"An auction?"
Judy sounded rather intrigued as she swiveled around on my chair, so I pushed myself up from the bed and answered, "That's what dad-in-law told me yesterday. It's something they just do whenever there's a big congregation of Eastern Draconians."
"So it's a tradition?"
"Something like that," I said with a shrug.
In case it wasn't obvious, we were in my room at the moment. Judy came over after school, and we've been discussing things, experimenting, and fooling around in equal measure, as usual. I was on a break at the moment, so she took my place in front of the PC, and the conversation somehow ended up on this particular topic.
"That's unexpected," my dearest assistant murmured under her breath, so I shrugged again.
"It's just a thing they do. Old Draconians are apparently unabashed compulsive hoarders. They probably got it from their scaly side of the family tree. Sebastian slowly collects whatever cursed curio tickles his fancy over the span of decades, while the Eastern Draconian elders prefer holding big, fancy auctions to gather all kinds of unique stuff in one fell swoop."
"I still don't see how that's going to help you. We're looking for rare materials, not artifacts."
"One and the same. The latter just requires some disassembly first," I responded with a smirk. "Not only that, but they say that a lot of independents and even some of the Schools view these auctions as a chance to sell their wares to the highest bidder, so it should be a good opportunity to get our hands on some extra rare things. Abram said he'll spread the news, and we even managed to get Sebastian to put up a few of his less sentimental doodads for auction to drum up some interest."
For the first time in a while, my stoic girlfriend looked downright flabbergasted.
"How did you manage that?"
"I had Elly use puppy-dog-eyes. It was super effective."
She let out an eminently impressed hum, much to my gratification. Sebastian might be a Scrooge, but even millennia-old dragons are weak against their great-granddaughters.
"When will the auction be held?" came my assistant's next question, and one I could only frown at.
"I haven't the foggiest. Unless the Simulacrum decides to be helpful and conjures up a venue out of thin air, it should take some time to organize it. My bet's on doing it after the conference."
"So the weekend after this one." I nodded a tad ambivalently, but Judy didn't seem to mind, and instead she asked the most obvious question. "Are we going to participate?"
"Not if we can help it. It sounds like it will lead to all kinds of annoying shenanigans. Let's just leave it to the people already experienced with this kind of stuff."
"So, Abram and Sebastian."
"Yep. We'll have more than enough annoying crap to deal with already, so the last thing I need is getting involved in a crazy bidding war scenario with all the related tropes."
"By 'annoying crap', I presume you mean the Eastern Draconians' penchant for dueling. The thing you mentioned this morning." I grunted in the affirmative. "It does sound like an awfully convenient plot device for some engineered conflicts."
I couldn't agree more if I tried.
"I know, right? It's so in your face, in any other circumstances, I'd half expect it to be a red herring."
"I don't think the Narrative is subtle enough for something like that."
"And that's precisely why I'm already preparing for the inevitable."
"Are you planning again?" she inquired, and after some consideration, I shook my head.
"I wish I could, but for that, I'd have to know what to expect. Which, if I might add, would be much simpler if not for the Chinese Draconians coming up with half a dozen different kinds of duels just to complicate my life."
"So no nefarious secret plans this time around," she noted, but before I could object to her choice of adjectives, she cut me off by asking, "In that case, can you tell me about those half a dozen different duels you mentioned?"
I glanced at the clock, then back at her, and ultimately uttered a simple, "Sure."
"A moment, please," she said and swiveled the chair around, only to do it in reverse once she picked up her phone from my computer desk. She assumed her usual note-taking position, then gestured to me with a soft, "Proceed."
I inhaled a deep breath, properly sat up on my bed, and did just so.
"After a long discussion with the men of the Dracis family, I narrowed things down to three different and distinct kinds of pains in the ass our future guests could inflict on me."
After the preamble, I waited for Judy to stop typing, and only then did I elaborate.
"The first is the closest thing to a proper duel. It's about two combatants squaring off in a ring surrounded by witnesses. However, if dad-in-law's description was accurate, it's less of a deathmatch, but more of an elaborate pissing contest with magical martial arts. First one side makes a fancy move, then the other, and they keep going back and forth until one of them gives up. Gawking onlookers are optional, but highly recommended."
"Sounds fairly simple to me."
"Sure, but since I have no flashy magical moves of the martial variety, I really want to avoid this one. Unfortunately, since this is for people in the same 'generation', I'd probably get challenged to one by Elly's unwanted admirer sooner or later."
"In that case, you better start learning some of those super attacks. I recommend practicing one that lets you fire laser beams from your sword."
"… I don't think that's a thing, even in magical swordsman circles," I pointed out, and I should know. I was technically the leader of the oldest operating group of swordsmen who ever magicked in the history of sword-magicking. That said, I made a mental note to ask Cal about this later, just in case.
Meanwhile, Judy scoffed at me and declared, "Please, Chief. I have it on good authority that a swordsman cannot be considered as such if they cannot fire beams from their sword. It's a quote originating from famous Japanese samurai and Shinsengumi captain, Okita Soji."
"Let me guess: you found it on the internet."
"Obviously," she told me with gratuitous solemnity, only to then add, "It's a well-known fact that every quote on the internet is perfectly sourced and always accurate, and it must be true, because Mark Twain said so. Or was it Winston Churchill? One or the other."
"Oh, I see. In that case, it must be true indeed," I said with an unsubtle roll of my eyes, then continued in a more serious tone. "I'm not planning to learn how to shoot beams just yet, because I'm not going to play along and duel the guy in the first place."
"But then what about your image as the famous and powerful Chimera Slayer of Critias?" Judy teased me (or at least I hope she did), and so I promptly rolled my eyes again.
"Oh please, Dormouse. I'm rich, unnecessarily influential, and I have not one but two awesome girlfriends already. Why would I need to prove myself to anyone?"
"A fair point," she soon concluded, tapping at her phone. "I believe we were at the kinds of duels the Eastern Draconians would theoretically use to annoy you."
"Right," I whispered and took a deep breath to center myself. "The first one was for people in the same generation, as nebulous as that sounds. The second most probable kind I could get tangled in is the reverse of that: it's a kind of 'duel' for different generations. Though, on second thought, calling it a 'contest' might be more accurate. Or maybe trial? Anyhow, the first part of this flavor of kerfuffle is apparently the same, with the squaring in the ring and all that stuff, but instead the 'elder' is supposed to strike the 'junior' with three 'techniques', and if the latter can still stand on their own legs at the end, it's considered their win."
"That's an odd tradition," Judy noted, and I vehemently agreed.
"I've no idea who came up with this or why they still call it a duel, but it's a thing, and it could happen for the banalest of reasons. Emese said she was once challenged by an elderly Draconian who was a guest at her parents' house just because she wasn't giving her 'face', whatever the hell that means. Nothing came of it, but if her anecdote can be used as an indication, it's likely something older Draconians of the Eastern persuasion might be a bit overzealous about."
"And since you have a track record when it comes to misappropriating older people's faces, you realized you are very likely to get involved in one such duel. Very self-aware of you, Chief. I'm proud of you."
"Oh, ha ha ha. Very funny. Also, what does 'misappropriating someone's face' even mean?"
"I don't know. I'll research it later."
That exchange required another eye roll, and once I was done with that, I returned to the topic at once.
"So, these two kinds of challenges are the most likely to crop up during the Eastern Draconians' stay, but there's one last possibility that would be simultaneously the most annoying and the least troublesome: a no-holds-barred duel within a Purple Zone. It's considered a serious deal, so it cannot be invoked just because someone looked at someone else funny, but it's also the biggest deal, as it can be used to settle serious disputes."
"That sounds kind of like the Knights' Arbitration," Judy noted on the side, and she wasn't exactly wrong.
"Kinda, but with the one difference that large-scale collateral damage is not only a possibility, but expected. According to Sebastian, they used to be extremely rare, because a full-fledged fight between older Draconians could ruin the countryside, but ever since the Eastern Draconians got more involved with the world and got exposed to Purple Zones, they are becoming more common."
"And you expect to get challenged to one of these?"
"Depends. Elly's unwanted admirer will likely try to challenge me to the first kind, there are a million and one scenarios the second kind could be triggered, while I have a sneaking suspicion I'll get challenged to the last type over the Knights. Either way, I'm hoping for the best and preparing for the worst, as usual."
"Very prudent of you."
"Thank you, I'm doing my best as usual."
"Anything else to add to the topic of suspiciously convenient dueling traditions?" When I shook my head, Judy put her phone away and asked, "Should we get started with the experiment then?"
"We might as well. It's getting late, and you'll have to go home soon."
"Time flies in good company."
That unexpectedly cheeky comment drew a small chuckle out of me, and I agreed with a perfectly honest, "It sure does," as I got off the bed.
"Before we start," my assistant stopped me on my track just as I was about to reach for the collection of identical white mugs on my shelf. "I'm in the mood for some hot cocoa. What about you?"
"I certainly won't turn down a cup of tea," I answered absentmindedly, and Judy rose to her feet at once.
"Very well. I'll ask Neige if she also wants one. I'll be right back."
And just like that, my girlfriend left the room. It was a little sudden, but then again, she did tell me the last time that watching me play with tea mugs made her thirsty, so maybe she's just thinking ahead. In any case, since she vacated my chair, I changed my destination and sat down in front of the PC instead.
Since Judy was the last one to use it, there was an eclectic mixture of open tabs in my browser, ranging from wiki articles about French philosophers to the obligatory funny animal videos. This time it was a tiny otter, and it was pretty gosh darn adorable.
But putting the cute furballs aside, there was one familiar tab with a notification mark on it, and after suppressing whatever flavor of breath was about to escape my throat, I opened it up.
However, contrary to my expectations, it wasn't Mike who was filling up my PM box on the hub this time.
"MoroseMoose: Hey, Admin?"
"MoroseMoose: Sorry for bothering you over something like this, but I'm getting spammed all day today."
The messages were roughly twenty minutes old, but I still typed out an answer.
"Admin: ... Is it Ninja?"
Moose's avatar lit up the moment I finished typing my educated guess.
"MoroseMoose: Of course it's him."
"MoroseMoose: He's been pestering me for advice with his girlfriend."
"MoroseMoose: Even though I'm literally the last person on this planet anyone should ask for love advice."
"Admin: … Aren't you already married?"
"MoroseMoose: I don't see how that fact has anything to do with the topic whatsoever."
"MoroseMoose: More importantly, can you give him some advice in my stead?"
"Admin: Why me?"
"MoroseMoose: Aren't you dating Assistant?"
"Admin: I don't see how that fact has anything to do with the topic whatsoever."
"MoroseMoose: Ouch."
"MoroseMoose: Touché."
"MoroseMoose: "Seriously though, he's going to drive me crazy at this rate. Can't you do something?"
"Admin: Just mute him."
"MoroseMoose: Wait, I can do that?!"
"What are you doing?" came a sudden question from behind me, and right after that my favorite 'I
"An auction?"
Judy sounded rather intrigued as she swiveled around on my chair, so I pushed myself up from the bed and answered, "That's what dad-in-law told me yesterday. It's something they just do whenever there's a big congregation of Eastern Draconians."
"So it's a tradition?"
"Something like that," I said with a shrug.
In case it wasn't obvious, we were in my room at the moment. Judy came over after school, and we've been discussing things, experimenting, and fooling around in equal measure, as usual. I was on a break at the moment, so she took my place in front of the PC, and the conversation somehow ended up on this particular topic.
"That's unexpected," my dearest assistant murmured under her breath, so I shrugged again.
"It's just a thing they do. Old Draconians are apparently unabashed compulsive hoarders. They probably got it from their scaly side of the family tree. Sebastian slowly collects whatever cursed curio tickles his fancy over the span of decades, while the Eastern Draconian elders prefer holding big, fancy auctions to gather all kinds of unique stuff in one fell swoop."
"I still don't see how that's going to help you. We're looking for rare materials, not artifacts."
"One and the same. The latter just requires some disassembly first," I responded with a smirk. "Not only that, but they say that a lot of independents and even some of the Schools view these auctions as a chance to sell their wares to the highest bidder, so it should be a good opportunity to get our hands on some extra rare things. Abram said he'll spread the news, and we even managed to get Sebastian to put up a few of his less sentimental doodads for auction to drum up some interest."
For the first time in a while, my stoic girlfriend looked downright flabbergasted.
"How did you manage that?"
"I had Elly use puppy-dog-eyes. It was super effective."
She let out an eminently impressed hum, much to my gratification. Sebastian might be a Scrooge, but even millennia-old dragons are weak against their great-granddaughters.
"When will the auction be held?" came my assistant's next question, and one I could only frown at.
"I haven't the foggiest. Unless the Simulacrum decides to be helpful and conjures up a venue out of thin air, it should take some time to organize it. My bet's on doing it after the conference."
"So the weekend after this one." I nodded a tad ambivalently, but Judy didn't seem to mind, and instead she asked the most obvious question. "Are we going to participate?"
"Not if we can help it. It sounds like it will lead to all kinds of annoying shenanigans. Let's just leave it to the people already experienced with this kind of stuff."
"So, Abram and Sebastian."
"Yep. We'll have more than enough annoying crap to deal with already, so the last thing I need is getting involved in a crazy bidding war scenario with all the related tropes."
"By 'annoying crap', I presume you mean the Eastern Draconians' penchant for dueling. The thing you mentioned this morning." I grunted in the affirmative. "It does sound like an awfully convenient plot device for some engineered conflicts."
I couldn't agree more if I tried.
"I know, right? It's so in your face, in any other circumstances, I'd half expect it to be a red herring."
"I don't think the Narrative is subtle enough for something like that."
"And that's precisely why I'm already preparing for the inevitable."
"Are you planning again?" she inquired, and after some consideration, I shook my head.
"I wish I could, but for that, I'd have to know what to expect. Which, if I might add, would be much simpler if not for the Chinese Draconians coming up with half a dozen different kinds of duels just to complicate my life."
"So no nefarious secret plans this time around," she noted, but before I could object to her choice of adjectives, she cut me off by asking, "In that case, can you tell me about those half a dozen different duels you mentioned?"
I glanced at the clock, then back at her, and ultimately uttered a simple, "Sure."
"A moment, please," she said and swiveled the chair around, only to do it in reverse once she picked up her phone from my computer desk. She assumed her usual note-taking position, then gestured to me with a soft, "Proceed."
I inhaled a deep breath, properly sat up on my bed, and did just so.
"After a long discussion with the men of the Dracis family, I narrowed things down to three different and distinct kinds of pains in the ass our future guests could inflict on me."
After the preamble, I waited for Judy to stop typing, and only then did I elaborate.
"The first is the closest thing to a proper duel. It's about two combatants squaring off in a ring surrounded by witnesses. However, if dad-in-law's description was accurate, it's less of a deathmatch, but more of an elaborate pissing contest with magical martial arts. First one side makes a fancy move, then the other, and they keep going back and forth until one of them gives up. Gawking onlookers are optional, but highly recommended."
"Sounds fairly simple to me."
"Sure, but since I have no flashy magical moves of the martial variety, I really want to avoid this one. Unfortunately, since this is for people in the same 'generation', I'd probably get challenged to one by Elly's unwanted admirer sooner or later."
"In that case, you better start learning some of those super attacks. I recommend practicing one that lets you fire laser beams from your sword."
"… I don't think that's a thing, even in magical swordsman circles," I pointed out, and I should know. I was technically the leader of the oldest operating group of swordsmen who ever magicked in the history of sword-magicking. That said, I made a mental note to ask Cal about this later, just in case.
Meanwhile, Judy scoffed at me and declared, "Please, Chief. I have it on good authority that a swordsman cannot be considered as such if they cannot fire beams from their sword. It's a quote originating from famous Japanese samurai and Shinsengumi captain, Okita Soji."
"Let me guess: you found it on the internet."
"Obviously," she told me with gratuitous solemnity, only to then add, "It's a well-known fact that every quote on the internet is perfectly sourced and always accurate, and it must be true, because Mark Twain said so. Or was it Winston Churchill? One or the other."
"Oh, I see. In that case, it must be true indeed," I said with an unsubtle roll of my eyes, then continued in a more serious tone. "I'm not planning to learn how to shoot beams just yet, because I'm not going to play along and duel the guy in the first place."
"But then what about your image as the famous and powerful Chimera Slayer of Critias?" Judy teased me (or at least I hope she did), and so I promptly rolled my eyes again.
"Oh please, Dormouse. I'm rich, unnecessarily influential, and I have not one but two awesome girlfriends already. Why would I need to prove myself to anyone?"
"A fair point," she soon concluded, tapping at her phone. "I believe we were at the kinds of duels the Eastern Draconians would theoretically use to annoy you."
"Right," I whispered and took a deep breath to center myself. "The first one was for people in the same generation, as nebulous as that sounds. The second most probable kind I could get tangled in is the reverse of that: it's a kind of 'duel' for different generations. Though, on second thought, calling it a 'contest' might be more accurate. Or maybe trial? Anyhow, the first part of this flavor of kerfuffle is apparently the same, with the squaring in the ring and all that stuff, but instead the 'elder' is supposed to strike the 'junior' with three 'techniques', and if the latter can still stand on their own legs at the end, it's considered their win."
"That's an odd tradition," Judy noted, and I vehemently agreed.
"I've no idea who came up with this or why they still call it a duel, but it's a thing, and it could happen for the banalest of reasons. Emese said she was once challenged by an elderly Draconian who was a guest at her parents' house just because she wasn't giving her 'face', whatever the hell that means. Nothing came of it, but if her anecdote can be used as an indication, it's likely something older Draconians of the Eastern persuasion might be a bit overzealous about."
"And since you have a track record when it comes to misappropriating older people's faces, you realized you are very likely to get involved in one such duel. Very self-aware of you, Chief. I'm proud of you."
"Oh, ha ha ha. Very funny. Also, what does 'misappropriating someone's face' even mean?"
"I don't know. I'll research it later."
That exchange required another eye roll, and once I was done with that, I returned to the topic at once.
"So, these two kinds of challenges are the most likely to crop up during the Eastern Draconians' stay, but there's one last possibility that would be simultaneously the most annoying and the least troublesome: a no-holds-barred duel within a Purple Zone. It's considered a serious deal, so it cannot be invoked just because someone looked at someone else funny, but it's also the biggest deal, as it can be used to settle serious disputes."
"That sounds kind of like the Knights' Arbitration," Judy noted on the side, and she wasn't exactly wrong.
"Kinda, but with the one difference that large-scale collateral damage is not only a possibility, but expected. According to Sebastian, they used to be extremely rare, because a full-fledged fight between older Draconians could ruin the countryside, but ever since the Eastern Draconians got more involved with the world and got exposed to Purple Zones, they are becoming more common."
"And you expect to get challenged to one of these?"
"Depends. Elly's unwanted admirer will likely try to challenge me to the first kind, there are a million and one scenarios the second kind could be triggered, while I have a sneaking suspicion I'll get challenged to the last type over the Knights. Either way, I'm hoping for the best and preparing for the worst, as usual."
"Very prudent of you."
"Thank you, I'm doing my best as usual."
"Anything else to add to the topic of suspiciously convenient dueling traditions?" When I shook my head, Judy put her phone away and asked, "Should we get started with the experiment then?"
"We might as well. It's getting late, and you'll have to go home soon."
"Time flies in good company."
That unexpectedly cheeky comment drew a small chuckle out of me, and I agreed with a perfectly honest, "It sure does," as I got off the bed.
"Before we start," my assistant stopped me on my track just as I was about to reach for the collection of identical white mugs on my shelf. "I'm in the mood for some hot cocoa. What about you?"
"I certainly won't turn down a cup of tea," I answered absentmindedly, and Judy rose to her feet at once.
"Very well. I'll ask Neige if she also wants one. I'll be right back."
And just like that, my girlfriend left the room. It was a little sudden, but then again, she did tell me the last time that watching me play with tea mugs made her thirsty, so maybe she's just thinking ahead. In any case, since she vacated my chair, I changed my destination and sat down in front of the PC instead.
Since Judy was the last one to use it, there was an eclectic mixture of open tabs in my browser, ranging from wiki articles about French philosophers to the obligatory funny animal videos. This time it was a tiny otter, and it was pretty gosh darn adorable.
But putting the cute furballs aside, there was one familiar tab with a notification mark on it, and after suppressing whatever flavor of breath was about to escape my throat, I opened it up.
However, contrary to my expectations, it wasn't Mike who was filling up my PM box on the hub this time.
"MoroseMoose: Hey, Admin?"
"MoroseMoose: Sorry for bothering you over something like this, but I'm getting spammed all day today."
The messages were roughly twenty minutes old, but I still typed out an answer.
"Admin: ... Is it Ninja?"
Moose's avatar lit up the moment I finished typing my educated guess.
"MoroseMoose: Of course it's him."
"MoroseMoose: He's been pestering me for advice with his girlfriend."
"MoroseMoose: Even though I'm literally the last person on this planet anyone should ask for love advice."
"Admin: … Aren't you already married?"
"MoroseMoose: I don't see how that fact has anything to do with the topic whatsoever."
"MoroseMoose: More importantly, can you give him some advice in my stead?"
"Admin: Why me?"
"MoroseMoose: Aren't you dating Assistant?"
"Admin: I don't see how that fact has anything to do with the topic whatsoever."
"MoroseMoose: Ouch."
"MoroseMoose: Touché."
"MoroseMoose: "Seriously though, he's going to drive me crazy at this rate. Can't you do something?"
"Admin: Just mute him."
"MoroseMoose: Wait, I can do that?!"
"What are you doing?" came a sudden question from behind me, and right after that my favorite 'I
