It has been three years since Bella returned. It also marks three years since she abandoned the name Carbella Rudbihi and started living under her new name, Bellahiad Liv Kasinev.
As Carbella.
As Blake.
And as Renia.
Bella had lived under many names involuntarily, but now, she finally stopped wearing the shells she never wanted.
Immediately after Bella returned, Valery wanted to marry her. Unfortunately, Valery’s wish did not come true.
Bella lived almost like a shadow for about a year after returning to Kasinev. It was because she feared becoming a burden or a shackle to Valery. It was her request for Valery’s sake, so even Valery, who wanted to marry her right away upon her return, couldn’t break her resolve.
Aside from occasional visits from Marchioness Chartero, who claimed to be her close friend, Bella lived as if she were dead. Yet, she felt freer than ever. Always tormented by an invisible leash that seemed to reach all the way to the underworld, she felt relieved to have returned.
Bella quickly stabilized by Valery’s side. Contrary to her fears of living quietly for a year, not many were hostile toward her. Rather, those well aware of the unfortunate connection between Rudbihi and Carbella viewed her as a victim.
While not everyone supported her, the opposition was significantly less. There were even those who knew Bella as the benefactor of the former emperor and his wife. Of course, this was all about Carbella Rudbihi.
Valery had been very anxious during that year. After Bella confessed her love and decided to stay by his side, he enjoyed indescribable happiness, but he was also haunted by the fear that she could leave at any moment. He took her hesitation to stand by his side as evidence of this fear. Yet, Valery never showed it.
However, as if knowing Valery’s worries, Bella did not leave. Wherever Valery looked, Bella was always there, becoming his breath of fresh air. Thus, after a tumultuous time, when Valery regained stability in his duties, and the events here became more forgettable, they successfully held their wedding.
Afterward, Valery relaxed completely, earning himself the nickname ‘henpecked husband’ from Delkian, who had left the imperial palace with the title of grand duke.
Ian returned to Kasinev with Bella but soon left for the northern city of Shiseta. Unexpectedly, it was Ian’s request. He implied it was okay now that Bella had someone reliable to protect her.
Bella was a bit surprised by his changed attitude, but didn’t hold him back, sensing his intention. Though she felt sorry and worried, fortunately, he had a place to stay in Shiseta. He would come up to the capital to personally deliver news a few times a month, but this year, even those visits had decreased.
Now, a year after marrying Valery and heading toward their second year, Bella truly did her best in loving Valery and fulfilling the empress’s responsibilities. She considered this period as the time she put in the best effort in her life.
Yet, what kept her going was Valery always being by her side. And the fact that Valery surrounded Bella with people he carefully selected helped me greatly. Even those who initially doubted her qualifications started to discreetly offer or seek advice from her
Gradually, Bella found herself surrounded by ‘her people’. It was the most significant change. Though not often, she would share jokes with the maids helping her, brightening the mood with laughter.
Thus, Bella was slowly erasing the shadows of her past. Awkward as it might be, she was healing her frozen and hurt heart, step by step.
* * *
I furrowed my brows, feeling suffocated, and opened my eyes. I had dreamed of being tightly bound, unable to move, and I immediately understood why upon waking. Valery’s thick arm was tightly wound around me as if performing maximum security to prevent me from escaping. I chuckled softly.
This had been a daily occurrence for the past few years. Familiar yet always surprising, the intimacy made my heart flutter.
Was this really fluttering?
Or was it confusing it with another emotion?
Like fear.
This strange delusion started that day. When I decided to live again, to meet Valery, to be honest about my feelings. And to love Valery again.
I had not been afraid to feel emotions before. I thought I could hide and control them. But now, it felt like a layer of skin had been peeled off, making me feel exposed. As if I was being controlled by emotions. I felt like a child learning emotions anew. This was my secret, something I couldn’t share with Valery.
“…”
I took a deep breath and carefully lifted my hand to touch Valery’s sleeping face. Even a slight touch sent a tingling sensation to my fingertips.
“Hmm.”
Valery stirred and opened his eyes at the mere touch of my fingertip on his nose. His clear purple eyes were filled with my own reflection. His lips curved softly, and a husky voice came out.
“…Did you wake up?”
His arm tightened around my waist suffocatingly.
I inhaled and protested. “If you’re awake, let go.”
“I don’t want to.”
“…”
“Let’s stay like this a bit longer.”
“…I think you said the same thing yesterday too.”
I pouted, and a chuckle escaped Valery’s lips.
“I have to return to my usual routine tomorrow, so please indulge me a bit.”
He seemed to have said the same thing before…
“I think you’ve become a bit shameless.”
Valery pretended not to hear and tightened his grip.
Today, Valery spoke as if he was taking a breather from a hectic schedule, but it was just an ordinary weekend for us. It wasn’t that we didn’t attend to official duties on weekends, but it was almost our only day off, so we spent almost all weekend together. Today was no exception. Even though the weekend would return after a week, we weren’t separated during weekdays either.
I doubted if the person hugging my waist and closing his eyes again was really a person who was leading an empire. Despite this, I couldn’t help but find him adorable, thinking I must be really smitten.
As I stroked his hair, Valery’s smile grew wider. I wanted to meet his expectations a bit more, but I really had work today.
“Valery.”
“Yes.”
“We really need to get up. I have an appointment with Marchioness Chartero at noon…”
Valery’s eyes snapped open. His gaze seemed to boil with dissatisfaction.
“Are you doing that again?”
Valery rarely showed a bad expression in front of me, but this time, he openly displayed his displeasure.
As I nodded cautiously, Valery buried his face in my embrace and exhaled deeply as if showing off. The warmth of his sigh made me burst into laughter.
It has been three years since Bella returned. It also marks three years since she abandoned the name Carbella Rudbihi and started living under her new name, Bellahiad Liv Kasinev.
As Carbella.
As Blake.
And as Renia.
Bella had lived under many names involuntarily, but now, she finally stopped wearing the shells she never wanted.
Immediately after Bella returned, Valery wanted to marry her. Unfortunately, Valery’s wish did not come true.
Bella lived almost like a shadow for about a year after returning to Kasinev. It was because she feared becoming a burden or a shackle to Valery. It was her request for Valery’s sake, so even Valery, who wanted to marry her right away upon her return, couldn’t break her resolve.
Aside from occasional visits from Marchioness Chartero, who claimed to be her close friend, Bella lived as if she were dead. Yet, she felt freer than ever. Always tormented by an invisible leash that seemed to reach all the way to the underworld, she felt relieved to have returned.
Bella quickly stabilized by Valery’s side. Contrary to her fears of living quietly for a year, not many were hostile toward her. Rather, those well aware of the unfortunate connection between Rudbihi and Carbella viewed her as a victim.
While not everyone supported her, the opposition was significantly less. There were even those who knew Bella as the benefactor of the former emperor and his wife. Of course, this was all about Carbella Rudbihi.
Valery had been very anxious during that year. After Bella confessed her love and decided to stay by his side, he enjoyed indescribable happiness, but he was also haunted by the fear that she could leave at any moment. He took her hesitation to stand by his side as evidence of this fear. Yet, Valery never showed it.
However, as if knowing Valery’s worries, Bella did not leave. Wherever Valery looked, Bella was always there, becoming his breath of fresh air. Thus, after a tumultuous time, when Valery regained stability in his duties, and the events here became more forgettable, they successfully held their wedding.
Afterward, Valery relaxed completely, earning himself the nickname ‘henpecked husband’ from Delkian, who had left the imperial palace with the title of grand duke.
Ian returned to Kasinev with Bella but soon left for the northern city of Shiseta. Unexpectedly, it was Ian’s request. He implied it was okay now that Bella had someone reliable to protect her.
Bella was a bit surprised by his changed attitude, but didn’t hold him back, sensing his intention. Though she felt sorry and worried, fortunately, he had a place to stay in Shiseta. He would come up to the capital to personally deliver news a few times a month, but this year, even those visits had decreased.
Now, a year after marrying Valery and heading toward their second year, Bella truly did her best in loving Valery and fulfilling the empress’s responsibilities. She considered this period as the time she put in the best effort in her life.
Yet, what kept her going was Valery always being by her side. And the fact that Valery surrounded Bella with people he carefully selected helped me greatly. Even those who initially doubted her qualifications started to discreetly offer or seek advice from her
Gradually, Bella found herself surrounded by ‘her people’. It was the most significant change. Though not often, she would share jokes with the maids helping her, brightening the mood with laughter.
Thus, Bella was slowly erasing the shadows of her past. Awkward as it might be, she was healing her frozen and hurt heart, step by step.
* * *
I furrowed my brows, feeling suffocated, and opened my eyes. I had dreamed of being tightly bound, unable to move, and I immediately understood why upon waking. Valery’s thick arm was tightly wound around me as if performing maximum security to prevent me from escaping. I chuckled softly.
This had been a daily occurrence for the past few years. Familiar yet always surprising, the intimacy made my heart flutter.
Was this really fluttering?
Or was it confusing it with another emotion?
Like fear.
This strange delusion started that day. When I decided to live again, to meet Valery, to be honest about my feelings. And to love Valery again.
I had not been afraid to feel emotions before. I thought I could hide and control them. But now, it felt like a layer of skin had been peeled off, making me feel exposed. As if I was being controlled by emotions. I felt like a child learning emotions anew. This was my secret, something I couldn’t share with Valery.
“…”
I took a deep breath and carefully lifted my hand to touch Valery’s sleeping face. Even a slight touch sent a tingling sensation to my fingertips.
“Hmm.”
Valery stirred and opened his eyes at the mere touch of my fingertip on his nose. His clear purple eyes were filled with my own reflection. His lips curved softly, and a husky voice came out.
“…Did you wake up?”
His arm tightened around my waist suffocatingly.
I inhaled and protested. “If you’re awake, let go.”
“I don’t want to.”
“…”
“Let’s stay like this a bit longer.”
“…I think you said the same thing yesterday too.”
I pouted, and a chuckle escaped Valery’s lips.
“I have to return to my usual routine tomorrow, so please indulge me a bit.”
He seemed to have said the same thing before…
“I think you’ve become a bit shameless.”
Valery pretended not to hear and tightened his grip.
Today, Valery spoke as if he was taking a breather from a hectic schedule, but it was just an ordinary weekend for us. It wasn’t that we didn’t attend to official duties on weekends, but it was almost our only day off, so we spent almost all weekend together. Today was no exception. Even though the weekend would return after a week, we weren’t separated during weekdays either.
I doubted if the person hugging my waist and closing his eyes again was really a person who was leading an empire. Despite this, I couldn’t help but find him adorable, thinking I must be really smitten.
As I stroked his hair, Valery’s smile grew wider. I wanted to meet his expectations a bit more, but I really had work today.
“Valery.”
“Yes.”
“We really need to get up. I have an appointment with Marchioness Chartero at noon…”
Valery’s eyes snapped open. His gaze seemed to boil with dissatisfaction.
“Are you doing that again?”
Valery rarely showed a bad expression in front of me, but this time, he openly displayed his displeasure.
As I nodded cautiously, Valery buried his face in my embrace and exhaled deeply as if showing off. The warmth of his sigh made me burst into laughter.
