritting her teeth, “Dad didn’t, he didn’t–”

“No, no, sweetie, no. No, he didn’t. Not that.” She shook her head. “He was my best friend, back in high school. But back then I didn’t think that I would be, how do I put this,” Lauren said, pausing. “I didn’t think I’d be dating a guy.” 

Oh. 

Oh, Amy said. 

“Oh,” Alyssa said. 

“Yes. There was a girl I was kind of sweet on. But then one day she stopped talking to me. Most people did, actually. The only person who didn’t was my best friend. One thing led to another and, well, here you are.” Lauren smiled. “And like I said before and I’ll say it again, I’m never going to regret you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You, um, you look a lot like me when I was young.”

“Mom, you’re still young,” Alyssa said, but couldn’t keep herself from playing with a little bit of her hair. “But yeah, I noticed too.”

“Anyway. That kind of kept happening. For years I thought I was just bad with people. It’s only when your dad died that someone told me what happened. Serena’s father, Bart Sessions, was one of the only people who still talked to me, and he explained that T.J. had been spreading rumors about me behind everyone’s back. It was not,” she took a deep breath, “it wasn’t pretty. He’d been doing it for years. Had the whole precinct in on it too. I tried talking to Mike about it once and he just laughed at me.”

“But why?!” Alyssa said. “That’s–” 

“A weird thing to do?” 

“Evil! Cruel! Insane!” 

“He was worried that I’d leave him, I think. Your dad got angry, sometimes. Enough to scare me. I made sure he never got that angry with you. God, the look in your eyes when he’d come home in uniform. He was your whole world back then. I couldn’t take that away from you.” Lauren sighed. “Anyway, things got harder when I had to raise you on my own, but the Armstrongs reached out to me.” She smiled. “Tony’s mom said, and I quote ‘anyone who raised a kid on her own that my boy can’t stop talking about can not be that bad.’” She smiled weakly. “I’m sorry, baby.”

Alyssa stared at her tea. She’d been taking the occasional sip, but as Lauren’s story continued the urge to drink had taken an aggressive downturn. She was sick to her fucking stomach. “Why,” she finally said, “are you sorry?” She looked up at her mom. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Mom.”

“I lied to you, baby. I know how much you loved your dad. After a few years I just couldn’t stand those signs in the front lawn anymore. I think the people at the precinct kept putting it up out of respect for him, but it always just felt like they were mocking me.”

“That’s not fair,” Alyssa said. There was a horrible feeling in her stomach. There was a picture of her dad in her room, and now it made her want to throw up. She had talked about her dad so much at school, and now she wanted to take a shower and never stop. “It’s not, it doesn’t make sense. It’s not fair to you, Mom. I don’t–”

“I know, sweetie. I’m sorry,” Lauren said. 

Alyssa shook her head and stood up. She needed to get up. She needed to run. She needed to hit something. She tensed up and– Her whole body froze. 

“I’m sorry, Ms. McCoy, Alyssa. I don’t usually do this, but I froze her up for just a second.” Alyssa strained for a second and then relaxed.

“What’s wrong?” Lauren asked. 

“Your daughter was about to inflict violence on some of the furniture,” Amy said, “and potentially the house itself. I think it’s possible she might have forgotten that slamming her hands down on the table will turn the table into floor.”

“Ah,” Lauren said. “I can’t say I blame you, sweetie.” 

Carefully, Amaranth gave Alyssa control back. It was different from Amy jumping in the driver’s seat. Alyssa had still technically been fronting, she just hadn’t been able to move. It had been like someone holding her back, just all over. And then the reality of what she’d almost done hit her. She could have hurt her mom. She could have destroyed the house her mom had spent so much time keeping clean and paying off all on her own. 

Thick tears ran down her face before long and she sank to her knees on the cold kitchen floor. Mom’s arms were around her in an instant. “Hey,” she said, “hey, it’s okay.” She gently shushed and cooed the way only a mom could, rubbing her back in little circles while keeping her in a tight hug. It started with tears, then became deep, heaving sobs, then soft whimpers. She didn’t want to be someone her mom was ever scared of. She didn’t want to be someone anyone was scared of. She didn’t want to be a monster. After a few minutes, very quietly, Alyssa heard her mom whisper. “You’re not him,” she said. That made it so much worse for a few seconds.

“But I–”

“Being angry,” Mom said, interrupting, “is normal. Not to mention the fact that you’re a teenager. You know what I did, when he died?” Alyssa softly shook her head. “I took all of his stuff in the back yard and spent four hours with a sledgehammer and an axe, then set it all on fire. I couldn’t feel my arms for two days, and it was worth it. Sometimes, baby, anger is the right response.”

“But I could have hurt you,” Alyssa said. 

“And you didn’t,” Lauren said. “Because there’s someone with you who can help point you in the right direction. Thank you by the way, Amy. You’re a good kid.”

“Thank you, Mom. Uh. Ma’am. Sorry,” Amaranth squeaked. Lauren gave a surprised look, but then shrugged and kept hugging. 

“I think we should get out of here for a bit, don’t you?” she said. “You know, we were supposed to be getting on a plane in a couple of days? We can still go, if you want.”

“I know you want to, Mom,” Alyssa said with a smile as she wiped her face. “I think it’s a good idea, yeah. There’s just something I gotta do first.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“I don’t think I can tell you,” Alyssa said sheepishly. “You’d tell me not to. But you’re going to have to trust me.” She snuggled a little closer against her mom. She couldn’t remember her mom had held her like this. She must have been a little kid back then. 

“I trust you, sweetie. Both of you.”

Good, Amy said, just for Aly this time. It would be really hard to explain to her why we’re going to break into prison.

Elamimax This was a rough chapter to write, but I hope you get something out of it. 40% and all that.

Chapter 32: The Talk This is weird. This is very weird. Alyssa had imagined many scenarios throughout her life. Recently, she had expected, for example, her mother to be angry if she got hurt one too many times doing something bad. Another one was mom chewing her out for using her powers inside the house, or mom asking her to get something from the roof by flying up there. There were a lot of conversations she'd expected to have. She had not expected to stand in front of her mom, arms crossed, like she was chiding a teenager. The thin blue line that was to say, half of it was on the sofa next to Lauren, who looked exactly like a teenager who had been caught sneaking out. I'm going to be honest, Mom, Alyssa said, this is absolutely one of the strangest things anyone has ever been caught doing in this house, and I feel like I gotta remind you that you caught me being a superhero in the bathroom. There's worse things to be caught doing in the bathroom, Lauren said. Mom! I'm sorry! Lauren sat back on the sofa and rubbed her face in her hands. I'm sorry. Explain it to me, Mom, Alyssa said. Dad's old friends come by here like, every couple of weeks to put that sign back up and you never tell them you don't want it so why are you the one tearing it down? I don't get it. I don't I didn't want to have this conversation with you yet, Aly, Lauren said, the nickname rolling out of her mouth like it was the most natural thing in the world. Gotta be honest, it's winning her some points, Amaranth said. It was hard to disagree. It made Alyssa feel like something better than a rockstar. It made her feel like a daughter. Hard to beat, that. What conversation, Mom? Alyssa said. Is this going to be one of those situations where the hero finds out that their mom is secretly a villain who becomes their reluctant nemesis because I've seen those movies and usually either the mom reforms or dies and I'm not in the mood for one of those. Uh, Lauren said, no. That's what a villain would say, Alyssa said, narrowing her eyes, and then sat down in the seat opposite her. Just tell me what this is about, Mom. I deserve to know after catching you in the act. It's not going to be easy, honey. Or pretty, Lauren sighed. You're young and there's things you care about that I don't want to take away from you. Not yet, you know? Well, is this one of those things where, if you tell me in five to fifteen years, I'll go oh my god so my whole life was a lie?' because if so, I prefer you tell me now so I can get that over with and I can just, like, live my life for the next five to fifteen years. It's about your dad. Oh. Yeah. Lauren stood up. I'm going to make us some tea. Come. Usually, Alyssa didn't really see her mom like this. She was in her mid-thirties, and took care of herself, but there was a tiredness there now she usually hid well. Her shoulders drooped like they usually didn't. The only sound in the kitchen for several minutes was her mom pouring water and turning the electric kettle on, the clinking of mugs, and the little half-ripped box of tea bags. Finally, holding two mugs, Lauren turned to Alyssa. This, Amaranth said, does not look like it's going to be pleasant. Yeah, Alyssa said. Her mom cocked her head, and then pursed her lips. That's Amaranth, right? Amy? Who you're talking to? Alyssa nodded. Yeah, alright. Can I talk to her for a second? Nod nod. I'm here. How can I help? Lauren sat the mug down in front of Alyssa. I feel like I should've gotten you both one. Anyway, you're an alien, right? That's technically correct, yeah, Amy said. I mean, my only experience being alive has been here, and so is Penumbra, my parent. Okay, Lauren said. So you, like, understand human emotions? Probably a bad time for me to tell her I technically feed on them. Yes, Ma'am. Everything Alyssa feels, I feel too. She taught me how to be a person just by being herself. I like to think I'm pretty likable but if I am that's only because of your daughter. Okay, good. I'm asking because I want to be sure there's someone who's there for my baby who knows what she's going through when I'm done, because it's possible she's not going to want to talk to me anymore after that. Mom? Alyssa asked. What's going on? I'm sorry for keeping things from you, sweetie, Lauren said, and sipped her tea. You must have done the math. You were born when I was sixteen. I had to drop out of high school, my parents were furious. Your dad, he Oh my god, Alyssa said, gritting her teeth, Dad didn't, he didn't No, no, sweetie, no. No, he didn't. Not that. She shook her head. He was my best friend, back in high school. But back then I didn't think that I would be, how do I put this, Lauren said, pausing. I didn't think I'd be dating a guy. Oh. Oh, Amy said. Oh, Alyssa said. Yes. There was a girl I was kind of sweet on. But then one day she stopped talking to me. Most people did, actually. The only person who didn't was my best friend. One thing led to another and, well, here you are. Lauren smiled. And like I said before and I'll say it again, I'm never going to regret you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. You, um, you look a lot like me when I was young. Mom, you're still young, Alyssa said, but couldn't keep herself from playing with a little bit of her hair. But yeah, I noticed too. Anyway. That kind of kept happening. For years I thought I was just bad with people. It's only when your dad died that someone told me what happened. Serena's father, Bart Sessions, was one of the only people who still talked to me, and he explained that T.J. had been spreading rumors about me behind everyone's back. It was not, she took a deep breath, it wasn't pretty. He'd been doing it for years. Had the whole precinct in on it too. I tried talking to Mike about it once and he just laughed at me. But why?! Alyssa said. That's A weird thing to do? Evil! Cruel! Insane! He was worried that I'd leave him, I think. Your dad got angry, sometimes. Enough to scare me. I made sure he never got that angry with you. God, the look in your eyes when he'd come home in uniform. He was your whole world back then. I couldn't take that away from you. Lauren sighed. Anyway, things got harder when I had to raise you on my own, but the Armstrongs reached out to me. She smiled. Tony's mom said, and I quote anyone who raised a kid on her own that my boy can't stop talking about can not be that bad.' She smiled weakly. I'm sorry, baby. Alyssa stared at her tea. She'd been taking the occasional sip, but as Lauren's story continued the urge to drink had taken an aggressive downturn. She was sick to her fucking stomach. Why, she finally said, are you sorry? She looked up at her mom. You didn't do anything wrong, Mom. I lied to you, baby. I know how much you loved your dad. After a few years I just couldn't stand those signs in the front lawn anymore. I think the people at the precinct kept putting it up out of respect for him, but it always just felt like they were mocking me. That's not fair, Alyssa said. There was a horrible feeling in her stomach. There was a picture of her dad in her room, and now it made her want to throw up. She had talked about her dad so much at school, and now she wanted to take a shower and never stop. It's not, it doesn't make sense. It's not fair to you, Mom. I don't I know, sweetie. I'm sorry, Lauren said. Alyssa shook her head and stood up. She needed to get up. She needed to run. She needed to hit something. She tensed up and Her whole body froze. I'm sorry, Ms. McCoy, Alyssa. I don't usually do this, but I froze her up for just a second. Alyssa strained for a second and then relaxed. What's wrong? Lauren asked. Your daughter was about to inflict violence on some of the furniture, Amy said, and potentially the house itself. I think it's possible she might have forgotten that slamming her hands down on the table will turn the table into floor. Ah, Lauren said. I can't say I blame you, sweetie. Carefully, Amaranth gave Alyssa control back. It was different from Amy jumping in the driver's seat. Alyssa had still technically been fronting, she just hadn't been able to move. It had been like someone holding her back, just all over. And then the reality of what she'd almost done hit her. She could have hurt her mom. She could have destroyed the house her mom had spent so much time keeping clean and paying off all on her own. Thick tears ran down her face before long and she sank to her knees on the cold kitchen floor. Mom's arms were around her in an instant. Hey, she said, hey, it's okay. She gently shushed and cooed the way only a mom could, rubbing her back in little circles while keeping her in a tight hug. It started with tears, then became deep, heaving sobs, then soft whimpers. She didn't want to be someone her mom was ever scared of. She didn't want to be someone anyone was scared of. She didn't want to be a monster. After a few minutes, very quietly, Alyssa heard her mom whisper. You're not him, she said. That made it so much worse for a few seconds. But I Being angry, Mom said, interrupting, is normal. Not to mention the fact that you're a teenager. You know what I did, when he died? Alyssa softly shook her head. I took all of his stuff in the back yard and spent four hours with a sledgehammer and an axe, then set it all on fire. I couldn't feel my arms for two days, and it was worth it. Sometimes, baby, anger is the right response. But I could have hurt you, Alyssa said. And you didn't, Lauren said. Because there's someone with you who can help point you in the right direction. Thank you by the way, Amy. You're a good kid. Thank you, Mom. Uh. Ma'am. Sorry, Amaranth squeaked. Lauren gave a surprised look, but then shrugged and kept hugging. I think we should get out of here for a bit, don't you? she said. You know, we were supposed to be getting on a plane in a couple of days? We can still go, if you want. I know you want to, Mom, Alyssa said with a smile as she wiped her face. I think it's a good idea, yeah. There's just something I gotta do first. Oh? What's that? I don't think I can tell you, Alyssa said sheepishly. You'd tell me not to. But you're going to have to trust me. She snuggled a little closer against her mom. She couldn't remember her mom had held her like this. She must have been a little kid back then. I trust you, sweetie. Both of you. Good, Amy said, just for Aly this time. It would be really hard to explain to her why we're going to break into prison. Elamimax This was a rough chapter to write, but I hope you get something out of it. 40% and all that.