Chapter 656
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Chapter 656
It felt good to be back in the Northern Citadel.
The creaking chains, the rustling wind, and the gurgling fountains, these familiar sounds set Songs mind at ease as she idled the morning away on the swings, just as shed done every morning for the past week. It was still a novel feeling to do nothing with her time, but seeing how she couldnt move too far from Rains person, she found it difficult to maintain productivity. Sister Mila and Yan left early this morning with Kyung and Teacher Du in tow, off to visit Niece Alsantset and meditate in the bamboo grove. While Song couldnt join them on account of Rain staying in the Citadel, she wouldnt have wanted to even if given the option, as she still had more than enough Insights and Inspirations left to digest. Too much was as bad as not enough, so it would be inconsiderate to ask the Mother Above for more than she could handle.
Normally, Song would find Mister Rustram or someone else from Rains retinue to spar with to pass the morning, but due to a friendly rivalry cropping up between Rains retinue and the rapidly improving Stormguard, Mama had taken them all out with her on a training trip. The Death Corps made for poor sparring partners, because without an express order from Rain or Luo-Luo, they tended to hold back when sparring against anyone who was not another Death Corps guard. They couldnt help it, because they were compelled to do so by their Oaths, which included a caveat about not making trouble for their Master. Forcing them to commit to such a broad Oath was cruel and spiteful to the extreme, since trouble was so vague it could be interpreted as almost anything, including the trouble of feeding and housing them.New novel chapters are published on
Which only proved that no matter how bad ones life might be, things could always get worse.
Beset by a fit of melancholy, Song put her thoughts aside and aimlessly swung back and forth, going higher and higher until she had to work to stay in her seat. Letting her momentum play out, she smiled as she spotted Blackjack and the red panda perched in the boughs, creeping closer with every pass as if too shy to let her see them move. The red panda was shy at least, and Blackjack was simply playing along, happy to have made a new friend who he could bully without reprisal. Slowing her swing down to a reasonable pace, Song reached in and condensed her Aura to deliver a friendly invitation, one tinged with hints of comfortable exhilaration and harmless glee.
A wonderful thing, this advanced Aura of hers, allowing Song to convey all the emotions she didnt know how to express with words, expressions, or actions. Although people didnt always respond to this form of non-verbal and non-somatic communication in positive ways, animals were a different sort altogether, more than happy to accept her messages at face value and react appropriately. For Blackjack, this meant taking a moment to time his jump so that he landed in Songs lap at the apex of her swing, where she promptly took him in hand to ensure he didnt accidentally fly off. The red panda was more hesitant than Blackjack, but as Song slowed down, he gathered his courage and leapt off to join them, his paws all akimbo as he hurtled through the air.
Except he timed his jump perfectly as to miss Songs lap by a long shot.
Leaping off the swing, she caught the red panda as gently as she could and suppressed a giggle at his befuddled grimace. Clenching his paws against her forearm in nervous anticipation, she could see the wheels turning inside his little head, wondering if hed been tricked out of the safety of his perch, but Song deployed her Aura to full effect in order to soothe the apprehensive beasts nerves. Even then, he didnt relax until she sat back down in the swing and set the chains to creaking once more, at which point he loosened his grip enough for Song to sit him into her lap like a toddler, her arm wrapped around his belly and Blackjack at his side so both animals could wholly appreciate the wind in their fur.
A shame Princess didnt enjoy the swings as much as Blackjack and the red panda. The gently rocking couch already tested the limits of her tolerance, a couch she claimed for herself and gracefully allowed Sister-in-Law Sarnais calm and still presence beside her. The bears, wildcats, and even the rabbits were banned from joining them because the weasel-bear didnt like how they jostled the swing about, and she was quick to express her discontent whenever any of them tried to approach. Luckily, Brother Baatar was all too happy to share the second couch swing, though only Sarankho and sweet George were brave enough to join him, as Brother Baatars boots touched the veranda roof overhead with every swing.
A good thing the window there looked into an empty hallway, as opposed to Song, Yan, or Luo-Luos bedrooms, else Sister-in-Law Sarnai would have his hide even though he had access to Scrying and therefore a much easier method of peeping if he so cared to. He wasnt the type though, wholly lacking Rains roving eye, and Song feared for her privacy alongside the privacy of all women in the Empire once he mastered that trick for himself.
A joke, mostly, but not entirely. Rain always did have issues with impulse control.
No, not did. Does. Though unable to see into his bedroom window, she knew he was lying in bed with Mama Bun and Ping Ping beside him, the two dutiful animals still waiting for him to wake up. No amount of love, comfort, or acceptance expressed through Aura was enough to sway either of them from Rains side, and lately, Ping Ping had even taken to expressing disgruntled discontent whenever Song pressed the issue, though the sweet turtle always followed up her harsh rejoinders with a burst of loving Aura, just to make sure Song knew she was still loved.
Sunrise came and went as Song frittered the time away, and Brother Baatar left with it, off to surprise an on-duty unit with an impromptu inspection. Hardly the best use of his time, but after clashing with Huanhuzis pirates on the field of battle some four weeks ago, he considered the Imperial Army an outright disgrace for being less disciplined and put together than Defiled bandits. Soldiers and officers alike trembled with his passing, and while the rank and file were punished with gruelling physical training, Brother Baatar was none too shy about stripping Officers of command. Three Majors and a Lieutenant Colonel had been busted back down the ranks thus far, and judging by his grumblings delivered at the dinner table last night, todays randomly selected unit would soon have need of a new officer as well. What rank, he never said, but Song suspected hed set his sights on someone of high status, perhaps even a Colonel or Brigadier to show he truly meant business.
A good decision, most agreed, even the soldiers being punished for their mistakes. The former Officers might wail and moan, but deep down, every base soldier yearned for a leader worth following, and there was no dearth of talent within their ranks. Since abandoning the second line of defences, the Empire had seen an upsurge in new emerging Talents, with fresh-faced rookies and grizzled veterans alike finding new direction upon the Martial Path. This was in addition to the three-thousand plus Irregulars who returned as Martial Warriors, an incident which all-too-quickly blew up into heated debate. There were those who believed the storm to be a benediction and baptism from the Mother Above, while others like BoShui and MuYang insisted that it was Rains work instead, an argument which led to much confusion when carried out in conversation. Then there were those who lacked faith and believed it was all a ploy from their Legate, an obviously fake miracle meant to bolster Rains standing, as if that was enough to explain all the strange happenings in the last month.
Personally, Song was torn between the first two camps. Attributing all these miracles to Rain seemed a little far-fetched, but there were too many strange coincidences to deny it out of hand.
Upstairs, Song heard Luo-Luo sneak in to check on Rain and knew she would be out for breakfast soon. Though still a late start at eight in the morning, it was a marked improvement from the days when the Imperial Servant woke an hour before lunch, and when she finally arrived in the courtyard, Song hopped off the swings to greet her with a nod. Good morning Li-Li, Luo-Luo crooned, her voice as melodic as her zither. You really dont need to stop enjoying yourself on my account. I could always go do my morning practice elsewhere. Shaking her head, Song shooed the animals out of the way while using her Aura to assure Luo-Luo she was happy to do this and that it was no real trouble, and the Imperial Servant promptly responded by wrapping Song in a tight hug. Oh Li-Li, she said, lifting Song off her feet in surprisingly strong arms, Your stony expression hides so much love and affection, I really never would have known if you didnt have this wondrous Aura.
Cheeks heating up from the tall womans warm embrace, Song considered fighting free of the hug, but she wasnt sure if she could do so without hurting Luo-Luo. When they first met, the Imperial Servant wouldve lost a fight with Mama Bun, but now she was a Warrior in truth. Though not quite strong enough to serve as Songs sparring partner, it might not be long before Luo-Luo caught up, for she was a phenomenal talent especially with her sceptre-flail in hand. The weapon was one reason why Song was happy to clear the courtyard for Luo-Luo, because the less who saw her practice, the better. As long as they believed her a weak, frail, stand-in Legate, her foes would continue to underestimate her resolve and think her easily bullied if push came to shove, meaning they would be in for a rude awakening when they finally opted to try.
Still carrying Blackjack and the red panda, Song scooped up Tawny One before joining Princess and Sister-in-Law Sarnai on the couch. The older woman was lost in her thoughts, but still remembered to welcome Song with a smile, to which she responded with an outpouring of supportive Aura. Thank you, dear heart, Sarnai said, wrapping Song in a one armed hug. Upset she was being left out, Princess carefully laid herself across Sarnais lap and rested her chin on Songs thighs, eliciting a low chuckle from the older woman. Truly a marvellous wonder, she murmured, resting her cheek atop Songs head as they all snuggled together and watched Luo-Luo Demonstrate the Forms, which was what she thought Sarnai was alluding to until she continued, Humour an old fool once more and tell me how your Aura works?
Though merely a polite request, the way Sarnai worded the question made it almost sound like a demand, and Song had to fight down a surge of momentary anxiety as she tried to obey on reflex. It was times like this when she missed Rain the most, because he always carefully chose his words whenever she was involved, a habit shed only just come to appreciate now that everyone else was forgetting to do the same. Still, it wasnt much, as most of the problem was inside Songs head, and she happily answered Sarnais query. I am not sure how it works, she began, just to make clear that she was not replying with the objective truth, but rather how she perceived it. A minor distinction, but shed seen slaves die for less. I simply tap into whatever emotion I am currently feeling, and kindle my Aura from there, as if lighting a candle from a burning flame, or drawing water from a bubbling wellspring.
Or filling your Aura with the wind of emotion, and packing it tight with soil of the same. Smiling as she patted Songs arm, Sarnai said, I see you have been hard at work coming up with better explanations. Such a sweet, dutiful girl you are.
Songs cheeks coloured once more, no longer able to hide her emotions as easily as before, the one downside to being more in tune with them. Yet another unexplained miracle from that incredible battle, one of too many to name. Not for the first time, Songs eyes went to Rains bedroom window, and she idly wondered if he had anything to do with her improved Aura, or with the elevation of Irregulars into tried and true Martial Warriors, or the widespread Insights regarding Panacea based Healing so many different individuals had received since then. The world of Martial Warriors was experiencing an unprecedented upheaval, with miracles occurring almost each passing day and common knowledge being challenged at every turn. Add to this the internal strife caused by Rains absence, the Defiled departure from the battlefield, the growing dissatisfaction with the luxury tax, the crumbling divide between nobles and commoners brought about by Rains burgeoning middle-class, and a thousand other factors, led Song to believe a great trial and tribulation was waiting ahead.
The Mother never gave Her children more than they could bear, but given how She directly acted to increase the strength of humanity as a whole, this meant that the coming calamity might well be a challenge on a scale theyd never before seen.
Somehow sensing Songs trepidation, Sarnai soothed her nerves with little more than a pat on the arm, the most she could do while they were already huddled in a warm embrace. No, it wasnt just her presence, but another sensation as well, something telling Song that she had strength enough to bear whatever may come, but she knew not the source of this reassurance. Again, her eyes were drawn towards Rains bedroom window, somehow suspecting it was his reassurance she was feeling.
Because... it simply felt like something he would say, exactly how he would say it. No need to worry about it, she could almost hear him saying, shrugging as he added, Itll all work out. And all the while, hed be inwardly fretting about the exact same problem, as well as a thousand others Song wouldve never even considered, one or more of which might well inevitably crop up. Was he somehow communicating with her despite his coma? It would explain Mama Buns insistence on trying to wake him, since she never bothered him like that the last time he lapsed into a coma, immediately after Ping Pings ascension to Divinity. Perhaps the sweet bunny knew something the rest of them didnt, that Rain was aware of the world around him and somehow responding to it.
...
How ridiculous. Song had read one too many of BoShuis flowery sermons on the glory of Falling Rain.
It is not ridiculous. Somehow reading Songs thoughts, Sarnai smiled and shook her head. You are not as difficult to read as I once believed. Turning her gaze towards Rains window, Sarnai repeated, It is not ridiculous. I too feel his presence around us, so inspiring, yet wholly lacking in enthusiasm and good cheer. I believe he is in there, locked away and sulking in his dreams, but still somehow aware of what is happening around him. If anyone would know, it would be Sarnai, seeing how she recently spent six months in a coma, but Song was still not wholly convinced. Seeing this, the older woman smiled and said, It does not matter if you harbour doubts, for my faith will not waver. He is in there and he needs our support. When you have time, speak with him a bit. Tell him about things the animals have done, or your concerns regarding the Martial Path, or anything at all really. That is all I ask.
Again, it took Song an effort of will to remind herself that this was not an order, nor was she compelled to obey if it was. Picking up on her discomfort, Sarnai raised an eyebrow in question, but Song shook her head and sank back into the kind womans embrace to watch Luo-Luo Demonstrate the Forms and twirl her chain about in dizzying, hypnotic patterns. While Sister Mila and Sister Tursinai fought with similar weapons, they stuck to whirling their chains in simple arcs, tracing a large, circular pattern typically from overhead. In contrast, Luo-Luos chain was shorter in length, but the Imperial Servant made it come to life in her hands, its movements reminiscent of a flying serpent. Back and forth it wiggled in an undulating pattern, seemingly slithering in place before darting forward to strike without warning, all done with a gentle flick of her wrist that betrayed no intention. Her recovery was sublime as well, the snakes head rearing back before whipping around again, this time in a horizontal sweep instead of a darting snap, and so long as she had strength enough behind the attack, Luo-Luo could clear a dozen Defiled away with this seemingly careless attack. That was the greatest danger she presented, for Luo-Luos Demonstration looked elegant and harmless until it didnt, only to revert back into a calm and delicate dance.
This is where I belong.
Here, alone with the nothingness.
Time passes. A minute, an hour, a day, I don't know how long.
My nerves tingle, from my scalp down to my toes.
The pores on my skin open.
A warm refreshing breeze moves through me.
It settles in my stomach, a soothing feeling.
One which sets my anxiety to spiking.
Heavenly Energy. This is Heavenly Energy, settling not in my Core which sits shattered and emptied, but my physical body itself. In my distress, I find myself unable to cut off the flow, because Ive already severed all connection to my physical form, or so I thought. No, I did sever those ties, but the Heavenly Energy is rebuilding them, and in my current, quasi-dormant state, I lack the power to sever them once again. The Heavenly Energy seeps into me, and I can do nothing but watch its progress and mourn my failure, until it occurs to me to check the phone. Theres nothing there to explain whats happening aside from the presence of a few old friends, and Im left with no choice but to turn on the computer and don the headset once more to try and figure a way out of this mess.
The long wait torments me with its agonizing lethargy, the PC slow to boot up because I made it so. Its part of the call centre package, where dreams go to die, and as cute as it mightve been to make this an authentic experience, its really biting me in the ass now.
Fucking hell. I spent all that time divesting myself of emotion, memory, and personality, yet now its all back again in spades.
The monitor flickers on, and my renewed limited omniscience tells me I was not as successful as I believed, because once again, my powers of denial and self-delusion carried me far. I only thought I was making progress towards oblivion, but Im no further than when I first started, all on account of my constantly buzzing phone. I got to pretend like I was only taking the most important messages, but instead, I was barely filtering anything out besides Ping Pings Loving Aura. The poor girl is beside herself with grief, but at least shes not so far gone as to succumb to weakness, and is even having herself a fun little swim at this very moment. The Spectres of her mind are not what I originally thought, and in fact might be more beneficial than harmful, but only because she is such a pure and kindhearted creature. No wonder Pong Pongs Natal Palace was devoid of life, because any Spectres he created would be tainted by his own experiences, fruit of the poisoned tree as it were. Same with me, which is why I unconsciously found all my Natal Palace villagers creepy and unsettling, though thankfully I eventually got rid of them all.
Well... all except one, one I clung onto until it was almost too late. Mahakala saved me in more ways than one, and I am only now just realizing it.
While part of me struggles with this newfound truth, another part assesses my current dilemma, and all becomes clear. Rather than my manor bedroom, I am now in the bathroom, but not in the marble bath chiselled into the ground. Instead, I sit nestled in the portable stone tub which I came to enjoy so much, but it is not water which I seep in, or at least not water alone. A medicinal bath has been brewed for me, done so using a formula put together by Taduk and Li TieGuai, with help from Taiyi ZhuShen, Taokang Geyan, and Lishan Suzhen, the three Healers I made connections with way back in Sinuji. It feels like a lifetime ago, but was in fact less than a year, yet so much has happened in the time since. All of them are present here and now, on standby to ensure nothing goes wrong and that their expertise is available should it be needed. Mom has Mama Bun in hand, while Tokta is also here, alongside an army of junior Healers from all walks of life, packed into my massive bathroom and inspecting my naked form with enough focus to make a life-long nudist blush.
Slow and steady, Li TieGuai says, cautioning his Mentor whos doing the stirring. Despite his many failures, Taiyi ZhuShen is still the most experienced man in the room when it comes to making medicinal baths, so everyone involved thought it best to leave this to him. Rather than one, long bath to refine the body, it is safer to use a succession of shorter baths instead.
Yes, absolutely, ZhuShen replies, proud as a peacock of his brilliant Disciple and more than happy to take orders, sprinkling in some sort of powder from a measuring spoon while stirring the heated water thoroughly. I dont know why I didnt see it before. Haste makes waste, as they say, haste makes waste.
Careful! TieGuai leans forward on his crutches while his Junior Brothers, Tao Zi and PingGuo, help support his weight, their injuries long Healed and pride restored. Word of their exploits have spread far and wide, and no longer are they referred to as failures to their faces, though behind closed doors, many still call them freaks and abominations. That doesnt matter though, because all they care about is their Mentors reputation, one which has now been restored thanks to their heroics, heroics they feel they could not have accomplished without my help. For this and more, this Master and Disciple quartet have committed everything to helping my recovery, even browbeating the other strangers in the room to swear an Oath to keep it all a secret. The medicine must penetrate down to his blood vessels, but not so far as to reach his bones. Too much too quickly could hurt more than help, because we must build up his foundation in order to support his finished, refined body.
Of course, of course, my mistake. Not really. ZhuShen judged my limits correctly and TieGuai is just being overly cautious, but thats fine because this means more time for me to think. What do I do? Whisper lies into their ears to get them to stop? No, I cant do that, because then Id be no different from Zhen Shi. The truth wont work either, because I cant bear to admit my weakness to the people who love me most, and Im not sure it would even sway Mom. Shed probably bring me back to life kicking and screaming all the way, then lecture me about how Im being selfish for wanting to leave them all behind. Which is what Im doing, but I can only bear to do it because Im not sure how real any of this is. I do know that if my body is refined as expected, the leftover Heavenly Energy will reshape and reform my Core, and then Ill no longer be able to isolate myself from my perceptions. Ill have no choice but to wake, because my body will force consciousness upon me once my bladder fills and my instincts kick in.
My Path to Oblivion will be defeated by my need to piss. What. The actual. Fuck?
Worst of all? I was the one who planted the idea in TieGuais mind, so did I sow the seeds of my own defeat? Or did Zhen Shi hear what I told TieGuai, and is using it to force me back to the waking world and face the pain and suffering which awaits me? Frozen with indecision, I sit at the monitor and stare at the proceedings, wondering what I am supposed to do next. I still have some weeks before the medicinal baths show results, but thats nothing. The clock is ticking, and even with all the information in the world, I have no idea what I can do to stop my inevitable return to reality.
I cant do this. Im not ready. I need more time.
Please.
Help me.
Someone.
Anyone.
...
And as always, my prayers go unanswered, which means if I want to stay here in the void, then Ill have to make it happen myself.
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Chapter 656
It felt good to be back in the Northern Citadel.
The creaking chains, the rustling wind, and the gurgling fountains, these familiar sounds set Songs mind at ease as she idled the morning away on the swings, just as shed done every morning for the past week. It was still a novel feeling to do nothing with her time, but seeing how she couldnt move too far from Rains person, she found it difficult to maintain productivity. Sister Mila and Yan left early this morning with Kyung and Teacher Du in tow, off to visit Niece Alsantset and meditate in the bamboo grove. While Song couldnt join them on account of Rain staying in the Citadel, she wouldnt have wanted to even if given the option, as she still had more than enough Insights and Inspirations left to digest. Too much was as bad as not enough, so it would be inconsiderate to ask the Mother Above for more than she could handle.
Normally, Song would find Mister Rustram or someone else from Rains retinue to spar with to pass the morning, but due to a friendly rivalry cropping up between Rains retinue and the rapidly improving Stormguard, Mama had taken them all out with her on a training trip. The Death Corps made for poor sparring partners, because without an express order from Rain or Luo-Luo, they tended to hold back when sparring against anyone who was not another Death Corps guard. They couldnt help it, because they were compelled to do so by their Oaths, which included a caveat about not making trouble for their Master. Forcing them to commit to such a broad Oath was cruel and spiteful to the extreme, since trouble was so vague it could be interpreted as almost anything, including the trouble of feeding and housing them.New novel chapters are published on
Which only proved that no matter how bad ones life might be, things could always get worse.
Beset by a fit of melancholy, Song put her thoughts aside and aimlessly swung back and forth, going higher and higher until she had to work to stay in her seat. Letting her momentum play out, she smiled as she spotted Blackjack and the red panda perched in the boughs, creeping closer with every pass as if too shy to let her see them move. The red panda was shy at least, and Blackjack was simply playing along, happy to have made a new friend who he could bully without reprisal. Slowing her swing down to a reasonable pace, Song reached in and condensed her Aura to deliver a friendly invitation, one tinged with hints of comfortable exhilaration and harmless glee.
A wonderful thing, this advanced Aura of hers, allowing Song to convey all the emotions she didnt know how to express with words, expressions, or actions. Although people didnt always respond to this form of non-verbal and non-somatic communication in positive ways, animals were a different sort altogether, more than happy to accept her messages at face value and react appropriately. For Blackjack, this meant taking a moment to time his jump so that he landed in Songs lap at the apex of her swing, where she promptly took him in hand to ensure he didnt accidentally fly off. The red panda was more hesitant than Blackjack, but as Song slowed down, he gathered his courage and leapt off to join them, his paws all akimbo as he hurtled through the air.
Except he timed his jump perfectly as to miss Songs lap by a long shot.
Leaping off the swing, she caught the red panda as gently as she could and suppressed a giggle at his befuddled grimace. Clenching his paws against her forearm in nervous anticipation, she could see the wheels turning inside his little head, wondering if hed been tricked out of the safety of his perch, but Song deployed her Aura to full effect in order to soothe the apprehensive beasts nerves. Even then, he didnt relax until she sat back down in the swing and set the chains to creaking once more, at which point he loosened his grip enough for Song to sit him into her lap like a toddler, her arm wrapped around his belly and Blackjack at his side so both animals could wholly appreciate the wind in their fur.
A shame Princess didnt enjoy the swings as much as Blackjack and the red panda. The gently rocking couch already tested the limits of her tolerance, a couch she claimed for herself and gracefully allowed Sister-in-Law Sarnais calm and still presence beside her. The bears, wildcats, and even the rabbits were banned from joining them because the weasel-bear didnt like how they jostled the swing about, and she was quick to express her discontent whenever any of them tried to approach. Luckily, Brother Baatar was all too happy to share the second couch swing, though only Sarankho and sweet George were brave enough to join him, as Brother Baatars boots touched the veranda roof overhead with every swing.
A good thing the window there looked into an empty hallway, as opposed to Song, Yan, or Luo-Luos bedrooms, else Sister-in-Law Sarnai would have his hide even though he had access to Scrying and therefore a much easier method of peeping if he so cared to. He wasnt the type though, wholly lacking Rains roving eye, and Song feared for her privacy alongside the privacy of all women in the Empire once he mastered that trick for himself.
A joke, mostly, but not entirely. Rain always did have issues with impulse control.
No, not did. Does. Though unable to see into his bedroom window, she knew he was lying in bed with Mama Bun and Ping Ping beside him, the two dutiful animals still waiting for him to wake up. No amount of love, comfort, or acceptance expressed through Aura was enough to sway either of them from Rains side, and lately, Ping Ping had even taken to expressing disgruntled discontent whenever Song pressed the issue, though the sweet turtle always followed up her harsh rejoinders with a burst of loving Aura, just to make sure Song knew she was still loved.
Sunrise came and went as Song frittered the time away, and Brother Baatar left with it, off to surprise an on-duty unit with an impromptu inspection. Hardly the best use of his time, but after clashing with Huanhuzis pirates on the field of battle some four weeks ago, he considered the Imperial Army an outright disgrace for being less disciplined and put together than Defiled bandits. Soldiers and officers alike trembled with his passing, and while the rank and file were punished with gruelling physical training, Brother Baatar was none too shy about stripping Officers of command. Three Majors and a Lieutenant Colonel had been busted back down the ranks thus far, and judging by his grumblings delivered at the dinner table last night, todays randomly selected unit would soon have need of a new officer as well. What rank, he never said, but Song suspected hed set his sights on someone of high status, perhaps even a Colonel or Brigadier to show he truly meant business.
A good decision, most agreed, even the soldiers being punished for their mistakes. The former Officers might wail and moan, but deep down, every base soldier yearned for a leader worth following, and there was no dearth of talent within their ranks. Since abandoning the second line of defences, the Empire had seen an upsurge in new emerging Talents, with fresh-faced rookies and grizzled veterans alike finding new direction upon the Martial Path. This was in addition to the three-thousand plus Irregulars who returned as Martial Warriors, an incident which all-too-quickly blew up into heated debate. There were those who believed the storm to be a benediction and baptism from the Mother Above, while others like BoShui and MuYang insisted that it was Rains work instead, an argument which led to much confusion when carried out in conversation. Then there were those who lacked faith and believed it was all a ploy from their Legate, an obviously fake miracle meant to bolster Rains standing, as if that was enough to explain all the strange happenings in the last month.
Personally, Song was torn between the first two camps. Attributing all these miracles to Rain seemed a little far-fetched, but there were too many strange coincidences to deny it out of hand.
Upstairs, Song heard Luo-Luo sneak in to check on Rain and knew she would be out for breakfast soon. Though still a late start at eight in the morning, it was a marked improvement from the days when the Imperial Servant woke an hour before lunch, and when she finally arrived in the courtyard, Song hopped off the swings to greet her with a nod. Good morning Li-Li, Luo-Luo crooned, her voice as melodic as her zither. You really dont need to stop enjoying yourself on my account. I could always go do my morning practice elsewhere. Shaking her head, Song shooed the animals out of the way while using her Aura to assure Luo-Luo she was happy to do this and that it was no real trouble, and the Imperial Servant promptly responded by wrapping Song in a tight hug. Oh Li-Li, she said, lifting Song off her feet in surprisingly strong arms, Your stony expression hides so much love and affection, I really never would have known if you didnt have this wondrous Aura.
Cheeks heating up from the tall womans warm embrace, Song considered fighting free of the hug, but she wasnt sure if she could do so without hurting Luo-Luo. When they first met, the Imperial Servant wouldve lost a fight with Mama Bun, but now she was a Warrior in truth. Though not quite strong enough to serve as Songs sparring partner, it might not be long before Luo-Luo caught up, for she was a phenomenal talent especially with her sceptre-flail in hand. The weapon was one reason why Song was happy to clear the courtyard for Luo-Luo, because the less who saw her practice, the better. As long as they believed her a weak, frail, stand-in Legate, her foes would continue to underestimate her resolve and think her easily bullied if push came to shove, meaning they would be in for a rude awakening when they finally opted to try.
Still carrying Blackjack and the red panda, Song scooped up Tawny One before joining Princess and Sister-in-Law Sarnai on the couch. The older woman was lost in her thoughts, but still remembered to welcome Song with a smile, to which she responded with an outpouring of supportive Aura. Thank you, dear heart, Sarnai said, wrapping Song in a one armed hug. Upset she was being left out, Princess carefully laid herself across Sarnais lap and rested her chin on Songs thighs, eliciting a low chuckle from the older woman. Truly a marvellous wonder, she murmured, resting her cheek atop Songs head as they all snuggled together and watched Luo-Luo Demonstrate the Forms, which was what she thought Sarnai was alluding to until she continued, Humour an old fool once more and tell me how your Aura works?
Though merely a polite request, the way Sarnai worded the question made it almost sound like a demand, and Song had to fight down a surge of momentary anxiety as she tried to obey on reflex. It was times like this when she missed Rain the most, because he always carefully chose his words whenever she was involved, a habit shed only just come to appreciate now that everyone else was forgetting to do the same. Still, it wasnt much, as most of the problem was inside Songs head, and she happily answered Sarnais query. I am not sure how it works, she began, just to make clear that she was not replying with the objective truth, but rather how she perceived it. A minor distinction, but shed seen slaves die for less. I simply tap into whatever emotion I am currently feeling, and kindle my Aura from there, as if lighting a candle from a burning flame, or drawing water from a bubbling wellspring.
Or filling your Aura with the wind of emotion, and packing it tight with soil of the same. Smiling as she patted Songs arm, Sarnai said, I see you have been hard at work coming up with better explanations. Such a sweet, dutiful girl you are.
Songs cheeks coloured once more, no longer able to hide her emotions as easily as before, the one downside to being more in tune with them. Yet another unexplained miracle from that incredible battle, one of too many to name. Not for the first time, Songs eyes went to Rains bedroom window, and she idly wondered if he had anything to do with her improved Aura, or with the elevation of Irregulars into tried and true Martial Warriors, or the widespread Insights regarding Panacea based Healing so many different individuals had received since then. The world of Martial Warriors was experiencing an unprecedented upheaval, with miracles occurring almost each passing day and common knowledge being challenged at every turn. Add to this the internal strife caused by Rains absence, the Defiled departure from the battlefield, the growing dissatisfaction with the luxury tax, the crumbling divide between nobles and commoners brought about by Rains burgeoning middle-class, and a thousand other factors, led Song to believe a great trial and tribulation was waiting ahead.
The Mother never gave Her children more than they could bear, but given how She directly acted to increase the strength of humanity as a whole, this meant that the coming calamity might well be a challenge on a scale theyd never before seen.
Somehow sensing Songs trepidation, Sarnai soothed her nerves with little more than a pat on the arm, the most she could do while they were already huddled in a warm embrace. No, it wasnt just her presence, but another sensation as well, something telling Song that she had strength enough to bear whatever may come, but she knew not the source of this reassurance. Again, her eyes were drawn towards Rains bedroom window, somehow suspecting it was his reassurance she was feeling.
Because... it simply felt like something he would say, exactly how he would say it. No need to worry about it, she could almost hear him saying, shrugging as he added, Itll all work out. And all the while, hed be inwardly fretting about the exact same problem, as well as a thousand others Song wouldve never even considered, one or more of which might well inevitably crop up. Was he somehow communicating with her despite his coma? It would explain Mama Buns insistence on trying to wake him, since she never bothered him like that the last time he lapsed into a coma, immediately after Ping Pings ascension to Divinity. Perhaps the sweet bunny knew something the rest of them didnt, that Rain was aware of the world around him and somehow responding to it.
...
How ridiculous. Song had read one too many of BoShuis flowery sermons on the glory of Falling Rain.
It is not ridiculous. Somehow reading Songs thoughts, Sarnai smiled and shook her head. You are not as difficult to read as I once believed. Turning her gaze towards Rains window, Sarnai repeated, It is not ridiculous. I too feel his presence around us, so inspiring, yet wholly lacking in enthusiasm and good cheer. I believe he is in there, locked away and sulking in his dreams, but still somehow aware of what is happening around him. If anyone would know, it would be Sarnai, seeing how she recently spent six months in a coma, but Song was still not wholly convinced. Seeing this, the older woman smiled and said, It does not matter if you harbour doubts, for my faith will not waver. He is in there and he needs our support. When you have time, speak with him a bit. Tell him about things the animals have done, or your concerns regarding the Martial Path, or anything at all really. That is all I ask.
Again, it took Song an effort of will to remind herself that this was not an order, nor was she compelled to obey if it was. Picking up on her discomfort, Sarnai raised an eyebrow in question, but Song shook her head and sank back into the kind womans embrace to watch Luo-Luo Demonstrate the Forms and twirl her chain about in dizzying, hypnotic patterns. While Sister Mila and Sister Tursinai fought with similar weapons, they stuck to whirling their chains in simple arcs, tracing a large, circular pattern typically from overhead. In contrast, Luo-Luos chain was shorter in length, but the Imperial Servant made it come to life in her hands, its movements reminiscent of a flying serpent. Back and forth it wiggled in an undulating pattern, seemingly slithering in place before darting forward to strike without warning, all done with a gentle flick of her wrist that betrayed no intention. Her recovery was sublime as well, the snakes head rearing back before whipping around again, this time in a horizontal sweep instead of a darting snap, and so long as she had strength enough behind the attack, Luo-Luo could clear a dozen Defiled away with this seemingly careless attack. That was the greatest danger she presented, for Luo-Luos Demonstration looked elegant and harmless until it didnt, only to revert back into a calm and delicate dance.
This is where I belong.
Here, alone with the nothingness.
Time passes. A minute, an hour, a day, I don't know how long.
My nerves tingle, from my scalp down to my toes.
The pores on my skin open.
A warm refreshing breeze moves through me.
It settles in my stomach, a soothing feeling.
One which sets my anxiety to spiking.
Heavenly Energy. This is Heavenly Energy, settling not in my Core which sits shattered and emptied, but my physical body itself. In my distress, I find myself unable to cut off the flow, because Ive already severed all connection to my physical form, or so I thought. No, I did sever those ties, but the Heavenly Energy is rebuilding them, and in my current, quasi-dormant state, I lack the power to sever them once again. The Heavenly Energy seeps into me, and I can do nothing but watch its progress and mourn my failure, until it occurs to me to check the phone. Theres nothing there to explain whats happening aside from the presence of a few old friends, and Im left with no choice but to turn on the computer and don the headset once more to try and figure a way out of this mess.
The long wait torments me with its agonizing lethargy, the PC slow to boot up because I made it so. Its part of the call centre package, where dreams go to die, and as cute as it mightve been to make this an authentic experience, its really biting me in the ass now.
Fucking hell. I spent all that time divesting myself of emotion, memory, and personality, yet now its all back again in spades.
The monitor flickers on, and my renewed limited omniscience tells me I was not as successful as I believed, because once again, my powers of denial and self-delusion carried me far. I only thought I was making progress towards oblivion, but Im no further than when I first started, all on account of my constantly buzzing phone. I got to pretend like I was only taking the most important messages, but instead, I was barely filtering anything out besides Ping Pings Loving Aura. The poor girl is beside herself with grief, but at least shes not so far gone as to succumb to weakness, and is even having herself a fun little swim at this very moment. The Spectres of her mind are not what I originally thought, and in fact might be more beneficial than harmful, but only because she is such a pure and kindhearted creature. No wonder Pong Pongs Natal Palace was devoid of life, because any Spectres he created would be tainted by his own experiences, fruit of the poisoned tree as it were. Same with me, which is why I unconsciously found all my Natal Palace villagers creepy and unsettling, though thankfully I eventually got rid of them all.
Well... all except one, one I clung onto until it was almost too late. Mahakala saved me in more ways than one, and I am only now just realizing it.
While part of me struggles with this newfound truth, another part assesses my current dilemma, and all becomes clear. Rather than my manor bedroom, I am now in the bathroom, but not in the marble bath chiselled into the ground. Instead, I sit nestled in the portable stone tub which I came to enjoy so much, but it is not water which I seep in, or at least not water alone. A medicinal bath has been brewed for me, done so using a formula put together by Taduk and Li TieGuai, with help from Taiyi ZhuShen, Taokang Geyan, and Lishan Suzhen, the three Healers I made connections with way back in Sinuji. It feels like a lifetime ago, but was in fact less than a year, yet so much has happened in the time since. All of them are present here and now, on standby to ensure nothing goes wrong and that their expertise is available should it be needed. Mom has Mama Bun in hand, while Tokta is also here, alongside an army of junior Healers from all walks of life, packed into my massive bathroom and inspecting my naked form with enough focus to make a life-long nudist blush.
Slow and steady, Li TieGuai says, cautioning his Mentor whos doing the stirring. Despite his many failures, Taiyi ZhuShen is still the most experienced man in the room when it comes to making medicinal baths, so everyone involved thought it best to leave this to him. Rather than one, long bath to refine the body, it is safer to use a succession of shorter baths instead.
Yes, absolutely, ZhuShen replies, proud as a peacock of his brilliant Disciple and more than happy to take orders, sprinkling in some sort of powder from a measuring spoon while stirring the heated water thoroughly. I dont know why I didnt see it before. Haste makes waste, as they say, haste makes waste.
Careful! TieGuai leans forward on his crutches while his Junior Brothers, Tao Zi and PingGuo, help support his weight, their injuries long Healed and pride restored. Word of their exploits have spread far and wide, and no longer are they referred to as failures to their faces, though behind closed doors, many still call them freaks and abominations. That doesnt matter though, because all they care about is their Mentors reputation, one which has now been restored thanks to their heroics, heroics they feel they could not have accomplished without my help. For this and more, this Master and Disciple quartet have committed everything to helping my recovery, even browbeating the other strangers in the room to swear an Oath to keep it all a secret. The medicine must penetrate down to his blood vessels, but not so far as to reach his bones. Too much too quickly could hurt more than help, because we must build up his foundation in order to support his finished, refined body.
Of course, of course, my mistake. Not really. ZhuShen judged my limits correctly and TieGuai is just being overly cautious, but thats fine because this means more time for me to think. What do I do? Whisper lies into their ears to get them to stop? No, I cant do that, because then Id be no different from Zhen Shi. The truth wont work either, because I cant bear to admit my weakness to the people who love me most, and Im not sure it would even sway Mom. Shed probably bring me back to life kicking and screaming all the way, then lecture me about how Im being selfish for wanting to leave them all behind. Which is what Im doing, but I can only bear to do it because Im not sure how real any of this is. I do know that if my body is refined as expected, the leftover Heavenly Energy will reshape and reform my Core, and then Ill no longer be able to isolate myself from my perceptions. Ill have no choice but to wake, because my body will force consciousness upon me once my bladder fills and my instincts kick in.
My Path to Oblivion will be defeated by my need to piss. What. The actual. Fuck?
Worst of all? I was the one who planted the idea in TieGuais mind, so did I sow the seeds of my own defeat? Or did Zhen Shi hear what I told TieGuai, and is using it to force me back to the waking world and face the pain and suffering which awaits me? Frozen with indecision, I sit at the monitor and stare at the proceedings, wondering what I am supposed to do next. I still have some weeks before the medicinal baths show results, but thats nothing. The clock is ticking, and even with all the information in the world, I have no idea what I can do to stop my inevitable return to reality.
I cant do this. Im not ready. I need more time.
Please.
Help me.
Someone.
Anyone.
...
And as always, my prayers go unanswered, which means if I want to stay here in the void, then Ill have to make it happen myself.
Chapter Meme
Chapter 656It felt good to be back in the Northern Citadel.The creaking chains, the rustling wind, and the gurgling fountains, these familiar sounds set Songs mind at ease as she idled the morning away on the swings, just as shed done every morning for the past week. It was still a novel feeling to do nothing with her time, but seeing how she couldnt move too far from Rains person, she found it difficult to maintain productivity. Sister Mila and Yan left early this morning with Kyung and Teacher Du in tow, off to visit Niece Alsantset and meditate in the bamboo grove. While Song couldnt join them on account of Rain staying in the Citadel, she wouldnt have wanted to even if given the option, as she still had more than enough Insights and Inspirations left to digest. Too much was as bad as not enough, so it would be inconsiderate to ask the Mother Above for more than she could handle.Normally, Song would find Mister Rustram or someone else from Rains retinue to spar with to pass the morning, but due to a friendly rivalry cropping up between Rains retinue and the rapidly improving Stormguard, Mama had taken them all out with her on a training trip. The Death Corps made for poor sparring partners, because without an express order from Rain or Luo-Luo, they tended to hold back when sparring against anyone who was not another Death Corps guard. They couldnt help it, because they were compelled to do so by their Oaths, which included a caveat about not making trouble for their Master. Forcing them to commit to such a broad Oath was cruel and spiteful to the extreme, since trouble was so vague it could be interpreted as almost anything, including the trouble of feeding and housing them.New novel chapters are published onWhich only proved that no matter how bad ones life might be, things could always get worse.Beset by a fit of melancholy, Song put her thoughts aside and aimlessly swung back and forth, going higher and higher until she had to work to stay in her seat. Letting her momentum play out, she smiled as she spotted Blackjack and the red panda perched in the boughs, creeping closer with every pass as if too shy to let her see them move. The red panda was shy at least, and Blackjack was simply playing along, happy to have made a new friend who he could bully without reprisal. Slowing her swing down to a reasonable pace, Song reached in and condensed her Aura to deliver a friendly invitation, one tinged with hints of comfortable exhilaration and harmless glee.A wonderful thing, this advanced Aura of hers, allowing Song to convey all the emotions she didnt know how to express with words, expressions, or actions. Although people didnt always respond to this form of non-verbal and non-somatic communication in positive ways, animals were a different sort altogether, more than happy to accept her messages at face value and react appropriately. For Blackjack, this meant taking a moment to time his jump so that he landed in Songs lap at the apex of her swing, where she promptly took him in hand to ensure he didnt accidentally fly off. The red panda was more hesitant than Blackjack, but as Song slowed down, he gathered his courage and leapt off to join them, his paws all akimbo as he hurtled through the air.Except he timed his jump perfectly as to miss Songs lap by a long shot.Leaping off the swing, she caught the red panda as gently as she could and suppressed a giggle at his befuddled grimace. Clenching his paws against her forearm in nervous anticipation, she could see the wheels turning inside his little head, wondering if hed been tricked out of the safety of his perch, but Song deployed her Aura to full effect in order to soothe the apprehensive beasts nerves. Even then, he didnt relax until she sat back down in the swing and set the chains to creaking once more, at which point he loosened his grip enough for Song to sit him into her lap like a toddler, her arm wrapped around his belly and Blackjack at his side so both animals could wholly appreciate the wind in their fur.A shame Princess didnt enjoy the swings as much as Blackjack and the red panda. The gently rocking couch already tested the limits of her tolerance, a couch she claimed for herself and gracefully allowed Sister-in-Law Sarnais calm and still presence beside her. The bears, wildcats, and even the rabbits were banned from joining them because the weasel-bear didnt like how they jostled the swing about, and she was quick to express her discontent whenever any of them tried to approach. Luckily, Brother Baatar was all too happy to share the second couch swing, though only Sarankho and sweet George were brave enough to join him, as Brother Baatars boots touched the veranda roof overhead with every swing.A good thing the window there looked into an empty hallway, as opposed to Song, Yan, or Luo-Luos bedrooms, else Sister-in-Law Sarnai would have his hide even though he had access to Scrying and therefore a much easier method of peeping if he so cared to. He wasnt the type though, wholly lacking Rains roving eye, and Song feared for her privacy alongside the privacy of all women in the Empire once he mastered that trick for himself.A joke, mostly, but not entirely. Rain always did have issues with impulse control.No, not did. Does. Though unable to see into his bedroom window, she knew he was lying in bed with Mama Bun and Ping Ping beside him, the two dutiful animals still waiting for him to wake up. No amount of love, comfort, or acceptance expressed through Aura was enough to sway either of them from Rains side, and lately, Ping Ping had even taken to expressing disgruntled discontent whenever Song pressed the issue, though the sweet turtle always followed up her harsh rejoinders with a burst of loving Aura, just to make sure Song knew she was still loved.Sunrise came and went as Song frittered the time away, and Brother Baatar left with it, off to surprise an on-duty unit with an impromptu inspection. Hardly the best use of his time, but after clashing with Huanhuzis pirates on the field of battle some four weeks ago, he considered the Imperial Army an outright disgrace for being less disciplined and put together than Defiled bandits. Soldiers and officers alike trembled with his passing, and while the rank and file were punished with gruelling physical training, Brother Baatar was none too shy about stripping Officers of command. Three Majors and a Lieutenant Colonel had been busted back down the ranks thus far, and judging by his grumblings delivered at the dinner table last night, todays randomly selected unit would soon have need of a new officer as well. What rank, he never said, but Song suspected hed set his sights on someone of high status, perhaps even a Colonel or Brigadier to show he truly meant business.A good decision, most agreed, even the soldiers being punished for their mistakes. The former Officers might wail and moan, but deep down, every base soldier yearned for a leader worth following, and there was no dearth of talent within their ranks. Since abandoning the second line of defences, the Empire had seen an upsurge in new emerging Talents, with fresh-faced rookies and grizzled veterans alike finding new direction upon the Martial Path. This was in addition to the three-thousand plus Irregulars who returned as Martial Warriors, an incident which all-too-quickly blew up into heated debate. There were those who believed the storm to be a benediction and baptism from the Mother Above, while others like BoShui and MuYang insisted that it was Rains work instead, an argument which led to much confusion when carried out in conversation. Then there were those who lacked faith and believed it was all a ploy from their Legate, an obviously fake miracle meant to bolster Rains standing, as if that was enough to explain all the strange happenings in the last month.Personally, Song was torn between the first two camps. Attributing all these miracles to Rain seemed a little far-fetched, but there were too many strange coincidences to deny it out of hand.Upstairs, Song heard Luo-Luo sneak in to check on Rain and knew she would be out for breakfast soon. Though still a late start at eight in the morning, it was a marked improvement from the days when the Imperial Servant woke an hour before lunch, and when she finally arrived in the courtyard, Song hopped off the swings to greet her with a nod. Good morning Li-Li, Luo-Luo crooned, her voice as melodic as her zither. You really dont need to stop enjoying yourself on my account. I could always go do my morning practice elsewhere. Shaking her head, Song shooed the animals out of the way while using her Aura to assure Luo-Luo she was happy to do this and that it was no real trouble, and the Imperial Servant promptly responded by wrapping Song in a tight hug. Oh Li-Li, she said, lifting Song off her feet in surprisingly strong arms, Your stony expression hides so much love and affection, I really never would have known if you didnt have this wondrous Aura.Cheeks heating up from the tall womans warm embrace, Song considered fighting free of the hug, but she wasnt sure if she could do so without hurting Luo-Luo. When they first met, the Imperial Servant wouldve lost a fight with Mama Bun, but now she was a Warrior in truth. Though not quite strong enough to serve as Songs sparring partner, it might not be long before Luo-Luo caught up, for she was a phenomenal talent especially with her sceptre-flail in hand. The weapon was one reason why Song was happy to clear the courtyard for Luo-Luo, because the less who saw her practice, the better. As long as they believed her a weak, frail, stand-in Legate, her foes would continue to underestimate her resolve and think her easily bullied if push came to shove, meaning they would be in for a rude awakening when they finally opted to try.Still carrying Blackjack and the red panda, Song scooped up Tawny One before joining Princess and Sister-in-Law Sarnai on the couch. The older woman was lost in her thoughts, but still remembered to welcome Song with a smile, to which she responded with an outpouring of supportive Aura. Thank you, dear heart, Sarnai said, wrapping Song in a one armed hug. Upset she was being left out, Princess carefully laid herself across Sarnais lap and rested her chin on Songs thighs, eliciting a low chuckle from the older woman. Truly a marvellous wonder, she murmured, resting her cheek atop Songs head as they all snuggled together and watched Luo-Luo Demonstrate the Forms, which was what she thought Sarnai was alluding to until she continued, Humour an old fool once more and tell me how your Aura works?Though merely a polite request, the way Sarnai worded the question made it almost sound like a demand, and Song had to fight down a surge of momentary anxiety as she tried to obey on reflex. It was times like this when she missed Rain the most, because he always carefully chose his words whenever she was involved, a habit shed only just come to appreciate now that everyone else was forgetting to do the same. Still, it wasnt much, as most of the problem was inside Songs head, and she happily answered Sarnais query. I am not sure how it works, she began, just to make clear that she was not replying with the objective truth, but rather how she perceived it. A minor distinction, but shed seen slaves die for less. I simply tap into whatever emotion I am currently feeling, and kindle my Aura from there, as if lighting a candle from a burning flame, or drawing water from a bubbling wellspring.Or filling your Aura with the wind of emotion, and packing it tight with soil of the same. Smiling as she patted Songs arm, Sarnai said, I see you have been hard at work coming up with better explanations. Such a sweet, dutiful girl you are.Songs cheeks coloured once more, no longer able to hide her emotions as easily as before, the one downside to being more in tune with them. Yet another unexplained miracle from that incredible battle, one of too many to name. Not for the first time, Songs eyes went to Rains bedroom window, and she idly wondered if he had anything to do with her improved Aura, or with the elevation of Irregulars into tried and true Martial Warriors, or the widespread Insights regarding Panacea based Healing so many different individuals had received since then. The world of Martial Warriors was experiencing an unprecedented upheaval, with miracles occurring almost each passing day and common knowledge being challenged at every turn. Add to this the internal strife caused by Rains absence, the Defiled departure from the battlefield, the growing dissatisfaction with the luxury tax, the crumbling divide between nobles and commoners brought about by Rains burgeoning middle-class, and a thousand other factors, led Song to believe a great trial and tribulation was waiting ahead.The Mother never gave Her children more than they could bear, but given how She directly acted to increase the strength of humanity as a whole, this meant that the coming calamity might well be a challenge on a scale theyd never before seen.Somehow sensing Songs trepidation, Sarnai soothed her nerves with little more than a pat on the arm, the most she could do while they were already huddled in a warm embrace. No, it wasnt just her presence, but another sensation as well, something telling Song that she had strength enough to bear whatever may come, but she knew not the source of this reassurance. Again, her eyes were drawn towards Rains bedroom window, somehow suspecting it was his reassurance she was feeling.Because... it simply felt like something he would say, exactly how he would say it. No need to worry about it, she could almost hear him saying, shrugging as he added, Itll all work out. And all the while, hed be inwardly fretting about the exact same problem, as well as a thousand others Song wouldve never even considered, one or more of which might well inevitably crop up. Was he somehow communicating with her despite his coma? It would explain Mama Buns insistence on trying to wake him, since she never bothered him like that the last time he lapsed into a coma, immediately after Ping Pings ascension to Divinity. Perhaps the sweet bunny knew something the rest of them didnt, that Rain was aware of the world around him and somehow responding to it....How ridiculous. Song had read one too many of BoShuis flowery sermons on the glory of Falling Rain.It is not ridiculous. Somehow reading Songs thoughts, Sarnai smiled and shook her head. You are not as difficult to read as I once believed. Turning her gaze towards Rains window, Sarnai repeated, It is not ridiculous. I too feel his presence around us, so inspiring, yet wholly lacking in enthusiasm and good cheer. I believe he is in there, locked away and sulking in his dreams, but still somehow aware of what is happening around him. If anyone would know, it would be Sarnai, seeing how she recently spent six months in a coma, but Song was still not wholly convinced. Seeing this, the older woman smiled and said, It does not matter if you harbour doubts, for my faith will not waver. He is in there and he needs our support. When you have time, speak with him a bit. Tell him about things the animals have done, or your concerns regarding the Martial Path, or anything at all really. That is all I ask.Again, it took Song an effort of will to remind herself that this was not an order, nor was she compelled to obey if it was. Picking up on her discomfort, Sarnai raised an eyebrow in question, but Song shook her head and sank back into the kind womans embrace to watch Luo-Luo Demonstrate the Forms and twirl her chain about in dizzying, hypnotic patterns. While Sister Mila and Sister Tursinai fought with similar weapons, they stuck to whirling their chains in simple arcs, tracing a large, circular pattern typically from overhead. In contrast, Luo-Luos chain was shorter in length, but the Imperial Servant made it come to life in her hands, its movements reminiscent of a flying serpent. Back and forth it wiggled in an undulating pattern, seemingly slithering in place before darting forward to strike without warning, all done with a gentle flick of her wrist that betrayed no intention. Her recovery was sublime as well, the snakes head rearing back before whipping around again, this time in a horizontal sweep instead of a darting snap, and so long as she had strength enough behind the attack, Luo-Luo could clear a dozen Defiled away with this seemingly careless attack. That was the greatest danger she presented, for Luo-Luos Demonstration looked elegant and harmless until it didnt, only to revert back into a calm and delicate dance.This is where I belong.Here, alone with the nothingness.Time passes. A minute, an hour, a day, I don't know how long.My nerves tingle, from my scalp down to my toes.The pores on my skin open.A warm refreshing breeze moves through me.It settles in my stomach, a soothing feeling.One which sets my anxiety to spiking.Heavenly Energy. This is Heavenly Energy, settling not in my Core which sits shattered and emptied, but my physical body itself. In my distress, I find myself unable to cut off the flow, because Ive already severed all connection to my physical form, or so I thought. No, I did sever those ties, but the Heavenly Energy is rebuilding them, and in my current, quasi-dormant state, I lack the power to sever them once again. The Heavenly Energy seeps into me, and I can do nothing but watch its progress and mourn my failure, until it occurs to me to check the phone. Theres nothing there to explain whats happening aside from the presence of a few old friends, and Im left with no choice but to turn on the computer and don the headset once more to try and figure a way out of this mess.The long wait torments me with its agonizing lethargy, the PC slow to boot up because I made it so. Its part of the call centre package, where dreams go to die, and as cute as it mightve been to make this an authentic experience, its really biting me in the ass now.Fucking hell. I spent all that time divesting myself of emotion, memory, and personality, yet now its all back again in spades.The monitor flickers on, and my renewed limited omniscience tells me I was not as successful as I believed, because once again, my powers of denial and self-delusion carried me far. I only thought I was making progress towards oblivion, but Im no further than when I first started, all on account of my constantly buzzing phone. I got to pretend like I was only taking the most important messages, but instead, I was barely filtering anything out besides Ping Pings Loving Aura. The poor girl is beside herself with grief, but at least shes not so far gone as to succumb to weakness, and is even having herself a fun little swim at this very moment. The Spectres of her mind are not what I originally thought, and in fact might be more beneficial than harmful, but only because she is such a pure and kindhearted creature. No wonder Pong Pongs Natal Palace was devoid of life, because any Spectres he created would be tainted by his own experiences, fruit of the poisoned tree as it were. Same with me, which is why I unconsciously found all my Natal Palace villagers creepy and unsettling, though thankfully I eventually got rid of them all.Well... all except one, one I clung onto until it was almost too late. Mahakala saved me in more ways than one, and I am only now just realizing it.While part of me struggles with this newfound truth, another part assesses my current dilemma, and all becomes clear. Rather than my manor bedroom, I am now in the bathroom, but not in the marble bath chiselled into the ground. Instead, I sit nestled in the portable stone tub which I came to enjoy so much, but it is not water which I seep in, or at least not water alone. A medicinal bath has been brewed for me, done so using a formula put together by Taduk and Li TieGuai, with help from Taiyi ZhuShen, Taokang Geyan, and Lishan Suzhen, the three Healers I made connections with way back in Sinuji. It feels like a lifetime ago, but was in fact less than a year, yet so much has happened in the time since. All of them are present here and now, on standby to ensure nothing goes wrong and that their expertise is available should it be needed. Mom has Mama Bun in hand, while Tokta is also here, alongside an army of junior Healers from all walks of life, packed into my massive bathroom and inspecting my naked form with enough focus to make a life-long nudist blush.Slow and steady, Li TieGuai says, cautioning his Mentor whos doing the stirring. Despite his many failures, Taiyi ZhuShen is still the most experienced man in the room when it comes to making medicinal baths, so everyone involved thought it best to leave this to him. Rather than one, long bath to refine the body, it is safer to use a succession of shorter baths instead.Yes, absolutely, ZhuShen replies, proud as a peacock of his brilliant Disciple and more than happy to take orders, sprinkling in some sort of powder from a measuring spoon while stirring the heated water thoroughly. I dont know why I didnt see it before. Haste makes waste, as they say, haste makes waste.Careful! TieGuai leans forward on his crutches while his Junior Brothers, Tao Zi and PingGuo, help support his weight, their injuries long Healed and pride restored. Word of their exploits have spread far and wide, and no longer are they referred to as failures to their faces, though behind closed doors, many still call them freaks and abominations. That doesnt matter though, because all they care about is their Mentors reputation, one which has now been restored thanks to their heroics, heroics they feel they could not have accomplished without my help. For this and more, this Master and Disciple quartet have committed everything to helping my recovery, even browbeating the other strangers in the room to swear an Oath to keep it all a secret. The medicine must penetrate down to his blood vessels, but not so far as to reach his bones. Too much too quickly could hurt more than help, because we must build up his foundation in order to support his finished, refined body.Of course, of course, my mistake. Not really. ZhuShen judged my limits correctly and TieGuai is just being overly cautious, but thats fine because this means more time for me to think. What do I do? Whisper lies into their ears to get them to stop? No, I cant do that, because then Id be no different from Zhen Shi. The truth wont work either, because I cant bear to admit my weakness to the people who love me most, and Im not sure it would even sway Mom. Shed probably bring me back to life kicking and screaming all the way, then lecture me about how Im being selfish for wanting to leave them all behind. Which is what Im doing, but I can only bear to do it because Im not sure how real any of this is. I do know that if my body is refined as expected, the leftover Heavenly Energy will reshape and reform my Core, and then Ill no longer be able to isolate myself from my perceptions. Ill have no choice but to wake, because my body will force consciousness upon me once my bladder fills and my instincts kick in.My Path to Oblivion will be defeated by my need to piss. What. The actual. Fuck?Worst of all? I was the one who planted the idea in TieGuais mind, so did I sow the seeds of my own defeat? Or did Zhen Shi hear what I told TieGuai, and is using it to force me back to the waking world and face the pain and suffering which awaits me? Frozen with indecision, I sit at the monitor and stare at the proceedings, wondering what I am supposed to do next. I still have some weeks before the medicinal baths show results, but thats nothing. The clock is ticking, and even with all the information in the world, I have no idea what I can do to stop my inevitable return to reality.I cant do this. Im not ready. I need more time.Please.Help me.Someone.Anyone....And as always, my prayers go unanswered, which means if I want to stay here in the void, then Ill have to make it happen myself.Chapter Meme
