Chapter 830
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Chapter 830
Idle curiosity.
A most dangerous vice to indulge, especially whilst mired in such dire straits, but after so many years of monotonous stability, this Sovereign could not resist this once in a hundred millennia chance to study a perspective so utterly foreign he could not even begin to imagine what secrets it might reveal. The Dao of a dog was not worth much, but this was no common hound. No, this was an Elemental Spirit of Water in the form of a dog, though how such a thing came to be was beyond this Sovereigns comprehension.
Not much was known of Elemental Spirits, for it was only recently that their existence became known to him and the Empire both. The first inkling of their existence he uncovered came from the perspective of Third Brother Yang Kai, the Flame Monarch, though it would be some time before this Sovereign realized as much. His Third Brother was a man second to none when it came to wielding the fires of Heaven, a status he maintained up to this very day. Even with his soul imprisoned and perspective laid out for this Sovereign to examine at his leisure, he was unable to match Third Brothers understanding of the Blessing of Fire, and he spent several millennia striving to uncover why. It wasnt just Third Brother either, for this Sovereign failed to surpass the rest in their areas of expertise as well, whether it be First Brother Xing Wushens prowess in combat, Second Brother Liang Bos musical genius, Fourth Brother Tian Yis Concealment and Movement abilities, or Fifth Brother Di Zis profound comprehension of Life and Death Energy.
Though all Paths lead to the Dao, this Sovereign found himself unable to easily navigate any Path outside his own. While learning the fundamentals was possible and simple enough, he discovered that no matter how hard he pushed himself, his attainments in other Daos would never surpass the one hed instinctively picked for himself, a generic yet comprehensive understanding of the eight basic Chi skills that had carried him so far. Reinforcement, Amplification, Reverberation, Deflection, Honing, Guiding, Stability, and Lightening, these were skills available to all who pursued the Dao and yet in his hands, they became something else entirely. Take reinforcement for example, wherein he was capable of producing three to five times the effect with the same amount of effort as others. It wasnt until long after he conquered the Empire however that he understood that his increased effectiveness was due to his instinctive application of the skill on an internal and external level, both physically and spiritually. In short, where others pushed in one direction, he would push and pull in multiple dimensions to empower his body to the extreme. How this was possible was difficult to say, only that what seemed obvious to him was utterly indecipherable to others, and as far as he could tell, the same could be said regarding four of his five brothers talents.
The only exception being Third Brother Yang Kai, whose perspective revealed an utterly lacking comprehension of the flames, but an incomparable intimacy with it.
His flames took no unique form, nor did they glow with any particular light other than what you would expect from standard flames of similar heat and intensity. He could not shape his flames into creatures, or Manifest them into shields or blades to defend and attack with, was unable to force them to burn only within a designated area or discharge them in a specific pattern such as a fan or ring. Suffice it to say that his control over his flames was completely nonexistent, and if asked to describe his flames, he could only ever do so in relative terms, namely hot, hotter, or hottest, with a smattering of colour and emotions sprinkled in if feeling particularly enlightened.This chapter is updated by nov(e)(l)biin.com
And yet when Third Brother Yang Kai unleashed his flames, there was no denying the power contained within them. These were the flames of extreme heat, ones which burned hotter, spread farther, and endured longer than the flames of another practitioner yet left Third Brother completely untouched. Though First Brother was nigh unstoppable in single combat, and Second Brother capable of playing a tune to turn sons against their own fathers, they both required an army to subjugate the Southern and Northern provinces respectively, but Third Brother Yang Kai conquered the West all on his own. A force of nature unto himself, he set fire to the plains and created an unstoppable tempest of flame, one which went wherever the wind blew and reduced the province to naught but blood and ash. A feat most formidable, especially considering flames produced Heavenly Energy would never give rise mundane fire themselves, meaning the conflagration which spread all across the Western Province was empowered entirely by Third Brothers focused Will. The blaze burned for three full weeks until the last rebellious leader surrendered, his fortress turned to blackened ruins and the province reduced to a veritable wasteland, one stripped bare of all vegetation and reduced to an arid desert in the Flame Monarchs passing.
A feat no Fire-Blessed individual could ever come close to matching, for there was a quantitative difference between their flames and Third Brothers, one even this Sovereign was unable to classify.
Each of this Sovereigns five Brothers were powerful in their own right, but Third Brothers prowess was the most mysterious of all, for there was no logical reasoning for it. Not until only a handful of millennia ago, when this Sovereign stumbled across the existence of an Elemental Spirit in the possession of an Earth Blessed Warrior of note. A so-called Warrior Saint raised a mountain range on the northernmost border of the Empire, during the culmination of a conflict that had spanned on for several centuries. In doing so, he slaughtered three generations of Peak Experts and a Human Divinity in one fell swoop, all of whom had chased the Warrior Saint and his clansmen to this most remote and sparsely inhabited of areas. An impressive feat for a man who was not yet a Divinity, though the Saint in question Ascended soon after only for this Sovereign to swoop in and secure the Warriors soul to study and examine. In the moment of capture, he sensed something amiss, and found that embedded within the Warrior Saints soul was a Spirit of Earth, a powerful and dynamic entity which dwarfed this Sovereign in strength and accumulation. Unfortunately, because he had not been planning to inhabit the Warrior Saints body, hed destroyed it outright to make seizing his target that much easier, and thus, the Elemental Spirit abandoned its host immediately and set off into the Void, for there was no longer any value in staying. Only then was this Sovereign able to study the Warrior Saints soul and realize that his comprehension of Earth was similarly lacking to this Sovereigns Third Brother, and thus deduce that the Flame Monarch had likely possessed an Elemental Spirit of his own.
One that even Third Bother Yang Kai hadnt known was present, or absent after leaving sometime between the death of his body and his soul being rescued by this Sovereigns efforts.
From then on, he never encountered another Elemental Spirit again until now, though he found clues to their existence throughout the annals of history. The undying fires of Shen Huo, the eternal storm over Sam Set, the sinking sands of Gwandieppe, these were but a few of the instances hed discovered. Because of this, he suspected that Elemental Spirits had always been present within the world in some way, shape, or form, but were only recently able to Manifest themselves into reality due to the ever-increasing concentration of Heavenly Energy in the world, or perhaps due to the growing imbalance which arose from it. Either way, the Elemental Spirits preyed on the disincarnate Spirits this Sovereigns Natal Soul referred to as Spectres, or more specifically upon the wisp of Death Energy imbued within them during their moment of Creation. Severing Emotion required Life Energy to succeed, for one was not merely doing away with emotion, but a part of ones eternal Soul to serve as a vessel for said emotion, a complete and unconditional separation from which there could be no return. In doing so, the Life Energy consumed was transformed into Death Energy, which this Sovereigns Natal Soul used to further his studies into the Dao. Studies which would be most useful at this moment in time, but would require years, if not centuries to unravel due to his Natal Souls antagonistic nature and Falling Rains ill-intentioned encouragement.
Tightening his grip around the transmigrators throat, this Sovereign fixed his gaze upon this most rewarding prize and weighed the costs of keeping him alive. Dead, the runts disembodied soul would be but a fish upon the chopping board, unable to escape from the prison of this Sovereigns Natal Palace, but this might well cost him the chance to study an Elemental Spirit in depth. The dog was truly a creature of flesh and blood, but whether it housed the Elemental Spirit within or was part and parcel of the whole had yet to be determined, and until such a time, this Sovereign dared not risk it. A risky proposition, allowing Falling Rain to remain alive, for his progress was nothing short of astounding given the depth and breadth of his perspective, one gleaned from the Dao of another world which enabled him to compare and contrast it to this one with laughable ease. No matter though, for he was secured in hand and helpless to resist, though he had yet to accept it, still flailing away with foot and fist while struggling for an impossible escape.
A show, this Sovereign realized once he noticed the absence of the boys weapons, which were gathering power for a desperate last strike overhead.
This Sovereign seeks an accord, he began, unconsciously tightening his grip around Falling Rains throat only to forcibly relax lest he accidentally squeeze the hateful savages head clean off. A cessation of hostilities between us for the interim, only to resume no less than three seconds after this Sovereigns proclamation. Shaking Falling Rain before he could retort, he locked eyes with his prize and snarled, Agree, or this Sovereign will take action and slaughter every last Imperial in Shi Bei, save for those you hold dear who shall suffer for an eternity alongside you.
The boy weighed his options for all of a second, and this Sovereign almost thought him ready to refuse based on principle alone, but despite adhering to a Dao of Freedom, Falling Rain had bound himself in chains from which he would never escape. Fine, he replied, only to widen his eyes in surprise as the Heavens bound them both to adhere to this Oath, one even this Sovereign could not easily escape due to their nature. Theoretically, the only force stopping him from breaking this Oath was the weight of his own subconscious drawing upon the Heavens out of guilt and shame, so there were thousands of ways around it, but it was easier just to adhere to the terms of the Oath lest his Will falter in the future and he succumb to the weight of his own sins. As for Falling Rain breaking free of his Oath, while possible, it would take time and effort to do so, and even if he succeeded, there was little he could do to harm this Sovereign. The purpose of the Oath was only to buy himself time enough to study the Elemental Spirit in action unhindered, and ending the peace as simple as stating his intention out loud.
Turning to the Medical Saint and Rabbit Divinity, he met their eyes and addressed them. Should either of you act on his behalf or make an attempt to contact anyone outside this group, this Sovereign will consider it as a violation of our accord and mete out retribution as outlined before. That was all the warning he would give them, and all the time he intended to spare, for the dog had arrived in Shi Bei and this Sovereign was unwilling to miss even a moment of action as he Cloud-Stepped away with the boy in hand. The Oath compelled him to protect his prize despite knowing Falling Rain was more than capable of protecting himself, and he was prudent enough to Conceal the Rabbit and Hare Divinity alongside him lest they think to announce their presence by exposing themselves for all to see, but once these details were accounted for and the area secured from all Sendings, he gave his full attention to the Elemental Spirit turned Spiritual Dog on the battlefield of Shi Bei.
And his first impression? Immeasurable disappointment.
The Spiritual Dog behaved no differently from a regular dog, save to exhibit a comprehension of the Dao that surpassed all other canines in existence. The Dao of a dog, as it were, which he had witnessed first-hand mere seconds ago during Falling Rains ill-fated retreat towards Shi Bei. A bestial Dao, one of single-minded determination, but hardly unique or even of interest to this Sovereign. There was some merit to be found in the dogs actions beforehand, with its Orated baying to herald its arrival and bolster the courage of its mortal allies, as well as securing the assistance of a Wolf Divinity who might well be the oldest Divinity alive, this Sovereign notwithstanding. That being said, any graduate of the Royal College could have accomplished just as much, meaning the dogs exploits were only impressive because it was a dog, the same way mortals thought it impressive to see a dancing bear or juggling monkey. That was all there was to it, a fleeting moment of amusement at seeing a dog surpass all other dogs and most humans, yet still fall woefully short of the pinnacle this Sovereign yearned to reach.
And yet, despite the grave risk to his life and the panic he senses from me, Buddy is having the time of his life.
You can tell by the giant doggy grin stretched across his snout, so smug and happy that I could almost melt. I have yet to see his tail stop wagging for even the blink of an eye as he navigates the battlefield with surprising familiarity. Hes not drawing on my experience or any of his, but rather doing so based solely on bestial instinct, making sense of the chaos with little more than a glance and sticking close to the old wolf fighting to keep him safe. More than Buddys joy, greed, and gluttony however, his sense of adventure truly blows me away, a general merriment and satisfaction in the moment that I myself could never match, not even on the happiest days of my life. Just sharing in his joy threatens to unbalance me where I stand, caught in the grasp of the Eternal Emperor who could snap my neck with a thought, and yet despite the dire circumstances and high stakes at hand, I cannot for the life of me stop smiling.
Is this what it feels like to be happy? Truly, deeply content, without nagging fear or uncertain doubt to spoil the mood? Even on my wedding days, I was nervous throughout it all, and not because of the stupid feats of strength I was supposed to perform. No, I spent the whole day fretting because despite knowing Mila, Yan, and Lin-Lin wanted to marry me, I had all but convinced myself they were going to change their minds at the last second and my world would come crashing down. Even after they said yes, my nerves refused to settle down and I fixated on other things that might go wrong, like another assassination attempt or a malfunction in the bedroom that would leave my confidence and manliness shattered beyond repair. The former was understandable, the latter wholly incomprehensible, because the only issue Ive ever had with my penis is getting it to stay down, so why was I worried about the opposite? After the deed was done and I was alone in bed with my wife, my nerves settled down for a bit due to sheer exhaustion, but regardless of how happy I was to marry Mila, Yan, and Lin-Lin, even those singular moments of my greatest happiness cannot compare to how Buddy feels right this very moment.
Because not only is his belly full, but he has even more food to eat, circumstances which are so commonplace yet bring him so much joy that I cannot even begin to describe it.
The heights of his emotions are almost too much to bear, and I fear to ever lose this sensation even as I realize I must put it aside, because happiness is a drug I find difficult to procure even in the best of times, and one I cannot allow myself to grow addicted to. I am someone who finds happiness in misery, because without misery, I would be too paranoid to enjoy my happiness, which is why I love to complain. Only through complaining can I affirm that I am already miserable, and thus I can only fall so far into the pits of despair. In truth, my life is pretty awesome most of the time, but I find reasons to complain so I can feel safe and secure, which is why I have long since learned to hope for the best and expect the worst, so that I can invariably be content in my disappointment.
That is who I am, a core facet of Rayne, Rain, Baledagh, and Amigui, one that is inexplicably tied to my Dao. I see this now, Insight or just plain, honest observation making this clear as day. I pursue strength so I may remain free, free from conflict, free from strife, free from worry, free from anything and everything that might concern me, yet I know the freedom I seek does not exist. Not for me, at least, because I bind myself in chains of my own devising, chains of love, obligation, honour, and empathy, and in doing so, I enable myself to be miserable over an unattainable goal which I wouldnt really want to begin with. The truth is, even though I seek freedom, the freedom I want is not ultimate freedom from all earthly affairs, but the freedom to be the person I want to be and do as I please. Thats how Ive lived my life up until now, because even though I complained almost every step of the way, I am here where I stand now because I have stayed true to my own desires.
As Amigui, I refused to struggle and compete once it became clear I lacked strength, ready to resign myself to death and just try again, but then my brother Baledagh showed me I was not yet ready to die. I didnt want to kill him, but I didnt want to die even more, and though I will live out the rest of my life steeped in regret over his death, I dont think he would blame me. Hed blame our father, who he hated with all his heart, because unlike me, Baledagh was a son worthy of love and affection, yet he received nothing but scorn and apathy. Thats why he saved me, a tiny act of rebellion against our father, and a desperate gambit for the familial love and affection he desired so much, one which ended up costing him more than he expected, but he didnt regret it even at the end.
No, he was glad he wouldnt have to kill his own brother, glad Id found the will to survive, a bittersweet memory which will haunt me for the rest of my days while ensuring I strive to make the most of what Ive taken. Most of the time. You know, aside from that one little hiccup we had in JiangHu, but we all have our highs and lows. Whats important is the fact that I rallied back and will never make those same mistakes again.
In the mines, I learned what it was like to have no freedom whatsoever, even less than what I had as my fathers son. When I emerged as Falling Rain, I took a long time to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do, but once my mind was made, I never deviated from my chosen Path. I wanted to be a powerful Warrior capable of calling down fire and lightning upon my foes, a dream I still hold to today, but more than that, I wanted the strength to control my own fate, to never be enslaved again. A simple dream, but a tall order in a world like this, so I pursued strength with all my heart and took every opportunity presented to me. Join a Sentinel training patrol en route to the city? Sounds like fun, which I didnt even dare admit to myself. Represent the People in a contest for talented youths? I was eager to see how my skills measured up, because getting beaten up by Mila, Akanai, and Dad all the time was hardly satisfying. The trials which followed? I forced myself to fight first because I wanted to make it up to the People, to keep the others from possibly dying, but truth is, I was also enraged by what the Society had done and wanted to personally make them pay for their affront.
Securing the rank of Warrant Officer, capturing bandits in Sanshu, my clash with Han Bo Lao over the Purge, becoming the Number One Talent in Nan Ping, everything Ive done since leaving the mines has been in total accordance with my Dao. I do as I please, and complain the whole way so that I dont get too big for my britches and take what I have for granted. Im not truly miserable about having too many wives, even though I do feel guilty about it, no more than I am annoyed at having wealth, power, and status in spades, because if I didnt want any of that, I wouldve made different decisions and gone about things in a less flashy way. When I was made Legate, I couldve just rested on my laurels and let the Marshals and Colonel Generals do their thing, but I didnt. I butted heads with the Marshals and demanded the Colonel Generals provide me with advisors to weigh in on decisions no one wanted me to make, but why? Regardless of my unending complaints, I have never once shirked my responsibilities, not because I believe it is my duty or because I think Im some hero destined to save the world, but simply because I think I can do better.
Thats my arrogance speaking, and though it is difficult to say if things wouldve turned out for the better had I taken a backseat, no one can deny the benefits Ive brought to the Empire thus far, you know, minus this potentially devastating loss of life wherein my entire army is killed in battle against the Enemy here in Shi Bei.
I would be the first to admit that much of my success is accidental, but the things Ive intentionally done show my true nature as a man who does not necessarily seek out the spotlight, yet does not shy away from it either. Would I be happier living a life of obscurity in the mountains with my family and loved ones? Probably, but then I might never have married Mila, Yan, and Lin-Lin, or saved Li-Li and met Luo-Luo as well. Then of course theres all the pets I wouldve missed out on, like Ping Ping, Princess, Noodle, Guai Guai, and of course Buddy, to say nothing of the Abbots adorable menagerie with Rakky, Kukky, and Tai-Tai who I intend to abscond away with. Then theres all the friends I made along the way, and all the friends Ive lost, but the truth is, if given a second chance, I wouldnt change the major decisions I made except to make them more intelligently.
Do I have regrets? Sure. Everyone does, but this is the Path Ive chosen, the one most suited for me, and I will see it through to the end, no matter how difficult or bittersweet that end might be.
The Energy of the Heavens neither surges nor withdraws, with no change in the flow around me, but theres a buzz in the air which I cannot identify, an almost excitement or trepidation that is almost too much to bear as I come to terms with who I am and why I walk this Path, and in doing so, discover the truth I need to proceed. After so many years spent fighting to find my place, I am finally at peace with myself, One with Rayne, Rain, Baledagh, and Amigui, all in accordance with my Dao. I seek a freedom that does not exist, so that I might find purpose in my existence here in this strange world, one made all the more vast and ineffable due to the memories I have of my past life. Ive brought a part of that with me, made Manifest in Buddy, and I share in his joy as he bolts around in the sands while simultaneously sharing the fear and anxiety I harbour for my friends, family, and comrades down in Shi Bei. The surge of conflicting emotions threatens to sweep away, but I straddle the divide with one foot on both sides and ride the waves out as best I can, never wholly at rest or able to achieve the Balance I am familiar with, and at times only a hairs breadth away from complete imbalance, but I endure and indulge my emotions regardless. The forgotten colour wheel of emotions springs back to mind as I organize and identify this unending deluge as best I can so that I can better understand my feelings and make sense of the next step.
One Ive been too afraid to take, yet now have no choice but to, because if there is to be a chance of victory here in Shi Bei, I must first Ascend.
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Chapter 830
Idle curiosity.
A most dangerous vice to indulge, especially whilst mired in such dire straits, but after so many years of monotonous stability, this Sovereign could not resist this once in a hundred millennia chance to study a perspective so utterly foreign he could not even begin to imagine what secrets it might reveal. The Dao of a dog was not worth much, but this was no common hound. No, this was an Elemental Spirit of Water in the form of a dog, though how such a thing came to be was beyond this Sovereigns comprehension.
Not much was known of Elemental Spirits, for it was only recently that their existence became known to him and the Empire both. The first inkling of their existence he uncovered came from the perspective of Third Brother Yang Kai, the Flame Monarch, though it would be some time before this Sovereign realized as much. His Third Brother was a man second to none when it came to wielding the fires of Heaven, a status he maintained up to this very day. Even with his soul imprisoned and perspective laid out for this Sovereign to examine at his leisure, he was unable to match Third Brothers understanding of the Blessing of Fire, and he spent several millennia striving to uncover why. It wasnt just Third Brother either, for this Sovereign failed to surpass the rest in their areas of expertise as well, whether it be First Brother Xing Wushens prowess in combat, Second Brother Liang Bos musical genius, Fourth Brother Tian Yis Concealment and Movement abilities, or Fifth Brother Di Zis profound comprehension of Life and Death Energy.
Though all Paths lead to the Dao, this Sovereign found himself unable to easily navigate any Path outside his own. While learning the fundamentals was possible and simple enough, he discovered that no matter how hard he pushed himself, his attainments in other Daos would never surpass the one hed instinctively picked for himself, a generic yet comprehensive understanding of the eight basic Chi skills that had carried him so far. Reinforcement, Amplification, Reverberation, Deflection, Honing, Guiding, Stability, and Lightening, these were skills available to all who pursued the Dao and yet in his hands, they became something else entirely. Take reinforcement for example, wherein he was capable of producing three to five times the effect with the same amount of effort as others. It wasnt until long after he conquered the Empire however that he understood that his increased effectiveness was due to his instinctive application of the skill on an internal and external level, both physically and spiritually. In short, where others pushed in one direction, he would push and pull in multiple dimensions to empower his body to the extreme. How this was possible was difficult to say, only that what seemed obvious to him was utterly indecipherable to others, and as far as he could tell, the same could be said regarding four of his five brothers talents.
The only exception being Third Brother Yang Kai, whose perspective revealed an utterly lacking comprehension of the flames, but an incomparable intimacy with it.
His flames took no unique form, nor did they glow with any particular light other than what you would expect from standard flames of similar heat and intensity. He could not shape his flames into creatures, or Manifest them into shields or blades to defend and attack with, was unable to force them to burn only within a designated area or discharge them in a specific pattern such as a fan or ring. Suffice it to say that his control over his flames was completely nonexistent, and if asked to describe his flames, he could only ever do so in relative terms, namely hot, hotter, or hottest, with a smattering of colour and emotions sprinkled in if feeling particularly enlightened.This chapter is updated by nov(e)(l)biin.com
And yet when Third Brother Yang Kai unleashed his flames, there was no denying the power contained within them. These were the flames of extreme heat, ones which burned hotter, spread farther, and endured longer than the flames of another practitioner yet left Third Brother completely untouched. Though First Brother was nigh unstoppable in single combat, and Second Brother capable of playing a tune to turn sons against their own fathers, they both required an army to subjugate the Southern and Northern provinces respectively, but Third Brother Yang Kai conquered the West all on his own. A force of nature unto himself, he set fire to the plains and created an unstoppable tempest of flame, one which went wherever the wind blew and reduced the province to naught but blood and ash. A feat most formidable, especially considering flames produced Heavenly Energy would never give rise mundane fire themselves, meaning the conflagration which spread all across the Western Province was empowered entirely by Third Brothers focused Will. The blaze burned for three full weeks until the last rebellious leader surrendered, his fortress turned to blackened ruins and the province reduced to a veritable wasteland, one stripped bare of all vegetation and reduced to an arid desert in the Flame Monarchs passing.
A feat no Fire-Blessed individual could ever come close to matching, for there was a quantitative difference between their flames and Third Brothers, one even this Sovereign was unable to classify.
Each of this Sovereigns five Brothers were powerful in their own right, but Third Brothers prowess was the most mysterious of all, for there was no logical reasoning for it. Not until only a handful of millennia ago, when this Sovereign stumbled across the existence of an Elemental Spirit in the possession of an Earth Blessed Warrior of note. A so-called Warrior Saint raised a mountain range on the northernmost border of the Empire, during the culmination of a conflict that had spanned on for several centuries. In doing so, he slaughtered three generations of Peak Experts and a Human Divinity in one fell swoop, all of whom had chased the Warrior Saint and his clansmen to this most remote and sparsely inhabited of areas. An impressive feat for a man who was not yet a Divinity, though the Saint in question Ascended soon after only for this Sovereign to swoop in and secure the Warriors soul to study and examine. In the moment of capture, he sensed something amiss, and found that embedded within the Warrior Saints soul was a Spirit of Earth, a powerful and dynamic entity which dwarfed this Sovereign in strength and accumulation. Unfortunately, because he had not been planning to inhabit the Warrior Saints body, hed destroyed it outright to make seizing his target that much easier, and thus, the Elemental Spirit abandoned its host immediately and set off into the Void, for there was no longer any value in staying. Only then was this Sovereign able to study the Warrior Saints soul and realize that his comprehension of Earth was similarly lacking to this Sovereigns Third Brother, and thus deduce that the Flame Monarch had likely possessed an Elemental Spirit of his own.
One that even Third Bother Yang Kai hadnt known was present, or absent after leaving sometime between the death of his body and his soul being rescued by this Sovereigns efforts.
From then on, he never encountered another Elemental Spirit again until now, though he found clues to their existence throughout the annals of history. The undying fires of Shen Huo, the eternal storm over Sam Set, the sinking sands of Gwandieppe, these were but a few of the instances hed discovered. Because of this, he suspected that Elemental Spirits had always been present within the world in some way, shape, or form, but were only recently able to Manifest themselves into reality due to the ever-increasing concentration of Heavenly Energy in the world, or perhaps due to the growing imbalance which arose from it. Either way, the Elemental Spirits preyed on the disincarnate Spirits this Sovereigns Natal Soul referred to as Spectres, or more specifically upon the wisp of Death Energy imbued within them during their moment of Creation. Severing Emotion required Life Energy to succeed, for one was not merely doing away with emotion, but a part of ones eternal Soul to serve as a vessel for said emotion, a complete and unconditional separation from which there could be no return. In doing so, the Life Energy consumed was transformed into Death Energy, which this Sovereigns Natal Soul used to further his studies into the Dao. Studies which would be most useful at this moment in time, but would require years, if not centuries to unravel due to his Natal Souls antagonistic nature and Falling Rains ill-intentioned encouragement.
Tightening his grip around the transmigrators throat, this Sovereign fixed his gaze upon this most rewarding prize and weighed the costs of keeping him alive. Dead, the runts disembodied soul would be but a fish upon the chopping board, unable to escape from the prison of this Sovereigns Natal Palace, but this might well cost him the chance to study an Elemental Spirit in depth. The dog was truly a creature of flesh and blood, but whether it housed the Elemental Spirit within or was part and parcel of the whole had yet to be determined, and until such a time, this Sovereign dared not risk it. A risky proposition, allowing Falling Rain to remain alive, for his progress was nothing short of astounding given the depth and breadth of his perspective, one gleaned from the Dao of another world which enabled him to compare and contrast it to this one with laughable ease. No matter though, for he was secured in hand and helpless to resist, though he had yet to accept it, still flailing away with foot and fist while struggling for an impossible escape.
A show, this Sovereign realized once he noticed the absence of the boys weapons, which were gathering power for a desperate last strike overhead.
This Sovereign seeks an accord, he began, unconsciously tightening his grip around Falling Rains throat only to forcibly relax lest he accidentally squeeze the hateful savages head clean off. A cessation of hostilities between us for the interim, only to resume no less than three seconds after this Sovereigns proclamation. Shaking Falling Rain before he could retort, he locked eyes with his prize and snarled, Agree, or this Sovereign will take action and slaughter every last Imperial in Shi Bei, save for those you hold dear who shall suffer for an eternity alongside you.
The boy weighed his options for all of a second, and this Sovereign almost thought him ready to refuse based on principle alone, but despite adhering to a Dao of Freedom, Falling Rain had bound himself in chains from which he would never escape. Fine, he replied, only to widen his eyes in surprise as the Heavens bound them both to adhere to this Oath, one even this Sovereign could not easily escape due to their nature. Theoretically, the only force stopping him from breaking this Oath was the weight of his own subconscious drawing upon the Heavens out of guilt and shame, so there were thousands of ways around it, but it was easier just to adhere to the terms of the Oath lest his Will falter in the future and he succumb to the weight of his own sins. As for Falling Rain breaking free of his Oath, while possible, it would take time and effort to do so, and even if he succeeded, there was little he could do to harm this Sovereign. The purpose of the Oath was only to buy himself time enough to study the Elemental Spirit in action unhindered, and ending the peace as simple as stating his intention out loud.
Turning to the Medical Saint and Rabbit Divinity, he met their eyes and addressed them. Should either of you act on his behalf or make an attempt to contact anyone outside this group, this Sovereign will consider it as a violation of our accord and mete out retribution as outlined before. That was all the warning he would give them, and all the time he intended to spare, for the dog had arrived in Shi Bei and this Sovereign was unwilling to miss even a moment of action as he Cloud-Stepped away with the boy in hand. The Oath compelled him to protect his prize despite knowing Falling Rain was more than capable of protecting himself, and he was prudent enough to Conceal the Rabbit and Hare Divinity alongside him lest they think to announce their presence by exposing themselves for all to see, but once these details were accounted for and the area secured from all Sendings, he gave his full attention to the Elemental Spirit turned Spiritual Dog on the battlefield of Shi Bei.
And his first impression? Immeasurable disappointment.
The Spiritual Dog behaved no differently from a regular dog, save to exhibit a comprehension of the Dao that surpassed all other canines in existence. The Dao of a dog, as it were, which he had witnessed first-hand mere seconds ago during Falling Rains ill-fated retreat towards Shi Bei. A bestial Dao, one of single-minded determination, but hardly unique or even of interest to this Sovereign. There was some merit to be found in the dogs actions beforehand, with its Orated baying to herald its arrival and bolster the courage of its mortal allies, as well as securing the assistance of a Wolf Divinity who might well be the oldest Divinity alive, this Sovereign notwithstanding. That being said, any graduate of the Royal College could have accomplished just as much, meaning the dogs exploits were only impressive because it was a dog, the same way mortals thought it impressive to see a dancing bear or juggling monkey. That was all there was to it, a fleeting moment of amusement at seeing a dog surpass all other dogs and most humans, yet still fall woefully short of the pinnacle this Sovereign yearned to reach.
And yet, despite the grave risk to his life and the panic he senses from me, Buddy is having the time of his life.
You can tell by the giant doggy grin stretched across his snout, so smug and happy that I could almost melt. I have yet to see his tail stop wagging for even the blink of an eye as he navigates the battlefield with surprising familiarity. Hes not drawing on my experience or any of his, but rather doing so based solely on bestial instinct, making sense of the chaos with little more than a glance and sticking close to the old wolf fighting to keep him safe. More than Buddys joy, greed, and gluttony however, his sense of adventure truly blows me away, a general merriment and satisfaction in the moment that I myself could never match, not even on the happiest days of my life. Just sharing in his joy threatens to unbalance me where I stand, caught in the grasp of the Eternal Emperor who could snap my neck with a thought, and yet despite the dire circumstances and high stakes at hand, I cannot for the life of me stop smiling.
Is this what it feels like to be happy? Truly, deeply content, without nagging fear or uncertain doubt to spoil the mood? Even on my wedding days, I was nervous throughout it all, and not because of the stupid feats of strength I was supposed to perform. No, I spent the whole day fretting because despite knowing Mila, Yan, and Lin-Lin wanted to marry me, I had all but convinced myself they were going to change their minds at the last second and my world would come crashing down. Even after they said yes, my nerves refused to settle down and I fixated on other things that might go wrong, like another assassination attempt or a malfunction in the bedroom that would leave my confidence and manliness shattered beyond repair. The former was understandable, the latter wholly incomprehensible, because the only issue Ive ever had with my penis is getting it to stay down, so why was I worried about the opposite? After the deed was done and I was alone in bed with my wife, my nerves settled down for a bit due to sheer exhaustion, but regardless of how happy I was to marry Mila, Yan, and Lin-Lin, even those singular moments of my greatest happiness cannot compare to how Buddy feels right this very moment.
Because not only is his belly full, but he has even more food to eat, circumstances which are so commonplace yet bring him so much joy that I cannot even begin to describe it.
The heights of his emotions are almost too much to bear, and I fear to ever lose this sensation even as I realize I must put it aside, because happiness is a drug I find difficult to procure even in the best of times, and one I cannot allow myself to grow addicted to. I am someone who finds happiness in misery, because without misery, I would be too paranoid to enjoy my happiness, which is why I love to complain. Only through complaining can I affirm that I am already miserable, and thus I can only fall so far into the pits of despair. In truth, my life is pretty awesome most of the time, but I find reasons to complain so I can feel safe and secure, which is why I have long since learned to hope for the best and expect the worst, so that I can invariably be content in my disappointment.
That is who I am, a core facet of Rayne, Rain, Baledagh, and Amigui, one that is inexplicably tied to my Dao. I see this now, Insight or just plain, honest observation making this clear as day. I pursue strength so I may remain free, free from conflict, free from strife, free from worry, free from anything and everything that might concern me, yet I know the freedom I seek does not exist. Not for me, at least, because I bind myself in chains of my own devising, chains of love, obligation, honour, and empathy, and in doing so, I enable myself to be miserable over an unattainable goal which I wouldnt really want to begin with. The truth is, even though I seek freedom, the freedom I want is not ultimate freedom from all earthly affairs, but the freedom to be the person I want to be and do as I please. Thats how Ive lived my life up until now, because even though I complained almost every step of the way, I am here where I stand now because I have stayed true to my own desires.
As Amigui, I refused to struggle and compete once it became clear I lacked strength, ready to resign myself to death and just try again, but then my brother Baledagh showed me I was not yet ready to die. I didnt want to kill him, but I didnt want to die even more, and though I will live out the rest of my life steeped in regret over his death, I dont think he would blame me. Hed blame our father, who he hated with all his heart, because unlike me, Baledagh was a son worthy of love and affection, yet he received nothing but scorn and apathy. Thats why he saved me, a tiny act of rebellion against our father, and a desperate gambit for the familial love and affection he desired so much, one which ended up costing him more than he expected, but he didnt regret it even at the end.
No, he was glad he wouldnt have to kill his own brother, glad Id found the will to survive, a bittersweet memory which will haunt me for the rest of my days while ensuring I strive to make the most of what Ive taken. Most of the time. You know, aside from that one little hiccup we had in JiangHu, but we all have our highs and lows. Whats important is the fact that I rallied back and will never make those same mistakes again.
In the mines, I learned what it was like to have no freedom whatsoever, even less than what I had as my fathers son. When I emerged as Falling Rain, I took a long time to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do, but once my mind was made, I never deviated from my chosen Path. I wanted to be a powerful Warrior capable of calling down fire and lightning upon my foes, a dream I still hold to today, but more than that, I wanted the strength to control my own fate, to never be enslaved again. A simple dream, but a tall order in a world like this, so I pursued strength with all my heart and took every opportunity presented to me. Join a Sentinel training patrol en route to the city? Sounds like fun, which I didnt even dare admit to myself. Represent the People in a contest for talented youths? I was eager to see how my skills measured up, because getting beaten up by Mila, Akanai, and Dad all the time was hardly satisfying. The trials which followed? I forced myself to fight first because I wanted to make it up to the People, to keep the others from possibly dying, but truth is, I was also enraged by what the Society had done and wanted to personally make them pay for their affront.
Securing the rank of Warrant Officer, capturing bandits in Sanshu, my clash with Han Bo Lao over the Purge, becoming the Number One Talent in Nan Ping, everything Ive done since leaving the mines has been in total accordance with my Dao. I do as I please, and complain the whole way so that I dont get too big for my britches and take what I have for granted. Im not truly miserable about having too many wives, even though I do feel guilty about it, no more than I am annoyed at having wealth, power, and status in spades, because if I didnt want any of that, I wouldve made different decisions and gone about things in a less flashy way. When I was made Legate, I couldve just rested on my laurels and let the Marshals and Colonel Generals do their thing, but I didnt. I butted heads with the Marshals and demanded the Colonel Generals provide me with advisors to weigh in on decisions no one wanted me to make, but why? Regardless of my unending complaints, I have never once shirked my responsibilities, not because I believe it is my duty or because I think Im some hero destined to save the world, but simply because I think I can do better.
Thats my arrogance speaking, and though it is difficult to say if things wouldve turned out for the better had I taken a backseat, no one can deny the benefits Ive brought to the Empire thus far, you know, minus this potentially devastating loss of life wherein my entire army is killed in battle against the Enemy here in Shi Bei.
I would be the first to admit that much of my success is accidental, but the things Ive intentionally done show my true nature as a man who does not necessarily seek out the spotlight, yet does not shy away from it either. Would I be happier living a life of obscurity in the mountains with my family and loved ones? Probably, but then I might never have married Mila, Yan, and Lin-Lin, or saved Li-Li and met Luo-Luo as well. Then of course theres all the pets I wouldve missed out on, like Ping Ping, Princess, Noodle, Guai Guai, and of course Buddy, to say nothing of the Abbots adorable menagerie with Rakky, Kukky, and Tai-Tai who I intend to abscond away with. Then theres all the friends I made along the way, and all the friends Ive lost, but the truth is, if given a second chance, I wouldnt change the major decisions I made except to make them more intelligently.
Do I have regrets? Sure. Everyone does, but this is the Path Ive chosen, the one most suited for me, and I will see it through to the end, no matter how difficult or bittersweet that end might be.
The Energy of the Heavens neither surges nor withdraws, with no change in the flow around me, but theres a buzz in the air which I cannot identify, an almost excitement or trepidation that is almost too much to bear as I come to terms with who I am and why I walk this Path, and in doing so, discover the truth I need to proceed. After so many years spent fighting to find my place, I am finally at peace with myself, One with Rayne, Rain, Baledagh, and Amigui, all in accordance with my Dao. I seek a freedom that does not exist, so that I might find purpose in my existence here in this strange world, one made all the more vast and ineffable due to the memories I have of my past life. Ive brought a part of that with me, made Manifest in Buddy, and I share in his joy as he bolts around in the sands while simultaneously sharing the fear and anxiety I harbour for my friends, family, and comrades down in Shi Bei. The surge of conflicting emotions threatens to sweep away, but I straddle the divide with one foot on both sides and ride the waves out as best I can, never wholly at rest or able to achieve the Balance I am familiar with, and at times only a hairs breadth away from complete imbalance, but I endure and indulge my emotions regardless. The forgotten colour wheel of emotions springs back to mind as I organize and identify this unending deluge as best I can so that I can better understand my feelings and make sense of the next step.
One Ive been too afraid to take, yet now have no choice but to, because if there is to be a chance of victory here in Shi Bei, I must first Ascend.
Chapter Meme 1
Chapter Meme 2
Chapter Meme 3
Chapter 830Idle curiosity.A most dangerous vice to indulge, especially whilst mired in such dire straits, but after so many years of monotonous stability, this Sovereign could not resist this once in a hundred millennia chance to study a perspective so utterly foreign he could not even begin to imagine what secrets it might reveal. The Dao of a dog was not worth much, but this was no common hound. No, this was an Elemental Spirit of Water in the form of a dog, though how such a thing came to be was beyond this Sovereigns comprehension.Not much was known of Elemental Spirits, for it was only recently that their existence became known to him and the Empire both. The first inkling of their existence he uncovered came from the perspective of Third Brother Yang Kai, the Flame Monarch, though it would be some time before this Sovereign realized as much. His Third Brother was a man second to none when it came to wielding the fires of Heaven, a status he maintained up to this very day. Even with his soul imprisoned and perspective laid out for this Sovereign to examine at his leisure, he was unable to match Third Brothers understanding of the Blessing of Fire, and he spent several millennia striving to uncover why. It wasnt just Third Brother either, for this Sovereign failed to surpass the rest in their areas of expertise as well, whether it be First Brother Xing Wushens prowess in combat, Second Brother Liang Bos musical genius, Fourth Brother Tian Yis Concealment and Movement abilities, or Fifth Brother Di Zis profound comprehension of Life and Death Energy.Though all Paths lead to the Dao, this Sovereign found himself unable to easily navigate any Path outside his own. While learning the fundamentals was possible and simple enough, he discovered that no matter how hard he pushed himself, his attainments in other Daos would never surpass the one hed instinctively picked for himself, a generic yet comprehensive understanding of the eight basic Chi skills that had carried him so far. Reinforcement, Amplification, Reverberation, Deflection, Honing, Guiding, Stability, and Lightening, these were skills available to all who pursued the Dao and yet in his hands, they became something else entirely. Take reinforcement for example, wherein he was capable of producing three to five times the effect with the same amount of effort as others. It wasnt until long after he conquered the Empire however that he understood that his increased effectiveness was due to his instinctive application of the skill on an internal and external level, both physically and spiritually. In short, where others pushed in one direction, he would push and pull in multiple dimensions to empower his body to the extreme. How this was possible was difficult to say, only that what seemed obvious to him was utterly indecipherable to others, and as far as he could tell, the same could be said regarding four of his five brothers talents.The only exception being Third Brother Yang Kai, whose perspective revealed an utterly lacking comprehension of the flames, but an incomparable intimacy with it.His flames took no unique form, nor did they glow with any particular light other than what you would expect from standard flames of similar heat and intensity. He could not shape his flames into creatures, or Manifest them into shields or blades to defend and attack with, was unable to force them to burn only within a designated area or discharge them in a specific pattern such as a fan or ring. Suffice it to say that his control over his flames was completely nonexistent, and if asked to describe his flames, he could only ever do so in relative terms, namely hot, hotter, or hottest, with a smattering of colour and emotions sprinkled in if feeling particularly enlightened.This chapter is updated by novelbiin.comAnd yet when Third Brother Yang Kai unleashed his flames, there was no denying the power contained within them. These were the flames of extreme heat, ones which burned hotter, spread farther, and endured longer than the flames of another practitioner yet left Third Brother completely untouched. Though First Brother was nigh unstoppable in single combat, and Second Brother capable of playing a tune to turn sons against their own fathers, they both required an army to subjugate the Southern and Northern provinces respectively, but Third Brother Yang Kai conquered the West all on his own. A force of nature unto himself, he set fire to the plains and created an unstoppable tempest of flame, one which went wherever the wind blew and reduced the province to naught but blood and ash. A feat most formidable, especially considering flames produced Heavenly Energy would never give rise mundane fire themselves, meaning the conflagration which spread all across the Western Province was empowered entirely by Third Brothers focused Will. The blaze burned for three full weeks until the last rebellious leader surrendered, his fortress turned to blackened ruins and the province reduced to a veritable wasteland, one stripped bare of all vegetation and reduced to an arid desert in the Flame Monarchs passing.A feat no Fire-Blessed individual could ever come close to matching, for there was a quantitative difference between their flames and Third Brothers, one even this Sovereign was unable to classify.Each of this Sovereigns five Brothers were powerful in their own right, but Third Brothers prowess was the most mysterious of all, for there was no logical reasoning for it. Not until only a handful of millennia ago, when this Sovereign stumbled across the existence of an Elemental Spirit in the possession of an Earth Blessed Warrior of note. A so-called Warrior Saint raised a mountain range on the northernmost border of the Empire, during the culmination of a conflict that had spanned on for several centuries. In doing so, he slaughtered three generations of Peak Experts and a Human Divinity in one fell swoop, all of whom had chased the Warrior Saint and his clansmen to this most remote and sparsely inhabited of areas. An impressive feat for a man who was not yet a Divinity, though the Saint in question Ascended soon after only for this Sovereign to swoop in and secure the Warriors soul to study and examine. In the moment of capture, he sensed something amiss, and found that embedded within the Warrior Saints soul was a Spirit of Earth, a powerful and dynamic entity which dwarfed this Sovereign in strength and accumulation. Unfortunately, because he had not been planning to inhabit the Warrior Saints body, hed destroyed it outright to make seizing his target that much easier, and thus, the Elemental Spirit abandoned its host immediately and set off into the Void, for there was no longer any value in staying. Only then was this Sovereign able to study the Warrior Saints soul and realize that his comprehension of Earth was similarly lacking to this Sovereigns Third Brother, and thus deduce that the Flame Monarch had likely possessed an Elemental Spirit of his own.One that even Third Bother Yang Kai hadnt known was present, or absent after leaving sometime between the death of his body and his soul being rescued by this Sovereigns efforts.From then on, he never encountered another Elemental Spirit again until now, though he found clues to their existence throughout the annals of history. The undying fires of Shen Huo, the eternal storm over Sam Set, the sinking sands of Gwandieppe, these were but a few of the instances hed discovered. Because of this, he suspected that Elemental Spirits had always been present within the world in some way, shape, or form, but were only recently able to Manifest themselves into reality due to the ever-increasing concentration of Heavenly Energy in the world, or perhaps due to the growing imbalance which arose from it. Either way, the Elemental Spirits preyed on the disincarnate Spirits this Sovereigns Natal Soul referred to as Spectres, or more specifically upon the wisp of Death Energy imbued within them during their moment of Creation. Severing Emotion required Life Energy to succeed, for one was not merely doing away with emotion, but a part of ones eternal Soul to serve as a vessel for said emotion, a complete and unconditional separation from which there could be no return. In doing so, the Life Energy consumed was transformed into Death Energy, which this Sovereigns Natal Soul used to further his studies into the Dao. Studies which would be most useful at this moment in time, but would require years, if not centuries to unravel due to his Natal Souls antagonistic nature and Falling Rains ill-intentioned encouragement.Tightening his grip around the transmigrators throat, this Sovereign fixed his gaze upon this most rewarding prize and weighed the costs of keeping him alive. Dead, the runts disembodied soul would be but a fish upon the chopping board, unable to escape from the prison of this Sovereigns Natal Palace, but this might well cost him the chance to study an Elemental Spirit in depth. The dog was truly a creature of flesh and blood, but whether it housed the Elemental Spirit within or was part and parcel of the whole had yet to be determined, and until such a time, this Sovereign dared not risk it. A risky proposition, allowing Falling Rain to remain alive, for his progress was nothing short of astounding given the depth and breadth of his perspective, one gleaned from the Dao of another world which enabled him to compare and contrast it to this one with laughable ease. No matter though, for he was secured in hand and helpless to resist, though he had yet to accept it, still flailing away with foot and fist while struggling for an impossible escape.A show, this Sovereign realized once he noticed the absence of the boys weapons, which were gathering power for a desperate last strike overhead.This Sovereign seeks an accord, he began, unconsciously tightening his grip around Falling Rains throat only to forcibly relax lest he accidentally squeeze the hateful savages head clean off. A cessation of hostilities between us for the interim, only to resume no less than three seconds after this Sovereigns proclamation. Shaking Falling Rain before he could retort, he locked eyes with his prize and snarled, Agree, or this Sovereign will take action and slaughter every last Imperial in Shi Bei, save for those you hold dear who shall suffer for an eternity alongside you.The boy weighed his options for all of a second, and this Sovereign almost thought him ready to refuse based on principle alone, but despite adhering to a Dao of Freedom, Falling Rain had bound himself in chains from which he would never escape. Fine, he replied, only to widen his eyes in surprise as the Heavens bound them both to adhere to this Oath, one even this Sovereign could not easily escape due to their nature. Theoretically, the only force stopping him from breaking this Oath was the weight of his own subconscious drawing upon the Heavens out of guilt and shame, so there were thousands of ways around it, but it was easier just to adhere to the terms of the Oath lest his Will falter in the future and he succumb to the weight of his own sins. As for Falling Rain breaking free of his Oath, while possible, it would take time and effort to do so, and even if he succeeded, there was little he could do to harm this Sovereign. The purpose of the Oath was only to buy himself time enough to study the Elemental Spirit in action unhindered, and ending the peace as simple as stating his intention out loud.Turning to the Medical Saint and Rabbit Divinity, he met their eyes and addressed them. Should either of you act on his behalf or make an attempt to contact anyone outside this group, this Sovereign will consider it as a violation of our accord and mete out retribution as outlined before. That was all the warning he would give them, and all the time he intended to spare, for the dog had arrived in Shi Bei and this Sovereign was unwilling to miss even a moment of action as he Cloud-Stepped away with the boy in hand. The Oath compelled him to protect his prize despite knowing Falling Rain was more than capable of protecting himself, and he was prudent enough to Conceal the Rabbit and Hare Divinity alongside him lest they think to announce their presence by exposing themselves for all to see, but once these details were accounted for and the area secured from all Sendings, he gave his full attention to the Elemental Spirit turned Spiritual Dog on the battlefield of Shi Bei.And his first impression? Immeasurable disappointment.The Spiritual Dog behaved no differently from a regular dog, save to exhibit a comprehension of the Dao that surpassed all other canines in existence. The Dao of a dog, as it were, which he had witnessed first-hand mere seconds ago during Falling Rains ill-fated retreat towards Shi Bei. A bestial Dao, one of single-minded determination, but hardly unique or even of interest to this Sovereign. There was some merit to be found in the dogs actions beforehand, with its Orated baying to herald its arrival and bolster the courage of its mortal allies, as well as securing the assistance of a Wolf Divinity who might well be the oldest Divinity alive, this Sovereign notwithstanding. That being said, any graduate of the Royal College could have accomplished just as much, meaning the dogs exploits were only impressive because it was a dog, the same way mortals thought it impressive to see a dancing bear or juggling monkey. That was all there was to it, a fleeting moment of amusement at seeing a dog surpass all other dogs and most humans, yet still fall woefully short of the pinnacle this Sovereign yearned to reach.And yet, despite the grave risk to his life and the panic he senses from me, Buddy is having the time of his life.You can tell by the giant doggy grin stretched across his snout, so smug and happy that I could almost melt. I have yet to see his tail stop wagging for even the blink of an eye as he navigates the battlefield with surprising familiarity. Hes not drawing on my experience or any of his, but rather doing so based solely on bestial instinct, making sense of the chaos with little more than a glance and sticking close to the old wolf fighting to keep him safe. More than Buddys joy, greed, and gluttony however, his sense of adventure truly blows me away, a general merriment and satisfaction in the moment that I myself could never match, not even on the happiest days of my life. Just sharing in his joy threatens to unbalance me where I stand, caught in the grasp of the Eternal Emperor who could snap my neck with a thought, and yet despite the dire circumstances and high stakes at hand, I cannot for the life of me stop smiling.Is this what it feels like to be happy? Truly, deeply content, without nagging fear or uncertain doubt to spoil the mood? Even on my wedding days, I was nervous throughout it all, and not because of the stupid feats of strength I was supposed to perform. No, I spent the whole day fretting because despite knowing Mila, Yan, and Lin-Lin wanted to marry me, I had all but convinced myself they were going to change their minds at the last second and my world would come crashing down. Even after they said yes, my nerves refused to settle down and I fixated on other things that might go wrong, like another assassination attempt or a malfunction in the bedroom that would leave my confidence and manliness shattered beyond repair. The former was understandable, the latter wholly incomprehensible, because the only issue Ive ever had with my penis is getting it to stay down, so why was I worried about the opposite? After the deed was done and I was alone in bed with my wife, my nerves settled down for a bit due to sheer exhaustion, but regardless of how happy I was to marry Mila, Yan, and Lin-Lin, even those singular moments of my greatest happiness cannot compare to how Buddy feels right this very moment.Because not only is his belly full, but he has even more food to eat, circumstances which are so commonplace yet bring him so much joy that I cannot even begin to describe it.The heights of his emotions are almost too much to bear, and I fear to ever lose this sensation even as I realize I must put it aside, because happiness is a drug I find difficult to procure even in the best of times, and one I cannot allow myself to grow addicted to. I am someone who finds happiness in misery, because without misery, I would be too paranoid to enjoy my happiness, which is why I love to complain. Only through complaining can I affirm that I am already miserable, and thus I can only fall so far into the pits of despair. In truth, my life is pretty awesome most of the time, but I find reasons to complain so I can feel safe and secure, which is why I have long since learned to hope for the best and expect the worst, so that I can invariably be content in my disappointment.That is who I am, a core facet of Rayne, Rain, Baledagh, and Amigui, one that is inexplicably tied to my Dao. I see this now, Insight or just plain, honest observation making this clear as day. I pursue strength so I may remain free, free from conflict, free from strife, free from worry, free from anything and everything that might concern me, yet I know the freedom I seek does not exist. Not for me, at least, because I bind myself in chains of my own devising, chains of love, obligation, honour, and empathy, and in doing so, I enable myself to be miserable over an unattainable goal which I wouldnt really want to begin with. The truth is, even though I seek freedom, the freedom I want is not ultimate freedom from all earthly affairs, but the freedom to be the person I want to be and do as I please. Thats how Ive lived my life up until now, because even though I complained almost every step of the way, I am here where I stand now because I have stayed true to my own desires.As Amigui, I refused to struggle and compete once it became clear I lacked strength, ready to resign myself to death and just try again, but then my brother Baledagh showed me I was not yet ready to die. I didnt want to kill him, but I didnt want to die even more, and though I will live out the rest of my life steeped in regret over his death, I dont think he would blame me. Hed blame our father, who he hated with all his heart, because unlike me, Baledagh was a son worthy of love and affection, yet he received nothing but scorn and apathy. Thats why he saved me, a tiny act of rebellion against our father, and a desperate gambit for the familial love and affection he desired so much, one which ended up costing him more than he expected, but he didnt regret it even at the end.No, he was glad he wouldnt have to kill his own brother, glad Id found the will to survive, a bittersweet memory which will haunt me for the rest of my days while ensuring I strive to make the most of what Ive taken. Most of the time. You know, aside from that one little hiccup we had in JiangHu, but we all have our highs and lows. Whats important is the fact that I rallied back and will never make those same mistakes again.In the mines, I learned what it was like to have no freedom whatsoever, even less than what I had as my fathers son. When I emerged as Falling Rain, I took a long time to figure out who I was and what I wanted to do, but once my mind was made, I never deviated from my chosen Path. I wanted to be a powerful Warrior capable of calling down fire and lightning upon my foes, a dream I still hold to today, but more than that, I wanted the strength to control my own fate, to never be enslaved again. A simple dream, but a tall order in a world like this, so I pursued strength with all my heart and took every opportunity presented to me. Join a Sentinel training patrol en route to the city? Sounds like fun, which I didnt even dare admit to myself. Represent the People in a contest for talented youths? I was eager to see how my skills measured up, because getting beaten up by Mila, Akanai, and Dad all the time was hardly satisfying. The trials which followed? I forced myself to fight first because I wanted to make it up to the People, to keep the others from possibly dying, but truth is, I was also enraged by what the Society had done and wanted to personally make them pay for their affront.Securing the rank of Warrant Officer, capturing bandits in Sanshu, my clash with Han Bo Lao over the Purge, becoming the Number One Talent in Nan Ping, everything Ive done since leaving the mines has been in total accordance with my Dao. I do as I please, and complain the whole way so that I dont get too big for my britches and take what I have for granted. Im not truly miserable about having too many wives, even though I do feel guilty about it, no more than I am annoyed at having wealth, power, and status in spades, because if I didnt want any of that, I wouldve made different decisions and gone about things in a less flashy way. When I was made Legate, I couldve just rested on my laurels and let the Marshals and Colonel Generals do their thing, but I didnt. I butted heads with the Marshals and demanded the Colonel Generals provide me with advisors to weigh in on decisions no one wanted me to make, but why? Regardless of my unending complaints, I have never once shirked my responsibilities, not because I believe it is my duty or because I think Im some hero destined to save the world, but simply because I think I can do better.Thats my arrogance speaking, and though it is difficult to say if things wouldve turned out for the better had I taken a backseat, no one can deny the benefits Ive brought to the Empire thus far, you know, minus this potentially devastating loss of life wherein my entire army is killed in battle against the Enemy here in Shi Bei.I would be the first to admit that much of my success is accidental, but the things Ive intentionally done show my true nature as a man who does not necessarily seek out the spotlight, yet does not shy away from it either. Would I be happier living a life of obscurity in the mountains with my family and loved ones? Probably, but then I might never have married Mila, Yan, and Lin-Lin, or saved Li-Li and met Luo-Luo as well. Then of course theres all the pets I wouldve missed out on, like Ping Ping, Princess, Noodle, Guai Guai, and of course Buddy, to say nothing of the Abbots adorable menagerie with Rakky, Kukky, and Tai-Tai who I intend to abscond away with. Then theres all the friends I made along the way, and all the friends Ive lost, but the truth is, if given a second chance, I wouldnt change the major decisions I made except to make them more intelligently.Do I have regrets? Sure. Everyone does, but this is the Path Ive chosen, the one most suited for me, and I will see it through to the end, no matter how difficult or bittersweet that end might be.The Energy of the Heavens neither surges nor withdraws, with no change in the flow around me, but theres a buzz in the air which I cannot identify, an almost excitement or trepidation that is almost too much to bear as I come to terms with who I am and why I walk this Path, and in doing so, discover the truth I need to proceed. After so many years spent fighting to find my place, I am finally at peace with myself, One with Rayne, Rain, Baledagh, and Amigui, all in accordance with my Dao. I seek a freedom that does not exist, so that I might find purpose in my existence here in this strange world, one made all the more vast and ineffable due to the memories I have of my past life. Ive brought a part of that with me, made Manifest in Buddy, and I share in his joy as he bolts around in the sands while simultaneously sharing the fear and anxiety I harbour for my friends, family, and comrades down in Shi Bei. The surge of conflicting emotions threatens to sweep away, but I straddle the divide with one foot on both sides and ride the waves out as best I can, never wholly at rest or able to achieve the Balance I am familiar with, and at times only a hairs breadth away from complete imbalance, but I endure and indulge my emotions regardless. The forgotten colour wheel of emotions springs back to mind as I organize and identify this unending deluge as best I can so that I can better understand my feelings and make sense of the next step.One Ive been too afraid to take, yet now have no choice but to, because if there is to be a chance of victory here in Shi Bei, I must first Ascend.Chapter Meme 1Chapter Meme 2Chapter Meme 3
