Chapter 38

Sitting on the roof of the conference building, Alyssa looked at the sunset. It messed with her head a bit that it wasn’t actually going to fully go down. At this time of year, the sun basically just cozily hung out over the horizon for a few hours and then started to rise again. Twilight was as dark as it got. People just… managed. 

Max sat next to her with a half liter bottle of alcohol free beer, smiling at the ocean. Alyssa hadn’t seen her like this before, metaphorically letting her hair down. Her current actual haircut was a hard side-shave. Very punk. 

“I kind of love this,” Maxine said. “You know, the twenty-four hour day. It’s not so bright you can’t get any sleep, but bright enough to feel… safe? Like having the sun as your night light.” She took a sip of the blue-labeled bottle. “I’m sure people here feel different, though.” Turning to Alyssa, she smiled. “So… both of them, huh?”

Being smirked at like that was evil. Maxine and Penny could probably see right through her. Well, in their defense, we’re not exactly subtle most of the time. Hush. Never. Fine.

“Uh,” Alyssa said. “Uh, yeah. I think so, yeah.” She shuffled a little. Her dress fluttered in the wind. Sure, she was wearing leggings underneath – Iceland wasn’t exactly warm – but it was a dress all the same, and it was the most wonderful feeling. 

Her mom had surprised her with it when they got back. It was one of Lauren’s, from back when she was the same age as Alyssa. It was a beautiful, warm red, because of course it was. There had been crying and hugging, and some very subtle adjustments made by Amaranth to make sure everything fit just right. 

Alyssa kicked her legs and looked at the pumps she was wearing, and blushed again. “I guess I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, now?” she said, and giggled. “How do I even, how do I, uh…”

“Talking a lot,” Max said. “Communication is key. Don’t leave anything up to interpretation without talking about stuff first, or feelings are going to get hurt. Well, feelings are probably going to get hurt either way, but that’s gonna go a long way in mitigating it.”

“How do you…”

“We,” Penny said smugly, “are both dating Victoria.”

“O-oh!” Alyssa said. “I didn’t even think about that!” She turned her attention inward, and wondered loudly if that was something that Amaranth would be interested in. The symbiote had so far not really expressed an interest in anyone.

I’ve thought about it. I don’t know if it’s my jam. Not at the moment, though. 

“The point is,” Maxine said, “it’s easy to lose yourself in insecurity and bad communication. The most important part of any relationship is the people in it. As long as you focus on that, you’ll be fine. Well, and maybe make a group calendar because you don’t want to double book two separate dates.”

“How does that even happen when you’ve got a symbiote?!” 

“I’m asleep when Penny’s up, sometimes,” Max said, shrugging. “Without a planner, you can forget to pass on your schedule. Anyway, you’ll figure it out. And I’m sure Victoria will be happy to talk to you if you ever get stuck with your feelings, being the hinge of a V.”

“The what?”

“Well, you’re dating two people who aren’t dating each other,” Maxine said, holding up two fingers. “They come together at you.” She drew the fingers to a point, drawing a V in the air. “Penny and I aren’t dating – it would just be weird – but we are both dating Victoria. If your friends ever ended up dating, then it would be a triangle.” 

“Yeah, that won’t happen, I’m pretty sure Serena is exclusively a lesbian, and Anthony isn’t going to stop being a guy.” 

“Uhh,” Max said. “Yeah. Sure.”

Alyssa frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, he knows a lot about queer stuff, he immediately accepted you, and he hangs out with two queer people,” Maxine said. “Just saying.”

“Wait, do you really think he might be like me?” Alysssa asked. Amy chuckled.

Max laughed and shook her head. “Honestly, I don’t know. There’s people who say you shouldn’t speculate but I needed someone to disregard what I told them and come at my gender identity with a sledgehammer. I don’t get vibes from him, but I’m just one person. My advice is to just make him feel safe in expressing himself. If he turns out to be a girl, you’ll have two girlfriends, which is pretty cool, and if not you’ll have a boyfriend, which I’m told is also pretty cool for a girl to have.”

“Yeahhh,” Alyssa said, kicking her legs and failing again to resist the urge to giggle. Anthony was her boyfriend and that bastard acted like it. When the two of them had come back to the hotel, he had been by her side almost constantly, holding her hand and hugging her. They had taken a quick nap, and for the first time in her life, Alyssa had fallen asleep on someone’s chest. She’d never felt so small and safe before. 

“One of each sounds perfect if that’s what you’re into,” Max said. “I think. I’m sorry to say I can’t relate.”

“Oh yeah,” Alyssa said. “It’s pretty perfect. Serena is, uh, very soft.”

“Yeah,” Max said, nodding sagely. “Women.”

“Women.” Alyssa agreed and thought about Serena. She wasn’t just soft. She was pretty and the way her eyes lit up with mischief when she smiled made Alyssa all gooey, and the way her heart went full drummer when Serena got all close and – 

She sighed. “Yup,” Max said. They sat in silence for a while, then Max stepped off the roof. Alyssa looked over the side. Maxine walked along the side of the building, holding the bottle perfectly perpendicular to the ground. She clearly had experience. “Sorry, had to stretch my legs. So, not to change the subject too much, but what’s next for you, kiddo? We’re going back to the Ridge in a couple of days.”

“I don’t know,” Alyssa huffed and crossed her legs, leaning on her knees. Well, I’m gonna be honest, I get the distinct feeling that you kind of do but don’t want to say it. But if anyone would understand, it would have to be Penumbra, right? “Okay,” Alyssa said, relenting. “Maybe I kind of do. But I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do?”

“Oh?” Max said. “Anything you want to talk about?” She was clearly being careful, and who could blame her? She had been trying to mentor Redshift, and she hadn’t exactly been extremely receptive before. But Alyssa had to put her trust in someone. 

“I don’t think I can do what you do, Max. Penumbra, I mean. I don’t think being a first-responder is something I can be,” she said. “It doesn’t feel right. I know, I know, flying and all that makes me very good at getting people out of buildings but that’s not… it’s not enough. Not for me, I mean.” Maxine nodded but let her talk. “But you’re also right that going after violent crime isn’t right either. It is violence. It’s just hurting people who were already hurt by, well, you know.” She trailed off, gesturing vaguely at nothing in particular.

“Systems?” Max offered.

“Yeah. So I need to do something bigger, I think. The systems are broken and if there’s anything our symbiotes are good at, it’s fixing things, right?” Amy made a happy sound.

“I see what you’re saying,” Max said. “How do you want to do that?”

“Well, I have a few ideas,” Redshift said. Amaranth had already come out. This wasn’t a conversation for Alyssa to have. This was superhero nonsense. “I think I’m going to have to become something a little more… dangerous. You said it yourself, Penumbra, our existence is a threat of violence. I think I need to point it somewhere… constructive.”

“I’m going to be honest,” Penumbra said, taking the hint and suiting up, “I don’t think your mother would approve of you, say, killing Henry Kissinger.” Alyssa got the sense that Penumbra had their own feelings on the matter, but they weren’t elaborating. 

“I’m not saying I need to kill people,” she said, “but maybe I can touch the kind of people that are untouchable, make them fix the systems they think don’t affect them. And there was another thing.” She shifted a bit. “I was thinking of studying journalism, right? So, what if, as Redshift, I get into places I’m not supposed to, and use that to expose those people? Create an alter ego reporter that can make a difference. Take the fight to people at the top and know that they can’t really do much to me because, well, I’m Redshift.”

“That’s… extremely risky,” Penumbra said, crouching on the edge of the building but parallel to the ground. “As someone who promised your mom to keep you safe, I can’t ever in good conscience approve of that kind of thing.” They sighed. “As someone who’s been struggling with the same problem, though, I can’t say something similar hasn’t crossed my mind.” Alyssa cocked her head. Now she had to know more. She wasn’t the only one.

“Like how?” Amaranth asked, excitedly. 

“I’ve been planning on something of my own. A more official organization, of people with powers like ourselves. Disrupting by building systems by and for people, without a profit incentive. I’ve been thinking of inviting you, actually, to be one of the founding members, but I don’t think we can run something like that if you’re going to go full, uh…”

“Villain?” Redshift offered with a light giggle. “Yeah, I suppose not.”

“But if you do, and again, not condoning it, I’m glad I was able to show you the way. That was going to be the name, actually. LIT Inc.”

“Oh my god, that’s so…”

“Cringe?”

“Don’t say that,” Alyssa groaned. “You’re too old to say it.”

“Hehehe.”

“Why would you call it that?”

“It’s an acronym,” Penumbra said. “Lux In Tenebrae. Light in the darkness. Not for people to stare at, not to draw attention to itself, but to show people what could be possible. Nobody looks into the flashlight, they use it to light their way. That’s what we want to do.”

“Who’s we?” 

“Well, me, obviously,” they said, “we have a friend in town who doesn’t want to do the whole hero thing but who would be willing to help if the organization takes off. You actually met them way back, when we first met.”

“The person with the glowy things?” She frowned for a second. “Wasn’t there a villain who did that, like, over a year ago? Didn’t you take him down?”

“Uh, yeah,” Penumbra said. “That’s her. Ta-dah.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, it’s a little messy. Anyway, she’d be down to help. I know of someone down in Atlanta who would be a perfect fit, too, who could bankroll the entire operation if I can convince her not to destabilize the global economy first,” Penumbra said. “And Victoria, of course.”

“Wasn’t there someone in California, too?” Redshift asked. “Some kind of vigilante named Nighthunter-something.”

“No,” Max said. “We’re not working with him. That’s final. But the point is, that’s how I want to do things. Create sustainable infrastructure that focuses and benefits the vulnerable and marginalized.”

“Hmm,” Redshift said. “I mean, I might still be able to help, but I think I need to do my own thing.”

“Yeah. But honestly, I’m not the one you have to convince.”

“I know,” Alyssa said, groaning slightly as she spread her wings and beat them softly.

“Good luck,” Penumbra said as Alyssa took off to go talk to her mom. 

It was not an easy conversation. Neither of them got any sleep that night, and they talked for days. The evening before their flight back, Alyssa gathered her mom, Max, Serena and Anthony in her room. She sat cross-legged on the bed and looked at each of them individually. 

“Uh,” she said, “this is hard to say. Um. This isn’t goodbye, first of all. But I’ve made a decision.” She could see Tony’s jaw clench up, and Serena frowned suspiciously, but neither of them interrupted. “I have to use my powers to make things right. And I don’t just mean the things I did wrong. With what I can do, I want to fix things. Some of it won’t, uh, be legal. Or safe. At all. As Redshift, I’ll probably be wanted.” She wiggled a little bit, trying to get more comfortable as she explained. 

“Doing what?” Anthony asked.

“I’m going to try to expose the people who are making things worse. Stand up to them, as someone who can’t just be disappeared or silenced. I’m in a very unique position and I want to use it.”

Her mom nodded. Despite everything, all her reservations, Lauren had eventually agreed. “There are conditions,” Lauren said. “One: Alyssa never becomes associated with Redshift. Two: You come home. Regularly. We’ll talk about frequency because I know you’ll want to ‘keep us out of danger’ but if you ever try to isolate yourself from us for our protection then the US Army will be the second most dangerous thing on your radar. And three: you stay in contact with us. All of us.”

“Of course,” Alyssa said. “As Aly I’ll try to live as normal a life as possible, but I might on occasion have to travel away from Lockridge to let the heat die down. I’m not leaving anyone behind. But the last part is that, well, I’ll have to leave for a little bit when we get back.” She shuffled uncomfortably.

“What are you going to do?” Anthony asked.

“I’m going to break Arsonal out of prison.”

Chapter 38 Sitting on the roof of the conference building, Alyssa looked at the sunset. It messed with her head a bit that it wasn't actually going to fully go down. At this time of year, the sun basically just cozily hung out over the horizon for a few hours and then started to rise again. Twilight was as dark as it got. People just managed. Max sat next to her with a half liter bottle of alcohol free beer, smiling at the ocean. Alyssa hadn't seen her like this before, metaphorically letting her hair down. Her current actual haircut was a hard side-shave. Very punk. I kind of love this, Maxine said. You know, the twenty-four hour day. It's not so bright you can't get any sleep, but bright enough to feel safe? Like having the sun as your night light. She took a sip of the blue-labeled bottle. I'm sure people here feel different, though. Turning to Alyssa, she smiled. So both of them, huh? Being smirked at like that was evil. Maxine and Penny could probably see right through her. Well, in their defense, we're not exactly subtle most of the time. Hush. Never. Fine. Uh, Alyssa said. Uh, yeah. I think so, yeah. She shuffled a little. Her dress fluttered in the wind. Sure, she was wearing leggings underneath Iceland wasn't exactly warm but it was a dress all the same, and it was the most wonderful feeling. Her mom had surprised her with it when they got back. It was one of Lauren's, from back when she was the same age as Alyssa. It was a beautiful, warm red, because of course it was. There had been crying and hugging, and some very subtle adjustments made by Amaranth to make sure everything fit just right. Alyssa kicked her legs and looked at the pumps she was wearing, and blushed again. I guess I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, now? she said, and giggled. How do I even, how do I, uh Talking a lot, Max said. Communication is key. Don't leave anything up to interpretation without talking about stuff first, or feelings are going to get hurt. Well, feelings are probably going to get hurt either way, but that's gonna go a long way in mitigating it. How do you We, Penny said smugly, are both dating Victoria. O-oh! Alyssa said. I didn't even think about that! She turned her attention inward, and wondered loudly if that was something that Amaranth would be interested in. The symbiote had so far not really expressed an interest in anyone. I've thought about it. I don't know if it's my jam. Not at the moment, though. The point is, Maxine said, it's easy to lose yourself in insecurity and bad communication. The most important part of any relationship is the people in it. As long as you focus on that, you'll be fine. Well, and maybe make a group calendar because you don't want to double book two separate dates. How does that even happen when you've got a symbiote?! I'm asleep when Penny's up, sometimes, Max said, shrugging. Without a planner, you can forget to pass on your schedule. Anyway, you'll figure it out. And I'm sure Victoria will be happy to talk to you if you ever get stuck with your feelings, being the hinge of a V. The what? Well, you're dating two people who aren't dating each other, Maxine said, holding up two fingers. They come together at you. She drew the fingers to a point, drawing a V in the air. Penny and I aren't dating it would just be weird but we are both dating Victoria. If your friends ever ended up dating, then it would be a triangle. Yeah, that won't happen, I'm pretty sure Serena is exclusively a lesbian, and Anthony isn't going to stop being a guy. Uhh, Max said. Yeah. Sure. Alyssa frowned. What do you mean? I mean, he knows a lot about queer stuff, he immediately accepted you, and he hangs out with two queer people, Maxine said. Just saying. Wait, do you really think he might be like me? Alysssa asked. Amy chuckled. Max laughed and shook her head. Honestly, I don't know. There's people who say you shouldn't speculate but I needed someone to disregard what I told them and come at my gender identity with a sledgehammer. I don't get vibes from him, but I'm just one person. My advice is to just make him feel safe in expressing himself. If he turns out to be a girl, you'll have two girlfriends, which is pretty cool, and if not you'll have a boyfriend, which I'm told is also pretty cool for a girl to have. Yeahhh, Alyssa said, kicking her legs and failing again to resist the urge to giggle. Anthony was her boyfriend and that bastard acted like it. When the two of them had come back to the hotel, he had been by her side almost constantly, holding her hand and hugging her. They had taken a quick nap, and for the first time in her life, Alyssa had fallen asleep on someone's chest. She'd never felt so small and safe before. One of each sounds perfect if that's what you're into, Max said. I think. I'm sorry to say I can't relate. Oh yeah, Alyssa said. It's pretty perfect. Serena is, uh, very soft. Yeah, Max said, nodding sagely. Women. Women. Alyssa agreed and thought about Serena. She wasn't just soft. She was pretty and the way her eyes lit up with mischief when she smiled made Alyssa all gooey, and the way her heart went full drummer when Serena got all close and She sighed. Yup, Max said. They sat in silence for a while, then Max stepped off the roof. Alyssa looked over the side. Maxine walked along the side of the building, holding the bottle perfectly perpendicular to the ground. She clearly had experience. Sorry, had to stretch my legs. So, not to change the subject too much, but what's next for you, kiddo? We're going back to the Ridge in a couple of days. I don't know, Alyssa huffed and crossed her legs, leaning on her knees. Well, I'm gonna be honest, I get the distinct feeling that you kind of do but don't want to say it. But if anyone would understand, it would have to be Penumbra, right? Okay, Alyssa said, relenting. Maybe I kind of do. But I don't know if it's the right thing to do? Oh? Max said. Anything you want to talk about? She was clearly being careful, and who could blame her? She had been trying to mentor Redshift, and she hadn't exactly been extremely receptive before. But Alyssa had to put her trust in someone. I don't think I can do what you do, Max. Penumbra, I mean. I don't think being a first-responder is something I can be, she said. It doesn't feel right. I know, I know, flying and all that makes me very good at getting people out of buildings but that's not it's not enough. Not for me, I mean. Maxine nodded but let her talk. But you're also right that going after violent crime isn't right either. It is violence. It's just hurting people who were already hurt by, well, you know. She trailed off, gesturing vaguely at nothing in particular. Systems? Max offered. Yeah. So I need to do something bigger, I think. The systems are broken and if there's anything our symbiotes are good at, it's fixing things, right? Amy made a happy sound. I see what you're saying, Max said. How do you want to do that? Well, I have a few ideas, Redshift said. Amaranth had already come out. This wasn't a conversation for Alyssa to have. This was superhero nonsense. I think I'm going to have to become something a little more dangerous. You said it yourself, Penumbra, our existence is a threat of violence. I think I need to point it somewhere constructive. I'm going to be honest, Penumbra said, taking the hint and suiting up, I don't think your mother would approve of you, say, killing Henry Kissinger. Alyssa got the sense that Penumbra had their own feelings on the matter, but they weren't elaborating. I'm not saying I need to kill people, she said, but maybe I can touch the kind of people that are untouchable, make them fix the systems they think don't affect them. And there was another thing. She shifted a bit. I was thinking of studying journalism, right? So, what if, as Redshift, I get into places I'm not supposed to, and use that to expose those people? Create an alter ego reporter that can make a difference. Take the fight to people at the top and know that they can't really do much to me because, well, I'm Redshift. That's extremely risky, Penumbra said, crouching on the edge of the building but parallel to the ground. As someone who promised your mom to keep you safe, I can't ever in good conscience approve of that kind of thing. They sighed. As someone who's been struggling with the same problem, though, I can't say something similar hasn't crossed my mind. Alyssa cocked her head. Now she had to know more. She wasn't the only one. Like how? Amaranth asked, excitedly. I've been planning on something of my own. A more official organization, of people with powers like ourselves. Disrupting by building systems by and for people, without a profit incentive. I've been thinking of inviting you, actually, to be one of the founding members, but I don't think we can run something like that if you're going to go full, uh Villain? Redshift offered with a light giggle. Yeah, I suppose not. But if you do, and again, not condoning it, I'm glad I was able to show you the way. That was going to be the name, actually. LIT Inc. Oh my god, that's so Cringe? Don't say that, Alyssa groaned. You're too old to say it. Hehehe. Why would you call it that? It's an acronym, Penumbra said. Lux In Tenebrae. Light in the darkness. Not for people to stare at, not to draw attention to itself, but to show people what could be possible. Nobody looks into the flashlight, they use it to light their way. That's what we want to do. Who's we? Well, me, obviously, they said, we have a friend in town who doesn't want to do the whole hero thing but who would be willing to help if the organization takes off. You actually met them way back, when we first met. The person with the glowy things? She frowned for a second. Wasn't there a villain who did that, like, over a year ago? Didn't you take him down? Uh, yeah, Penumbra said. That's her. Ta-dah. Oh. Yeah, it's a little messy. Anyway, she'd be down to help. I know of someone down in Atlanta who would be a perfect fit, too, who could bankroll the entire operation if I can convince her not to destabilize the global economy first, Penumbra said. And Victoria, of course. Wasn't there someone in California, too? Redshift asked. Some kind of vigilante named Nighthunter-something. No, Max said. We're not working with him. That's final. But the point is, that's how I want to do things. Create sustainable infrastructure that focuses and benefits the vulnerable and marginalized. Hmm, Redshift said. I mean, I might still be able to help, but I think I need to do my own thing. Yeah. But honestly, I'm not the one you have to convince. I know, Alyssa said, groaning slightly as she spread her wings and beat them softly. Good luck, Penumbra said as Alyssa took off to go talk to her mom. It was not an easy conversation. Neither of them got any sleep that night, and they talked for days. The evening before their flight back, Alyssa gathered her mom, Max, Serena and Anthony in her room. She sat cross-legged on the bed and looked at each of them individually. Uh, she said, this is hard to say. Um. This isn't goodbye, first of all. But I've made a decision. She could see Tony's jaw clench up, and Serena frowned suspiciously, but neither of them interrupted. I have to use my powers to make things right. And I don't just mean the things I did wrong. With what I can do, I want to fix things. Some of it won't, uh, be legal. Or safe. At all. As Redshift, I'll probably be wanted. She wiggled a little bit, trying to get more comfortable as she explained. Doing what? Anthony asked. I'm going to try to expose the people who are making things worse. Stand up to them, as someone who can't just be disappeared or silenced. I'm in a very unique position and I want to use it. Her mom nodded. Despite everything, all her reservations, Lauren had eventually agreed. There are conditions, Lauren said. One: Alyssa never becomes associated with Redshift. Two: You come home. Regularly. We'll talk about frequency because I know you'll want to keep us out of danger' but if you ever try to isolate yourself from us for our protection then the US Army will be the second most dangerous thing on your radar. And three: you stay in contact with us. All of us. Of course, Alyssa said. As Aly I'll try to live as normal a life as possible, but I might on occasion have to travel away from Lockridge to let the heat die down. I'm not leaving anyone behind. But the last part is that, well, I'll have to leave for a little bit when we get back. She shuffled uncomfortably. What are you going to do? Anthony asked. I'm going to break Arsonal out of prison.